Christianity Oasis Forum

[killingMEsoftly]

I used to listen to nothing but Christian music. Then I just stopped one day and avoided it altogether.
Two days ago someone posted a video on facebook of youth doing a flash mob to a Christian song...praising God.

Seeing those kids worship and hearing the worship song...well I guess God used that to call on me. To remind me of how I used to praise Him and show me how far I really had fallen. I've hardly talked to Him or said a prayer let alone worship.
So I turned the radio on to my favorite Christian station and have been listening to it all day every day. I had forgotten how much I loved it and how good it makes me feel. I had forgotten how listening to these songs speaks to my soul and moves me. So many of them that I've been hearing seem that they were sung just for me, God speaking to me through them. Or they seem as though they're saying what's in my heart because I'm not able to.

I said I was getting back to God but I have yet to change my habits and lifestyle. I feel the want though, to pull away from it all, grow stronger all the time. I don't want to go "out" and pretend to be having a good time. I don't want to drink and pretend to be happy. I don't want to get into bed with someone and pretend that I'm ok with it.
I feel God chipping away at me, and some of it hurts and some of it is difficult but I'm so thankful for it. I had forgotten who I was completely and He's restoring me. The going is slow because I hold back but I want so much to get back again..and I want so much to stay this time. It's been so long since I've let God's presence just wash over me and rested in it. But I feel it right now...I don't even have words for it.
Just before I got on here to type this up I was upset and crying because I'm stressed and worried about things and feel defeated and a failure. I literally just felt so exhausted because of it. Coming here helps because I can write as though in my journal and release it all. And as I've been typing and thinking and listening...I feel that stress and worry melt. I actually feel some peace. I actually have a little hope all of sudden. I don't feel so exhausted...I know He's with me right now and holding me. Now I'm crying for different reasons.
And those things that I was stressed and worried over and feeling bad about, well I'm going to put them at His feet and let Him take care of them. I can't do anything about them anyhow, not without God at least. I just have to keep striving to make progress.
....I was just talking to a friend of mine and I said that I've been trying to figure out why nothing has been seeming to work for me this past year...I feel foolish for that because I now realize exactly why. I've been on my own. I walked away from God and decided I was going to my own thing and since then I've had nothing. Haven't even been able to find work in a year. Now I just keep thinking, "DUH!"...you can't make it without God...He won't bless you with anything while walking in sin and spitting in His face.

[Mackenaw]

Hello Killingmesoftly

God bless you this day.

It is so good to hear from you, and I'm so glad that you are feeling His presence. Thank You Lord \o/ \o/ \o/

He will never leave you, nor forsake you. He's been waiting for you to return unto Him, and He has not withheld His blessings, they await you also. God is Awesome!!!

God bless and keep you.
Love,
Sister Mack

[dantyriverside]

killingMEsoftly it sounds as though you have made great progress. You have taken the first steps back to God. You were never alone. Even though you thought you were on your own he was always with you. He loves you and wants only the best for you. I am sure as you do The Cool Christian Counseling you will find great healing as I did. I look forward to following along with you. Remember God loves you.

Welcome to the Oasis family and we are here to love and support you.


loves danty

[KrysyK]

killingmesoftly, I just want you to know that you're not alone- we all feel ashamed and alone and afraid to turn to God at times because we feel we don't deserve it. You do deserve his Grace, He sent his son to die specifically for this purpose so that you can turn to Him when you feel like you do. I say this because you mentioned you want to get back again but your holding back. Sometimes my shame and sins and fears of not being able to live up to my promises this time around makes me want to hold back, but know that God loves you and He knows your fears and weaknesses, and He is still calling you to come home. Good luck on your journey & I know you will find an even greater peace as you continue to seek and rely on him. I also always tell myself, though at times I feel lonely I am NEVER alone! As soon as I tell myself that & thank God for always being there I instantly feel His arms around me.

May God KEEP blessing you...it's true we cannot do anything without Him, but know that He continues to bless us even when we don't see or realize it, even when we feel as if we don't deserve it. Remember even our troubles count as blessings...
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

[killingMEsoftly]

Thank you guys.

I needed that scripture just now....James 1:2-4
Because I am really feeling the strain of my 'trials' at this moment. The pressure seems to be weighing down on me right now and taking the air right out of me....Today started out great. I went to bed at a much more decent hour than what I usually do last night, I got up at 8:30. I went out and played with my dog, pulled some weeds enjoying the sunshine. Ate some breakfast and it seems that from there it went down. I'm room-mates with my ex right now because I have no place else to go (which is making me insane, I'm becoming desperate for my own place) and he wasn't feeling well so I brought him some tea into his room. And I sat in there for a while and we just talked and goofed around. But just being with him like that breaks my heart. It's hard. Because if we aren't going to work out and I'm supposed to move on, how can I when I live with him? Then he ticked me off so I went outside and just sat for an hour upset. Once I started to calm down I said a prayer and tried to let it go. But now I'm just sitting here crying.
Not just because of him but like I said, because I'm feeling the weight of my trials pressing down on me. I know it's for a reason and I'm to learn from everything and let it build me up, etc, etc....
But right now I just feel like crap and like I'm going to snap. I want so badly to be able to just go someplace else. Away from everyone and everything for a while. And I don't want to come back here. I just don't know what to do. I'm trying...I'm trying to stay calm, trying to give it to God and just rest in Him, trying to be positive. But I'm falling apart and I ache. I don't know where the next step is...I can't see it. I know, I don't have to because God will lead me through all this...
Guess I'm just having a hard time being patient and trusting Him.

[vahn]

Hello again

Good to see you in this neck of the woods , and what's even better , is that you have heard God's calling , what's best ? You responded to His call !!! , Big Amen to that !! ... Whether you realize it or not , you had already won half the "battle" by just simply responding , let alone the fact that you heard His call , do you know what that implies ? ...It implies that you are finally listening , or seeking His voice . You are well on your way to get out of this "mess" (cant find a better word ) . I say that because I'm a firm believer of nothing , absolutely nothing , happens in God's world by mistake , and or , without purpose , now all we got left to do is , to continue on hearing and responding to the next Direction He has in mind for you .

Living with ex . Ouch !!! .... Here's the way I see the Truth on that .... Give it up !! It will NOT work !! ...UNLESS , and not BEFORE , you get yourself right with God FIRST ... "How am I to go about doing that ?" you may be asking . .... Well , you're doing it , right here , right now . Click on the 14 day CCCC , Go to Step/Day one and type away (Make SURE you read the daily step , before typing !! ) .... Going through this , One day at a time , you WILL be amazed before you are half-way through ... and that's a promise !

Luv ya
In Christ , our Lord
vahn