Christianity Oasis Forum

[Christine_RL]

The last few days I've felt like my mind and body had been under attack. Nothing gave me any peace. My head ached and I couldn't do much of anything. I couldn't relax and be renewed. I continued to read the lessons here and it felt as though my mind was a brick wall and nothing was getting absorbed into my mind. I was getting so mad at myself wondering if I was retaining anything I was reading. Last night was really bad and I was feeling so sad, discouraged, lonely and worn down. In my head all I could hear were negative thoughts like, "Your life is worthless. Your life is not worth living. You don't fit in anywhere or belong anywhere. God doesn't care. He wants you to be miserable. There's no reason to hope for things to get better." I was left with no energy or ambition.

Two years ago when I lost my job, I tried to think of it as a blessing in disguise. I was hoping to pursue my art and that new doors of opportunity would open so I could finally live my dream and use the gift that God has given me. I've dealt with disappointment and rejection and it's been challenging. I still don't know what my future holds. I could write a list of the disappointments I've experienced but I don't know if I'd remember all of them. Sometimes I forget about something that I tried that ended up in rejection and then out of the blue it pops up. I am glad that I don't remember all of them, but I'm waiting for the day when I can replace the rejections with success. I'll be crying tears of happiness and relief when that day arrives.

Sometimes I've been so close to living my dream and then the door gets slammed in my face. When that has happened of course I'm discouraged, but after awhile I have tried to remember that there must be something better that God has planned for me. It's been getting difficult to get my hopes up too high because there have been times when I hoped for the best and came crashing down with another rejection. I just don't want to come crashing down again. This morning I got a voicemail message from a job I applied for last week. I tried calling back but ended up having to leave a voicemail message. Now I'm waiting for them to call back. It looks like a fun and creative job and I'm waiting to hear back from them. I'm cautious though because I don't want to be let down once again. Right now I don't know what to think or to expect. I'm also thankful that they did call because of how terrible I've been feeling. It was the boost I needed and asked God for last night. I really don't want to get stuck in another retail job again. There is nothing wrong with retail work and after working in retail for 13 years, I have a respect for those working in retail. It's just that my heart and my passion and my gift is not in retail. I feel like my gift is getting buried and wasted.

There have been small successes in the last year and I don't want to devalue those, but I've been hoping, waiting and looking for that one door opening to sustainable ongoing success. Maybe some of the small successes will help lead to bigger opportunities. I don't know what they will lead to.

I just want to know everything is going to be alright, but I'm struggling believing it to be true. Sometimes I feel like my life is wasting away and think that I'm a failure. It's like I'm fighting a lost cause.

A couple hours ago the weight pressing down on me finally has disappeared. I can't explain it except for God and the prayers from my friends here.

Thanks to all of you who are reading/listening to what I write.

[Dora]

He sees all your successes. Even the very small ones. Every time you've overcame, he saw it and remembers it.

He will make everything alright.

Love ya!

[sbennett]

God is guiding you.... keep your faith in HIM.