Christianity Oasis Forum
Posted: Mon Apr 26, 2010 7:45 am Post subject:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey VK
That is where I failed also was the simple hug at the door when she came home from work and the words how was your day and actually care for a response.
don't get me wrong I had my moments....like she made comments of how she hated the wall paper in our living rm so we where at lowes and I got some idea of what she liked and one day when she left for work (i pretended I was going in late) I tore our living rm apart sealed and painted it and put it back together BEFORE she got home. and on our 10th aniv. I stood in front of the 300+ church and told her how much I loved her and asked if she would remarry me on the spot!! I would ALWAYS buy her flowers and such on the proper occasions and take her to dinner.....BUT I sometimes forgot the simplest pleasures was the things she needed most, so it must be a man thing, I have come to learn of how differently men and women are when it comes to the thinking process and how we look at certain things.
please don't blame us too much we just can't help it we tend to "not think outside the box" so to speak.
God bless and good luck with this man you are with now, I hope he wises up and treats you as the gift from God that you are!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey VK
That is where I failed also was the simple hug at the door when she came home from work and the words how was your day and actually care for a response.
don't get me wrong I had my moments....like she made comments of how she hated the wall paper in our living rm so we where at lowes and I got some idea of what she liked and one day when she left for work (i pretended I was going in late) I tore our living rm apart sealed and painted it and put it back together BEFORE she got home. and on our 10th aniv. I stood in front of the 300+ church and told her how much I loved her and asked if she would remarry me on the spot!! I would ALWAYS buy her flowers and such on the proper occasions and take her to dinner.....BUT I sometimes forgot the simplest pleasures was the things she needed most, so it must be a man thing, I have come to learn of how differently men and women are when it comes to the thinking process and how we look at certain things.
please don't blame us too much we just can't help it we tend to "not think outside the box" so to speak.
God bless and good luck with this man you are with now, I hope he wises up and treats you as the gift from God that you are!!
LET GO AND LET GOD!!
-
Christnundrconstruxn - Posts: 712
- Location: Ohio
- Marital Status: Divorced
posted: Fri Apr 23, 2010 9:30 am Post subject:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey MC,
I just want to encourage you to spoil her anyway,
I know your feelings because I just left a relationship with my wife and she was the same way but I did those little (and big) things trying to spoil her and it was the same as for me not feeling too spoiled BUT in the end I know I did the best at spoiling her no matter what she gave me in return because that's not the reasons I spoiled her it was because I enjoyed doing it, I know I know it would be better if it was both ways but some people are not programed (by God) to be givers or servers.
Please know that my wife is a Good woman as I'm sure yours is also and I don't want it to sound as if I'm running her down or blaming her for our breakup, THAT was my doing!!
Please just remember "love her as Christ loved the church....and remember how the church treated Him.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey MC,
I just want to encourage you to spoil her anyway,
I know your feelings because I just left a relationship with my wife and she was the same way but I did those little (and big) things trying to spoil her and it was the same as for me not feeling too spoiled BUT in the end I know I did the best at spoiling her no matter what she gave me in return because that's not the reasons I spoiled her it was because I enjoyed doing it, I know I know it would be better if it was both ways but some people are not programed (by God) to be givers or servers.
Please know that my wife is a Good woman as I'm sure yours is also and I don't want it to sound as if I'm running her down or blaming her for our breakup, THAT was my doing!!
Please just remember "love her as Christ loved the church....and remember how the church treated Him.
LET GO AND LET GOD!!
-
Christnundrconstruxn - Posts: 712
- Location: Ohio
- Marital Status: Divorced
Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 11:32 am Post subject: I'm back!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes because it took me way too long to come back here but I have some news for the ones that remember me
1st I change my name alittle
2nd I have my own place and other than it being alittle lonely I love it
3rd MY BABY GIRLS GETTING CLOSE TO HAVING HER BABY!!
