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Ron's Journal Day 4
Well.
Lets see, I spent the day yesterday mostly working at my church just trying to take my mind off of things and be productive, then went home, watched some of an old Billy graham show, and it hit me.... I need to repent a lot of things I've been holding in... So, I walked back to my church, thinking of all the things I did wrong that I have not gotten out of my system... then spent some time Just talking to God, telling every bad thing I have done....
I lied to my wife and family,
I lied to the EX GF
I was not a good man
I have been a selfish ass
I was blaming others for my actions
I don't know how I got to that point, being a Father and a husband to going down that road of absolute sin
what I do know I that I'm the cause, no one else is
I harmed people who cared about me
It doesnt matter what otheres may or may not have done to me, I am responcible for my own actions, which were poor ones
Ultimately, I was only thinking of myself, and not others..... I thought I was a decent guy.... I was not, the corrective measure now is to not do that ever again.
last night I could not sleep, I kept having bad dreams, I think Satan was messing with me, making me feel terrible... Honestly I think he was trying to get me to do something stupid.... and I just kept resisting. But then it got to the point that I was being assaulted with dreams to make me jealous of my EX GF, to go do something bad. I finally got to the point I yelled for him to get out of my head...
I'm tired, Satan has been messing with me for months..... and I am not crazy....
Lets see, I spent the day yesterday mostly working at my church just trying to take my mind off of things and be productive, then went home, watched some of an old Billy graham show, and it hit me.... I need to repent a lot of things I've been holding in... So, I walked back to my church, thinking of all the things I did wrong that I have not gotten out of my system... then spent some time Just talking to God, telling every bad thing I have done....
I lied to my wife and family,
I lied to the EX GF
I was not a good man
I have been a selfish ass
I was blaming others for my actions
I don't know how I got to that point, being a Father and a husband to going down that road of absolute sin
what I do know I that I'm the cause, no one else is
I harmed people who cared about me
It doesnt matter what otheres may or may not have done to me, I am responcible for my own actions, which were poor ones
Ultimately, I was only thinking of myself, and not others..... I thought I was a decent guy.... I was not, the corrective measure now is to not do that ever again.
last night I could not sleep, I kept having bad dreams, I think Satan was messing with me, making me feel terrible... Honestly I think he was trying to get me to do something stupid.... and I just kept resisting. But then it got to the point that I was being assaulted with dreams to make me jealous of my EX GF, to go do something bad. I finally got to the point I yelled for him to get out of my head...
I'm tired, Satan has been messing with me for months..... and I am not crazy....
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HandyCaptainron - Posts: 14
- Location: Seattle
- Marital Status: Divorced
Re: Ron's Journal Day 4
yeah brother, i do know what your talking about. But as far as Satan and his demonic hoard goes, they'll always be trying to mess with us in this world. With that, I've asked God on many occasions to take a situation or thought from me, and He usually answers with "if your not going to let it go I'm not going to take it". be blessed with all the riches of His glory my brother. in and with the love of Christ.
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crozby - Posts: 3
- Location: in His grip
- Marital Status: Married
Re: Ron's Journal Day 4
Keep telling him to shut up. He is trespassing on Gods property. Tell him to get out. Hand him the eviction notice. What ever it takes. I'm glad you realize where these thoughts were coming from. Don't let him even get a word in edge wise. Be alert and recognize it's him and shut him up quickly.
Love you brother. Friend! Praying for you.
Love you brother. Friend! Praying for you.
Sorrow looks back, Worry looks around, But faith looks up! Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly and trust in our Creator who loves us.
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Dora - Posts: 3759
- Location: In Gods Hands
- Marital Status: Married
Re: Ron's Journal Day 4
Hey Ron
First, let me start by saying ALL of us have things in our past we are not proud of, we have all fallen short and we all make poor choices. What I see in the things you have shared is an awesome opportunity for God's Grace to meet, comfort and strengthen you as healing continues.
While it is also likely that some poor choices will occur in the future....may you find comfort knowing that just as God was there in the past and He is here now, He will be there in the Future to help you up and encourage you to continue forward.
As already shared Continue to kick cruddy to the curb... he will always try to lead you astray just remember, in all you face You are NEVER truly alone.
Whenever necessary, the awesomeness of our Oasis family is that His truth is Always here [in word and in Spirit] to encourage us when we need support.
Looking forward to this continued journey in healing bro. Prayers are with you!
