Christianity Oasis Forum

[hopenconfidence]

Hello all,

I didn't know where else to post this but considering it fits in with my emotions, I figured this is a place to post. For those who have read my posts in the past, I just want to let you know that there is a pattern of which I didn't realize I started so please forgive me for the fact that my emotions and situations caused confusion.

This is how bad things are: I lost my home, don't like my job (even though I haven't worked for 2 years), I'm still single at 31 with no kids, I'm financially struggling, and because of all of this every relationship seems to suffer. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster ride hoping to fall off to end this.

Believe me, I'm thankful for the Lord's extreme patience and mercy because without Him, I would be dead. I don't want you all to think of woe is me for I realize there is a reason for all this. However, my emotions have grown bitter and full of rage and sometimes I want to hurt someone else. Thankfully enough, I haven't for I realize it's totally wrong. See where I'm coming from? I'm completely torn and when I thought I was getting better, I ended up going 5 steps back. I see how others are getting better and then I re-evaluate my life. I wonder if I made different decisions that I wouldn't be in this state. When I see my youth girls and how their lives are going, I think "If I was their age again and in church, how things would be different" I know that I can't change my past but somehow I can't seem to shake off those bitter feelings.

Being an adult, I try to keep it together and give my anxieties to the Lord but no matter how much I give Him, there are many more creeping up keeping me down. The end result is that I've become bitter and full of rage and I don't want to see anything anymore. I just want to give up but I know I can't. I'm tired of being alone and even around other people, I am still alone. I don't want to burden anyone with my problems and even though I went to counseling, it didn't help as much as it should (in my opinion) See? I'm on a roller coaster ride for as I'm typing this I feel guilty telling all of you.

Let's face it, I know I'm not alone in this for there are many of you dealing with the exact thing and I understand it. I just want to get this out of my system for it's killing me, literally. I don't want to continue to live like this for it's taking away my joy of being in a relationship, being financially stable, and working at a place where not only will help out others but me as well. I know it's hard work and believe me I'm working. I guess my emotions are up and down so much that my mind has gone elsewhere. There are many words I can say but it's so jumbled up that I don't know how else to go about it.

Please O family, understand this that I'm very torned and don't know what else to do. I'm going back on meds to help with my rage and I'm reading in the Word and praying but I felt like I'm pushing Him away even though He is here with me. Please pray for strength in my heart for I'm falling apart and just want to scream. I know I should be thankful for what I have and I am. I guess just for the things in my heart is what needs help. That and praying that my family would come to terms with Him but how can they when I'm not. So much to think about and it's no wonder I'm at where I'm at. Please understand and pray for me....please.

[dema]

So much to say.

One thing is - regret and guilt are tools of the devil. They won't help you.

Repenting means to turn away from. Jesus makes us new. Sometimes I think we wish that came with amnesia.

The hurts in you need to be confronted and cleansed. I don't know what kind of hurts they are. Sometimes writing them on a piece of paper, praying over them and then burning them in a safe way can be enough to cleanse. Sometimes it takes a whole lot more than that.

But for most of the minutes in the day - you don't need to be thinking about the awful things. And that means that you need to make a collection of blessings and good things to think about.

A blessing can be a flower blooming in the snow. A warm cup of coffee. Someone holding the door for you. You helping somebody in some way.

Write them down and write down some great verses.

"God is love."
"I can do All Things through Christ who strengthens me."

"For God has not given us the SPirit of Fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind." II Tim 1:7


I look them up a lot.

Anyway, the only way to get bad thought to go away is with good thoughts and praise and singing. Fill your mind with something else. Have a list ready.

For most of the minutes of the day. For some of the minutes, you need to clean your wounds. And you may need help with that.

[vahn]

Hello hopenconfidence

I don't even know how or why I stumbled upon this thread (led maybe ?) , but am not regretting I did .

One thing irritated me most in the past , was when I got a rubber-stamp answer to everything , or every time I got into a situation where , all I needed was someone to actually just shoot the breeze with and for them to allow me to just vent , not necessarily looking for "answers" , you know what I mean ? . But , then again , that is where "friends" prove their mettle huh ?

