Christianity Oasis Forum

[1st Timothy 4:12]

So almost everyone in my family has some sort of mental problem. My twin sister and I need strong adult doses for our ADHD, my 8 year old sister is notihing but mean when off of her ADD medicine, and my dad has ADHD. My cousin also has Aspergers and is never punished for doing something he knows is wrong. My dad is in the Navy and my mom is a retired air force veteran. My mom didn't go to college (don't worry I have a point to make about my cousin ) and my dad didnt either. And our mom used to work for a magor shipping company. We went to the store after my birthday party to pick up a cake for us. Our cousin said that he wouldn't trust it becuase of the thousand unknown ingredients. He is a germ freak. But this started to lead up to something that would be major. We went to the cashier and I got cotton candy and my LITLLE 8 YEAR OLD SISTER GOT A MAGAZINE! Our cousin said that is supporting corporate fat cats. We didn't think much of it. In the car, he started off saying all kinds of crazy things like coporate fat cats run this country and go against our goverment's morales. That wealthy people don't work for their money. Our mom disagreed and told him about her side. So he started saying that people that are religious are uneducated and poor. Our mom said a lot of Yale and Harvard students are religious. So they ahd this huge arguement and he said that my mom was uneducated and poor. That she lives in a disgusting house which is always dirty. The fact that it is dirty isn't her fault, she has 4 children. So we spoke up and told our cousin that that was our fault. He started saying that is bull poop (i used a nicer term than what he said). He told our mom that if she couldnt take care of it, then why did she open her waist! I about lost it there. I did keep quiet though. My little sisters started crying, Kelsey started yelling STOP, and I was just horrified and sat there quietly. Once we turned the corner to our grandparent's home, he yellled that to us he was an infidel. He started yeling infidel infedel infidel. HE even said he was proud to be an infidel. I saw that moment how he truly saw my mom and me. As religious, stupid, poor people who are below him. Our aunt came to take care of him and he pushed my mom out of his room when she went in there to get my aunt. Our Grandma wanted to call the police becasue he was soo out of control Eventually our cousins and aunt left the house and didnt come back until late. They missed my birthday party because of it. I am not trying to offend anyone with autism, or blame his autism, but I wish sometimes that he never had autism. I hate to offend anyone here with it, but people here know how to shine and be nice. I am afraid to go back to that house. I am afraid to see Scott again. He is so strong, I am afraid I might get him angry. Does anyone here know what to do about this? I am just soo scared and worried.

[Gods child]

Wow, that is deep.I am soo sorry to hear that you had to go through that.You know, that was probrably just the enemy trying to discourage you. Satan will even use our familly to try and make us turn our backs on God. First, even though I know what your cousin said had hurt your familly, try not to think about it.You are not lower than anybody.I was told the same thing,that I was lower because I was a christian.You are God's child, sis.You are somebody.Your familly is somebody.
As far as being afraid to go back to your cousin's house, let your parents know how you feel.Let them know that you're afraid he might hurt you.Call the police if you ever think that he might hurt you, or anybody in your familly.
Last but not least, I would encourage you to pray.Let God know your situation(even though he already knows).Ask him to give you strength to endurer the situation.God will protect you sis!!I will keep you and your familly in my prayers.Thank you for sharing.
From:Antwan

[1st Timothy 4:12]

Thanks Antwan I love ya bro! I will talk to my parents about it when I gather the courage to.

[Mackenaw]

Hello 1stTimothy (((hugs)))

God bless you this day.

I know that a situation like that -- like what you've described here -- can be rather upsetting, and yes...even kind of scary, but, remember that God loves you and your family, AND God loves your cousin equally -- the same as He loves you and your family.

I agree with what GodsChild said... you should talk to your parents about the fear that lingers from the situation. Also, ask The Holy Spirit to help you forgive him and ask Him to renew you.

1stTimothy, you have mentioned this particular cousin numerous times, and how he is not Christian and that he gets angry and makes rude remarks about Christians whenever he is around you. I know it makes it challenging not to judge him, because (as you have described) he gets loud and says mean things, but, really, really, really try not to judge him. Instead, pray for him. No, don't tell him that you are praying for him, because most likely that will just make him angrier.

When I was about your age -- or a little younger, I believed in Jesus, but I was not one that talked about Him. My family went to church, but we were not the type to talk about it. However, I had a few cousins and distant cousins that would talk about being Christian, all the time, and unfortunately, they shared in a way that was condemning to the rest of us. They always seemed to be pointing an accusing finger at everyone else whenever they talked about Jesus or about the fact that they were Christian. Well...quite frankly, I couldn't stand them. Nope, I did not like them one bit, and because of the way they made me feel about myself: unacceptable, wrong, ugly, dirty, sinful...I wanted them to hurt too. And, while I cannot remember anything specific and hurtful that I may have said to them, I have no doubt I got in a few verbal digs, now and then.