Peace n Luv in Christ,
Lani
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace." (Romans 15:13
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Lani - Posts: 965
- Location: Lokahi
- Marital Status: Waiting on God
Re: Ron's Journal Day 4
Ron you are facing a battle of Spiritual warfare...and the battle is hot right now...this is a battle for your soul Ron, and the enemy doesn't want to give up easily...but just remember to put on the full armor of God daily...and take your Sword with you wherever you go. God will be there with you...fighting this battle...and if you trust in God...He will help you win the battle. It's time to let go of the past Ron. Time to stop carrying it around...
Praying for you Ron...hang in there.
Take care
Praying for you Ron...hang in there.
Take care
Do you know my Jesus? Do you know my friend? Have you heard He loves you? If not, I'd like to introduce you.
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mlg - Posts: 4428
- Marital Status: Not Interested
Re: Ron's Journal Day 4
I understand how you are feeling. I deal with a lot of those thoughts and feelings too. I want satan to leave me alone and I want to be happy where I am and stop wanting things that are lies. You are fighting the good fight so keep it up. God will bless you as you resist the devil and do the will of Christ. Keep telling the liar to go away and keep praying to God to give you strength to press on to the goal!!
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sbennett - Posts: 303
- Location: Texas
- Marital Status: Married
Re: Ron's Journal Day 4
Thats how I've been feeling for months... as if I'm in spiritual warfare, last night was ... I even wrote on my churches prayer chain for my congegration to pray for me.... because I saw what was happening, satan dosent make you do things, rather He was planting thoughts in my head all day yesterday, and i just kept rebuffing them.....The stepping stones have been helping me, I see that I had Issues, and how to defuse them.... The spiritual warfare got more intense after I made a stronger commitment to christ 6 months ago and started to do outreach, at that same time my relationship with the Girlfreind got worse, I feel that My relationships were a part of that spiritual warfare as well.... yesterday, I had thoughts planted in my head to get a Gun, put it in my mouth and just end it.... I knew what was going on.... and just Said " NO" GO AWAY!
I can tell he is trying to get me to do something really, really stupid.... And I won't buy it anymore...
I actually have forgiven myself... I can feel it today, I feel more normal than i have in quite a while.
I can tell he is trying to get me to do something really, really stupid.... And I won't buy it anymore...
I actually have forgiven myself... I can feel it today, I feel more normal than i have in quite a while.
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HandyCaptainron - Posts: 14
- Location: Seattle
- Marital Status: Divorced
Re: Ron's Journal Day 4
Ever wonder why he is working so hard on you? I'm thinking he must know your potential to furthering Gods kingdom so he wants you out of the race. Stay strong! Don't give in. Come talk when or if things get bad. We're here for you.
Sorrow looks back, Worry looks around, But faith looks up! Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly and trust in our Creator who loves us.
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Dora - Posts: 3759
- Location: In Gods Hands
- Marital Status: Married
Re: Ron's Journal Day 4
I was thinking along the same line Pine just posted. I hear you on your list...been there, done that, got the tee-shirt. Somebody told me once that the closer you get back to God, the worse the attack gets. satan would not waste his time if you were beaten.I have been doing the same thing lately...speaking the truth and rebuking out loud. The enemy knows the buttons to push, when to push them, and how to push them. you and i got to let God take those buttons away
Only those who obey can believe and only those who believe can obey.
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humblevisitor - Posts: 112
- Location: Alabama, USA
- Marital Status: In A Relationship
Re: Ron's Journal Day 4
Hey Ron,
At church today I read a verse of scripture I want to share with you.
2 Timothy 3:12
Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.
Notice this verse says that if you live godly in Christ Jesus you will suffer persecution...not that you might...or that you may not...but that you will...fight the good fight.
At church today I read a verse of scripture I want to share with you.
2 Timothy 3:12
Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.
Notice this verse says that if you live godly in Christ Jesus you will suffer persecution...not that you might...or that you may not...but that you will...fight the good fight.
Do you know my Jesus? Do you know my friend? Have you heard He loves you? If not, I'd like to introduce you.