Well , hopenconfidence , I'm going to stick my neck out and risk it by giving you my view of "rubber-stamp" answer as I see it today in the hopes to let you know that I do feel what you are saying .

See , there is a bit of truth behind the "Holyday-Blues" , and yes , I have had my share of "If-I-hear-that-one-more-time-Ima-rip-someone's-head-right-off-their-shoulders" moments . But this is what I came to realize , and I can , and am only speaking from my own experience , and it may or may not apply to your situation , but its something to look at .

In my case , the "Blues" had to do , though I didn't know it for a long time , but the reality was that it HAD to do with , believe it or not , gratitude .
Yep , yep , I said and did the same thing as well , like "What in the world are you talking about ?!?"
See , here's how it went for me . In short . I had no-one around me that knew my past , for them to understand what I meant by my expression of gratitude , the best I got from them was , "Oh yes , I'm grateful for the turkey we had , knowing how many people are going hungry in some other planet somewhere !!!" or something or other . See these people , though sincere , they don't know about the extent of it , with this new-found life , and the life we had prior to that , and hence the "plasticity" and "shallowness" that we experience .

So , not being able to express our gratitude to its fullest , we turn that inward and the inability comes out as anger , it has nothing to do with me , you , or any other , it is just a matter of asking our Lord to send or help us "SEE" an opportunity to tell it at the right moment at the right time He see's fit . Makes sense ?

Remember , This too shall pass !! and better yet " Be still and know that I AM your God"


Luv ya
in Christ , our Lord

[dema]

Hope, when I read your message, my first thought was that I need to answer before you log back on - so that you would know that somebody is listening.

And my second thought was that you aren't going to be able to get the help you need until you can calm the turmoil.

Jesus calmed the storm with a word. The disciples were focused on the storm. Jesus focused on his father.

The trouble is the battle of the minutes. Everything may actually be fine for 12 out of 16 waking hours of the day - but the other four are so bad that it seems that you just can't go on.

The idea is to get your head out of that awful place. To get your head out - you have to give it something else to think about.

You need to find something to distract you from the anger and the darkness. At least long enough to let your pulse and breathing slow down.

And you also need a lot more. You have more need than a letter can solve.

I want you to know that I care.

You are working. You are seeing. You are approaching God. These are great things. You are doing some great things. I know the rages are awful - and God can work on them. But, you need to give Him a door.

Try to think on things that will calm you. Things that are good. And come back to talk.

[hopenconfidence]

From reading your replies, I am grateful for your kind and encouraging words. It's an ongoing battle as we all are going through and I'm at my breaking point. First thing is to give EVERYTHING to Him for He knows me best and to listen to what He says. That has been my problem, not listening to His words. Perhaps because of that is why I'm full of rage and bitterness. I've allowed the devil to come in and now I'm fighting to get him out. With what you said as far as Scriptures, they are ones that I will recite in my head as well as a "Thank You Lord" for anything good. It's going to be a day by day battle but in the end, He will have the victory as He did when He died on the cross.

I'm just praying that my rage and bitterness will cease and I'll be able to bring in the joy I once had. As I said last night, that getting this out in the open will help me see what is the real issue and after reading your replies, it helped me see that I'm not alone but also see that He is as work. For He used you to tell me that He is near and that I can depend on Him for strength.

I'll keep all of you up-to-date on this situation for I want you to see that He has taught me how to get through these tough circumstances. Thank you for your responses once again and I will let you know soon.

[dema]

We are here and we care. In some of the Psalms, the Psalmists really cry out to God. Sometimes they get pretty cranky with God.

But keep the dialogue open. Keep talking to God and to people who care.

[hopenconfidence]

I'm glad that I came back here for at least a couple of years, I avoided this site because of the struggles I've dealt with. As I said, it's an ongoing battle and I know in my heart that everything will turn out for the best because God is in it all.

