Christianity Oasis Forum

[crystna26]

Mlg is so right! See when i was a teenager I put my parents through so much. I had a boyfriend kind of like your daughters boyfriend but I gave in pretty quick to temptations. I snuck out,had sex at a very young age,smoked and drank. My Mom got to the point where she had to let go and let god. She prayed every night for me,I ended up moving out when i was 17 with the same boyfriend,she didnt want me to but she knew if she kept the faith god would come through,well as i got older naturally i started respecting my mom more. I married the Guy i was dating as a teenager when i was 21. now me being 26 and him being 27 we are both saved and have put god in the center of our marriage. This is a rare case and in no way am i saying she will marry this guy but i am saying god works everything out for good for those who believe and I truly believe if it werent for my moms faith and prayers i wouldent be where i am today. Never give up on your daughter,never give up praying and having faith and watch how god works in you and your daughters life.

[wisdomneeded]

Stepping Stone 4 - FORGIVENESS - I have been blessed with several people reaching out to me and encouraging me to forgive my daughter. Thank you so much. You are all right! I believe that I have forgiven her. I am waiting for the forgetting to set in. I am really having a tough time forgiving the guy who pretended he was a Christian and lied and manipulated her. She was a very naive happy girl until she met him. I am angry so angry that he did not tell the truth. and that he called her in May to lie and manipulate some more only to have her forgive him again. Then have sex with one of her friends. My daughter told me last night she is struggling to forgive them of this whole thing. She was actually in the process of recovering from the break up when he contacted her in May. I dont know...I would pray for him while they were dating and after the break-up too. But after what he did to her in May - it seems like I am unable to pray for him. My daughter has a very sweet spirit and I am sure that at some point in this process she will forgive him, but I would never feel comfortable with reconciliation between the two of them. I do not believe a word out of his mouth - especially when he pretended to be a Christian for his own physical purposes.

[Dora]

I love seeing the Lord work in you. Makes me smile.

[mlg]

wisdomneeded,

It's taken me all day to finally get to answer this post it seems...but whew I am finally making it.

I've thought about so many different things, after you shared today. My first thought was...what if you could look at this young man who has brought so much hurt to your family...through the eyes of Jesus...what do you think you might see? Maybe the darkness surrounding his soul? The enemy controlling his moves and actions? The blackness of sin in his life? Or maybe you can see how much he is loved, that Jesus died even for him? I bet Jesus cries for his lost son, just as you have cried over the hurt this man has caused. I wonder what Jesus wants you to really do? Do you think Jesus wants you to carry around the burden of not forgiving? I bet not...Jesus wants you to forgive this man for what he did. Now remember, forgiving does not mean what this man did was right...nor does it say it's ok for him to do it again...forgiveness releases you...it allows you to place the burden of this mans ways at the cross and allows Jesus to work. As long as you carry the pain and unforgiveness...Satan is moving in your way still...and he's winning...don't let Satan win hun...let it go and forgive...you must do this in order to truly be released of all this pain. You can do it. Lay it down. Leaving you with a video for the night my sister in Christ.

Take care

[wisdomneeded]

Stepping Stone 5...thank you and blessings to all you lovely people praying and offering support to me regarding forgiveness. Stepping stone 5 seems to offer a lot to think about. One thing is the need to lay down my anger at the foot of the cross. It is the sin of pride which makes me so very angry about this situation.

I lay it down and I pick it up and it happens over and over again....one of these times I will lay it down and walk away for good - God will help me do this - with Him nothing is impossible.

[mlg]

Awww yep...the old lay it down and pick it back up syndrome...it's a nasty sickness I think we all suffer from at times

I think what I do when I encounter this syndrome is I really start spending some time in meditation with God...quoting scriptures to myself and every time I catch myself picking it up...I give it back to Him immediately...as soon as I catch that I am "dwelling". It takes a lot of work sometimes...especially when we think God is not doing His work fast enough for us...or when we think that if we don't "do" something about the situation it will get worse...when in reality God has the perfect plan with the perfect timing...if we would just let Him do what He does best and that is BE GOD!

You are doing well on the steps....the path of healing takes time...but you are making progress...keep it up.

Take care

[wisdomneeded]

Stone 6 - Thanks for your prayers and advice! Stepping stone 6 offers much to do to stay focused on recovery. I hope I am able to do everything suggested. I believe in the suggestions made to push through negative thoughts. I must admit I am not thinking about the summer as much as I have. I have forgiven my daughter without throwing things up in her face (that would not be true forgiveness).

But I continue to have a problem with the guy who mislead her by saying he was a Christian. I get confused by David's psalms where David is praying that his enemies be put to shame and Jesus saying you love your enemies. Right now I am praying more like David - in Psalm 35....

[momof3]

Hi Wisdomneeded and welcome to Oasis. Youre in the right place. I just wanted to take a minute to say that I have a son who has made some very bad choices in his young life as well. Sister in Him, his mistakes dont define him. As many have stated here, we ALL have sinned and fallen short. We, none of us, no matter how hard we try,...adult, children...older people who 'should know better".......none of us are good..no, not one. It seems the embarrasment you feel about your daughter's actions...and the things that are being said about her...and maybe feeling as if people are looking at her parents wondering what is wrong with them that would "cause" their child to do the things they have done..on and on and on. Yes, your daughter has the same enemy against her soul that we ALL have battling for our souls. God loves you...He loves your daughter..He says that He will make all things good......I believe He uses our mistakes to grow us, teach us, allow us to use our experiences, our choices, to help someone else find His healing. We dont always know how He will use our mistakes..but He will.