Chances are, you, nor your immediate family, will be the ones to convert your cousin. Your prayers for him, however, prayers for blessings for him, and that God will soften his heart toward God, Himself, and prayers that God will send others to share the blessed message of Christ with him, will be the most loving thing you can do for your cousin.

I Peter 3:15 But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:

The above scripture is full of blessed revelation. We should be meek, and share with others in a way that shows reverence to The Lord, and in a way that honors our Lord. And, it says here, sharing our hope with them, and it says "with every man that asks". From what you have described, numerous times about your cousin,...he doesn't ask, nor does he recognize any hope in you. And, most likely, the moment he lays his eyes on you, he is primed and ready for the attack. That type of scenario does not make for a good setting for sharing in love and in joy. There would be no discussion...it would an argument, it would be a debate, and that is totally opposite to what God's Word instructs us to do.

My suggestion, when dealing with your cousin...be the peacekeeper, which may be best demonstrated with a quiet demeanor and with silent prayer to our Lord (not seen nor heard by others).

Prayers are rising to our Lord in the name of Jesus, for all concerned. May God's blessed will be done.

God bless and keep you.
Love,
Mack

[Timothy]

Hi 1st Timothy

I agree with the previous posts.

In our house, it drives us crazy when that happens. It doesn't happen often, but enough for us to have
developed strategies for when it does. Depends on when and where it does happen. But when it
overwhelms us, we do some hard praying. Each and everytime we've prayed for support or guidence,
it came. Sometimes it takes a week or two but we've always been provided with a support of some kind.
Currently in the form of respit care and a behavior specialist - couselor.

One strategy is to ignore him. Eventually he gets tired and moves on.
Another is to try to redirect him. Change the focus of the discussion. Don't engage in "his" debate.
He doesn't really understand the implications of his words. We need to offer mercy and show him grace.
Another is "brain stoppers". When he gets stuck on one subject over and over and over and over and over...
my wife throughs out a brain stopper. Something totally off subject that makes no sense at all. "Utility lines
carry electricity." Or maybe just one word, off subject. "Orange". "Chair". "Bookshelf". (etc).
This often stops him in his tracks!
Then there is the "Broken Record" strategy. Repeat one word over and over and over and over...until he stops
and looks at you like you got two heads.
Maybe try the agreement strategy. Your right. Yes. Your right. He can't agure against you if you "say" you agree.

I also encourage you to read some books on Aspergers Syndrome or The Strong Willed Child.
Or perhaps a book on Oppositional Defience Disorders. They will offer you insight and understanding
of the disorders and will provide you with some other possible strategies.

Here is one for an adult to try:
When cousin begins to ... "start up"... stand up straight and still. Adult tells cousin to stand in front of them.
Tell him to stand still and look at your nose. Now tell him to gently touch the end of your nose. Now that
the adult has asserted the authority in a non threating way, give the child direction in a firm, steady, moderate
matter of fact, tone of voice. Never argue. Just statement. Repeat same statement in same tone if neccessary.
Non-emotional, matter of fact moderate firm tone of voice.

Sometimes our children with special needs are held to lower expectations. Your cousin seems to be smart.
Perhaps, with further study, there are strategies to help him assume more responsibility for himself ???
Will take some self education thru reading and asking questions. Maybe even joining a support group
to get ideas. I feel any one can learn. Its a matter of teaching in a manner that they can understand.
It takes thought and imagination and practice. I do believe it can be done, specially if backed up by lots of prayer.
I do believe in prayer! I see it work so many times!!!

1st Timothy. Did you cousin have the oppotunity to buy something, too?
If not, might there have been some kind of resentment that set him off?
Sometimes our children don't know how to properly express themselves, so they act out.
This is common among those with Autism disorders.

One last thing. I don't think you offended anyone with your post. This is what we talk about quite often
in our support groups. You voiced your concerns well, as you always do here at the Oasis. You are wise
beyond your years. Share as often as you like. This is important for every one to know. Thank you for the thread.

Hugs and luv to you my dear sister.

Timothy

[judahroar]

did adhd run in the family?if so it could be a generational curse.

[1st Timothy 4:12]

Thanks everyone!
I don't think it is a curse Judah, but a gift at times. I can go on longer than most people, and I tend to work fast when off of my meds. I become impulsive and can't sit still. Sometimes I can't control the things I say. Tasks tend to bore me when off of my meds, but it tells me to be stronger. I feel like I am more of myself when on my meds, but I am not made to be calm and able to sit still. They just help until I can control myself. So yeah it can feel like a curse, but it is only meant to make me strong. Satan is the only one who uses it against me.

[judahroar]

sometimes when a member of the family has the same disease as you-not you you,somewhere a demon got allowed in somewhere.this book called free at last by larry hutch talks about generational curses.