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mlg - Posts: 4428
- Marital Status: Not Interested
Re: Ron's Journal Day 4
Dear Ron,
I believe we all, as Christians know that the Bible is the only "living" book. Often when I have a question or concern I turn to it open it up randomly and let God speak to me through His Word. So I fervently prayed for you and asked God for a word for you. And the Bible opened to Luke Chapter 7 vs36:50. Now I know this is alot for me to copy here, especially after working a double shift as a Nursing Supervisor at a busy facility, but the Holy Spirit laid it on my heart to relay every word of these passages to you, remember also my brother in Christ that Luke was a physician....and so here you are, a gift of LOVE from the Devine Savior to you:
THE PENITANT WOMAN
Now one of the Pharisees asked Him to dine with him; so He went into the house of the Pharisee andreclined at the table.37 And behold a woman in the town who was a sinner, upon learning that He was at table in the Pharisee"s house , brought an alabaster jar of ointment; 38 and standing behind Him at His feet, she began to bathe His feet with her tears, and wiped them with the hair of her head, and kissed His feet, and anointed them with ointment. 39 Now when the Pharisee who had invited Him saw it, he said to himself, "This man were He a prophet would surely know who and what manner of woman this is who was touching Him, for she is a sinner."
40 And JESUS answered and said to him"Simon I have somethin to say to thee" And he said "Master speak".
41 "A certain money -lender had two debtors; the one owed 500 denarii, and the other 50. 42 As they had no means of paying, he forgave them both. Which of the therefore will love him more?"
43 Simon answered and said," He I suppose to whom he had forgave more." And He said to him "Thou has judged rightly."
44 And turning to the woman, He said to Simon, "Doust thou see this woman? I came into thy house; thou gavest me no water for my feet; but she has bathed my feet with tears, and has wiped them with her hair. 45 Thou gavest me no kiss; but she from the moment she entered, has not ceased to kiss my feet. 46 Thou didst not annoint my head with oil; but she has annointed my feet with ointment. Wherefore I say to thee, her sins, many as they are, shall be forgiven her, because she has loved so much.But he to whom little is forgiven, loves little."48 And He said to her, "THY SINS ARE FORGIVEN"
49 and those who were at the table with Him began to say within themselves, "Who is this man, who even forgives sins?" 50 but He said to the woman, Thy faith has saved thee GO IN PEACE."
How most beautiful are the words of the Lord Himself, every time they are read new meaning and life can be found in them.
God Bless you Ron...you will be in my thoughts and prayers...Grace
I believe we all, as Christians know that the Bible is the only "living" book. Often when I have a question or concern I turn to it open it up randomly and let God speak to me through His Word. So I fervently prayed for you and asked God for a word for you. And the Bible opened to Luke Chapter 7 vs36:50. Now I know this is alot for me to copy here, especially after working a double shift as a Nursing Supervisor at a busy facility, but the Holy Spirit laid it on my heart to relay every word of these passages to you, remember also my brother in Christ that Luke was a physician....and so here you are, a gift of LOVE from the Devine Savior to you:
THE PENITANT WOMAN
Now one of the Pharisees asked Him to dine with him; so He went into the house of the Pharisee andreclined at the table.37 And behold a woman in the town who was a sinner, upon learning that He was at table in the Pharisee"s house , brought an alabaster jar of ointment; 38 and standing behind Him at His feet, she began to bathe His feet with her tears, and wiped them with the hair of her head, and kissed His feet, and anointed them with ointment. 39 Now when the Pharisee who had invited Him saw it, he said to himself, "This man were He a prophet would surely know who and what manner of woman this is who was touching Him, for she is a sinner."
40 And JESUS answered and said to him"Simon I have somethin to say to thee" And he said "Master speak".
41 "A certain money -lender had two debtors; the one owed 500 denarii, and the other 50. 42 As they had no means of paying, he forgave them both. Which of the therefore will love him more?"
43 Simon answered and said," He I suppose to whom he had forgave more." And He said to him "Thou has judged rightly."
44 And turning to the woman, He said to Simon, "Doust thou see this woman? I came into thy house; thou gavest me no water for my feet; but she has bathed my feet with tears, and has wiped them with her hair. 45 Thou gavest me no kiss; but she from the moment she entered, has not ceased to kiss my feet. 46 Thou didst not annoint my head with oil; but she has annointed my feet with ointment. Wherefore I say to thee, her sins, many as they are, shall be forgiven her, because she has loved so much.But he to whom little is forgiven, loves little."48 And He said to her, "THY SINS ARE FORGIVEN"
49 and those who were at the table with Him began to say within themselves, "Who is this man, who even forgives sins?" 50 but He said to the woman, Thy faith has saved thee GO IN PEACE."
How most beautiful are the words of the Lord Himself, every time they are read new meaning and life can be found in them.
God Bless you Ron...you will be in my thoughts and prayers...Grace
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Grace0713 - Posts: 11
- Location: USA
- Marital Status: Divorced
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