Sister, your daughter is battling the enemy of her soul. This young man has the same enemy battling for his soul.

Im praying for you....and please know that the community around you...if they are judging you...or her...that is something they will have to deal with the Lord about.

Im here if you ever want to talk. I know how hurt a parent can be when their kids make mistakes with consequences that change their lives...lay all of this at the feet of Jesus. Let the Lord deal with this young man. As much as our human emotions dont want to forgive those who have hurt us our ours, it is His job to deal with them. He knows his heart and what makes him do the things he does.

Keep going in this. I believe you will find what you are seeking.

in Jesus,
love momo

[mlg]

wisdomneeded,

Keep working through your anger towards this man hun. Healing takes time...and when someone hurts our child...that often brings out the "protective" instinct in us...and this often includes anger that leads to unforgiveness. I really wish you could read that book I told you about earlier. The man who lost his family because of his daughter's plot to kill the family, was influenced by her boyfriend...who actually did the killings along with his friend. It took that father some true soul searching and time with God for him to forgive what they had done to his family and his daughter...but he knew in order to completely heal and be set free...he had too. For you it is the same...you won't be free...til you let your anger towards this man go. Don't let Satan keep a hold over you...through this unforgiveness...he doesn't deserve to have even the tiniest influence...place it at the cross my friend...you can do this.

Take care hun

[wisdomneeded]

stepping stone 7 - replacing my negative thoughts with positive. Easier said than done. I do believe all things are possible with God. At this point the decision to forgive the boy who lied and manipulated my daughter is there, but the part I am still struggling with is praying that he will be blessed. To me blessing him makes him think all he has done is ok. One time he had to switch schools and my daughter prayed for him and with him - everything went smoothly and he got the scholarship he needed. My daughter gave glory to God for all the good that was accomplished - he told her "well I am the one who made the phone calls and did the work to pack and move." ".Why do you think it is God". She could honestly not believe her ears - HE WAS TAKING CREDIT FOR GOD'S MIRACLE.

[dema]

I don't think that forgiveness includes praying that the person will be blessed. Should Hitler have been blessed? Should psychopaths be blessed? I truly believe that forgiveness is just relinquishment to God and that you are making things far too hard on yourself.

All people don't go to heaven. The Bible is quite clear on that. Some people will be damned. If you pray that this man will be blessed, perhaps you are praying against God's will. Instead, I pray in those situations that God's will be done. That God control the situation and help me to release it to him. That God remove all anger and resentment from my heart and help me to just leave everything with him. Truly, I believe this is the better prayer.

This boy is selfish and apparently unsaved. His world rotates around himself. He is his own god. Asking God to bless someone who will then use the blessing against God just doesn't seem to be the best choice to me.

Where do you read, chapter and verse, that you need to pray to God to bless him? Bless those who persecute you? I looked up the word "bless" in the dictionary and then in my concordance. The usage of words changes over time. "to give a blessing is to act kindly and to provide benefits." I also read several versions of the Bible and looked at several locations online. At the time of Paul, I believe it meant to talk nicely about - in direct contrast to curse. One definition is "eloquent speech". The ecclesiastical meanings wouldn't have been present when the Bible was written - they are of Christian tradition and there was no Christian tradition.

When someone persecutes you, speak nicely about them and don't curse them. You see it is in direct contrast to the word "curse".

If you go to Romans and read on it says:

19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.

So, yes, you should be nice and good. If he is in the soup line at church, give him soup. If you have the opportunity to do him a kindness, do him a kindness. But I think your image is way more than what this says.

Write down the Bibliical reasons for these hurdles you are trying to leap. Look up the words. Ask yourself why and find an answer. If you cannot find an answer, then your roadblocks are likely of your own making - or made by another human and not by God. I think that if you will truly examine the issue that you will find that forgiveness means something quite different than your image of it.

See if this is closer to what I am saying or what you are feeling?

for·give   /fərˈgɪv/ Show Spelled [fer-giv] Show IPA verb, -gave, -giv·en, -giv·ing.
verb (used with object)
1. to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.
2. to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.).
3. to grant pardon to (a person).
4. to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one's enemies.
5. to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive the interest owed on a loan.

It doesn't say to make them lunch or give them a foot rub. It says to let go. And the Bible does say to do kindnesses unto them - but I think if you look at the whole Bible, it also indicates you should be hanging out in better company.

I think that maybe your feelings scare you and you feel the need to atone for them. But, the best way is to accept Christ's sacrifice in lieu of your own atonement. And when you do that, you are laying the whole burden at the feet of Jesus. At that point you should have peace. And if you do have peace, and there is something else you need to do for this young man, God will let you know. And you will have peace (maybe mixed with a bit of grudging and anger) but underlying will be peace and not frenetic energy. If you have frenetic energy, I can just about guarantee that it is coming from a very wrong place.

Well, I have not attained in general, but in this subject, I do have peace. God bless you.

[wisdomneeded]

Dema,

You are RIGHT on every point. Thank you for taking the time to post. I CAN Pray God's will for him. At times I have prayed that this young man will receive The Mind of Christ. It was truly the prayer of "blessing him" that confused me. So I completely get where I have gone off base.

Actually when you said I may be praying outside of God's will for him to be blessed - that was the first time I ever thought about that - I will pray for God's Will in His life as you have reminded me, Let God Be God!

Thanks Again, Blessings to you!