@Bren-thank you sis for your encouraging words and I have been reading in the Word everyday, I guess not letting it sink in would be a problem that needs to be resolved. As far as not looking back, that is something I'm working on because I don't really travel or go to places except church, church functions or work, my mind wanders and I start thinking. I'm working on keeping my thoughts pure but as with everything else, it's a battle. Thank you for your prayers for I will continue in this battle.

@dema-thank you once again sis for your words for you don't want me to give up. I read through the Psalms and actually wrote one of my own. Writing things down or reading through the Scriptures will help with these struggles of mine. Thank you for your reminder to keeping the dialogue open to God.

For me going through these things, it is taking one day at a time and a lot of discipline. It's going to be rough but having Jesus near and a good family nearby for prayers will help me through it once and for all.

[dema]

Spoil yourself a little - love yourself a lot. Bubble baths or fluffy socks or special music.

Think on the good things - and include finding things to love about yourself.

You know they are there - what would you like in you if you met you at a party?

(Having the same stuff to gripe about doesn't count. )

[hopenconfidence]

@dema-good ideas of spoiling myself every once in awhile and finding kind things about myself. I guess I've been worried about others and their needs that I forgot about myself. This year will be different for I will do a lot of soul searching and talking with God more (it's not a resolution, it's a truth goal) As I said before, with Jesus nearby and having a family who is near, this little battle will be won for He already conquered evil. Thank You Lord!!

Sorry, it's been awhile since I was on here last. A bit of trouble with the computer and work (since I'm on it 8 hours a day, my eyes can't look at another computer screen )

I'll keep all of you up to date on this ongoing issue. Thanks a bunches

hope

[Guest]

Hope, I "hope" you are doing well. I just wanted to offer some advice on the subject of relationships. My suggestion would be to put the girlfriend thing on hold for the time being. Why? Because you shouldn't even consider having a relationship until you've worked out your own issues first. I mean, if you want to be a husband some day, then you need to get your emotions under control. The reason the majority of relationships fail (especially Christian ones) is because people rush into them out of some wild uncontrolled desire to "be with someone" instead of just allowing it to happen naturally (if it's going to happen at all).

The number one thing you should be concerning yourself with is your relationship with God, because married or not God has to come first. When people are more concerned about finding a mate than finding God then those relationships will ultimately fail. Why? Consider the following verses...

But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord--how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world--how he may please his wife.
(1 Corinthians 7:32-33 NKJV)

And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction.
(1 Corinthians 7:35 NKJV)

If you concern is more for a mate than God, then you need to get your priorities switched around. And it is wise to have this priority already cemented into your being before getting involved with anyone. Because as those verses indicate it is much harder to do once you're in a relationship.

[hopenconfidence]

@write2witness-thanks for your reply; however, I'm a female not male. (it's okay ) To let you know, finding a mate isn't really on the top of my list but it's on there. My situation is having bitter feelings towards others because of my mess-ups. As I'm reading through everyone's replies, one thing kept sticking out and that is giving it over to Him and allow Him to work through me and my situations. I listed in the first post of mine that not only am I struggling with not having a mate but also financial and emotional struggles. Venting out what my problems are has shown me what I need to work on and from what you said, that I need to have God first in my life is definitely something I'm striving for. I know He has a guy for me, I need Him first for He is the Only One who knows me best. I know that having a mate will keep me away from Him so that is why I'm working on my relationship with Him for it fell apart a bit. That is another reason why I'm back on here for there has been something missing so that is why He led me here so the relationship with Him will be stronger than ever. I appreciate your reply and will keep that in mind as each day goes. Thanks brother, I appreciate it

hope

[deetu]

hi hopen, as I was reading your post, the thing that popped in my mind is for you to look to Holy Spirit for your guidance. I know you are saying to give everything over to God and that is great, but Holy Spirit will guide you on prayers to say and what to do with things that happen.

http://www.christianityoasis.com/Temple ... efault.htm

I found that after I would look to God thru Holy Spirit/Jesus for guidance, things started to happen. Ask, listen and do