Christianity Oasis Forum

[oabogun]

From the first date, i knew something was wrong. But i was lonely (didn't know anyone in college) and it was the first date in 2.5yrs (was giving self break from dating for a while) and i thought i was ready after the long break from men. How wrong was I? I Started the relationship knowing well that i should not be in it. But he was a nice, caring and decent guy, so i went along with it. Nothing makes me more happy that being able to help when someone is in need. After out first date, he got sick and was in the hospital for a week, i went to visit every single day until one day i was busy in school and couldn't go. He got nasty and said mean things and that i was not a good friend. That was another flag that i did not pay attention to, he later called and apologized and i forgave him, so we continued the raltionship. The realtionship went on and on and i always get verbally and emotionally abused (name calling and hurtful text messages) when i forget to do something he asked me to do or dont do something he thinks in his head i should have done. I knew this was wrong but i wanted to be loved and cared for so badly that i took it all in and continued the relationship. There were multiple break ups, alomost every week from me especially when i feel that i can do without him, but then he will call and apologize and be nice. This realtionship went on for almost four years! It was the most emotionally, spiritually draining and physically exhausting relationship i every got into. My family is very reserved and dont do much communicating or acting out love, so he was the only person i ever met that i trusted, felt loved by, and go to when i'm sad and depressed. The relationship took me away from the church, i became less active and this routine almost became normal for me. It got to a point that i get scared if i missed his call or if i can't do something he asked me to do, i was always afraid of what he will say. I got talked into being intimate with him because according to him, that was the only way i could show that i cared about him. I knew it was a lie but i did it anyways. For the past 3plus years, i have been miserable and ashamed of myself (could not even tell my family, it was wrong and i will get verbally atacked by my family if they found out i was dating and got intimate with him). I took a vacation outside the country for 3months and finally got the courage to stop talking to him, but then i felt bad because i am his only friend and his family are out of the country, so i called him when i got back, but told him that i just want to be friends, we can talk, but we can't see. He calls me when he needs help, knowing that i am the kind of person that likes to help, and we pick things up again. At this point i have had it, i want to have the relationship i had with GOD before i met this guy, and eventhough i have tried many times to break things off, i know that my method of doing it is not working. So i need your prayers, suggestions and help to move past this and live a pure and faithful live. My idea so far is to stop talking to him (i am beginning to ralize that there are some ppl you can't talk to), get counseling, share my story with others, and make friends from the church that can help me in my recovery process. I want this time to be the last time i will break up with this guy, and i want to regain my sanity and self esteem. I know that God loves me, so i don't need him to love me, there are many brothers and sisters out there that can help me get through this. Thanks in advance for your help!

[lizzie]

Praying for you sister oa

You seem to know where you want to be and what steps you need to take to get there and that in itself is good progress. Stay focused on God and He will give you the strength you need.

God bless you

[momof3]

Hi and welcome to Oasis. You have been called here by the Lord to find the healing you are seeking. Are you going to do the counceling steps here? They are awesome and life-giving through the power of the Holy Spirit. Know you arent alone. We have all looked in the wrong places for love at times. Through this time, let the Lord heal you. Let Him show you things He wants you to see and let Him show you how HE sees you. Im praying for you as many here will, too.

God bless you on your new path. You can do this. You have Him on your side. Seek His plans for your life.

In Jesus,
love momo

[mlg]

Hey welcome to the Oasis...yesterday when I read your post...I had a song come to mind...one of my favorites actually. I didn't have time to look it up then...but I do now...so now I'm sharing...may you know what love really means

[oabogun]

Thank you so much for your words of encouragemnt, support and music. Please continue to pray for me as this is a spiritual warfare!

[deetu]

hi oabogun, great to have you here.
I know exactly what you are going thru although I saw my guy hit both his mother and sister and was safe because he was afraid of my father but am sure it would have only been a matter of time.
I didn't know God back then so didn't have anything to compare good things with but I know that when you try to keep him as a friend, it will not work. Best to just cut free and not talk to him again. Don't worry about hurt feelings...keep strong.
Then do what you already know you want to.... get counseling, share your story and make friends
The CCCC study is a fantastic way to start; you shared your story and that will help others; and hi friend
So glad you found us

[mlg]

Definitely...prayers continue.