I still struggle with my obsession (sickness) but it's hard when being alone because I miss the love and affection of a womans touch, I have all through this leaned VERY HARD on our Lord He is the ONLY consistancy in my life, I have come to terms with the end of my marraige we are civil with each other but the thing that hurts the most is my kids don't seem to miss me that much, they hardly come over (1-2 times a month)
oh I almost forgot I am typing this on MY computer at home so maybe I will talk to you all more now, I have accepted that I have to move forward,
I know some of you will not agree with this but even though I'm only seperated I have put myself on a couple of dating sites, I'm tired of being lonely! I'm sure we will soon be divorcing but I'm not looking to get serious anytime very soon just need someone to spend a little time with if God sees it in His plans to Bless me with that and who knows Maybe down the road it will turn into the realationship that I've starved for ALL my life instead of these so so or onesided loves.
well that's enough for now those that remember me get at me I miss talking to you
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes because it took me way too long to come back here but I have some news for the ones that remember me
1st I change my name alittle
2nd I have my own place and other than it being alittle lonely I love it
3rd MY BABY GIRLS GETTING CLOSE TO HAVING HER BABY!!
I still struggle with my obsession (sickness) but it's hard when being alone because I miss the love and affection of a womans touch, I have all through this leaned VERY HARD on our Lord He is the ONLY consistancy in my life, I have come to terms with the end of my marraige we are civil with each other but the thing that hurts the most is my kids don't seem to miss me that much, they hardly come over (1-2 times a month)
oh I almost forgot I am typing this on MY computer at home so maybe I will talk to you all more now, I have accepted that I have to move forward,
I know some of you will not agree with this but even though I'm only seperated I have put myself on a couple of dating sites, I'm tired of being lonely! I'm sure we will soon be divorcing but I'm not looking to get serious anytime very soon just need someone to spend a little time with if God sees it in His plans to Bless me with that and who knows Maybe down the road it will turn into the realationship that I've starved for ALL my life instead of these so so or onesided loves.
well that's enough for now those that remember me get at me I miss talking to you
LET GO AND LET GOD!!
-
Christnundrconstruxn - Posts: 712
- Location: Ohio
- Marital Status: Divorced
Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2010 12:06 pm Post subject:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
this first part is to Mackenaw
it's not so much that of the routines but your right routines have been disrupted I too come from a divorce and like me I think my kids choose mom's over dad's because first I don't allow them as much freedom to do whatever they want, all hours on the internet, junk food and pop all the time, and rome the neighborhood, but I pray soon they will see that I love them no less than thier mother I just have different standards.
NOW Wonderfilled one, I am so glad to be remembered, I want to know how you were able to write my story, I read your post and so much of it sounds like I wrote it, the weekend- no one to share it with- and WALMART!!- I to get lost in laundry and keeping my house clean(alittle too clean some say for a man)- she filed bankruptcy and the house is being forclosed- she's moving to a place not far that she can better afford- and no she has not surrendered the anger,hurt resentment,betrayal- I have 3 kids 13 year old twins 1 boy 1 girl not doing bad in school but not doing the best either and a 17 year old that she had before we met but I loved as my own which is now 8 months pregnant.
so you see what I meant, as for me I refuse to give the devil the satisfaction I will rise up on eagles wings and soar far above his wicked ways someday soon
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
this first part is to Mackenaw
it's not so much that of the routines but your right routines have been disrupted I too come from a divorce and like me I think my kids choose mom's over dad's because first I don't allow them as much freedom to do whatever they want, all hours on the internet, junk food and pop all the time, and rome the neighborhood, but I pray soon they will see that I love them no less than thier mother I just have different standards.
NOW Wonderfilled one, I am so glad to be remembered, I want to know how you were able to write my story, I read your post and so much of it sounds like I wrote it, the weekend- no one to share it with- and WALMART!!- I to get lost in laundry and keeping my house clean(alittle too clean some say for a man)- she filed bankruptcy and the house is being forclosed- she's moving to a place not far that she can better afford- and no she has not surrendered the anger,hurt resentment,betrayal- I have 3 kids 13 year old twins 1 boy 1 girl not doing bad in school but not doing the best either and a 17 year old that she had before we met but I loved as my own which is now 8 months pregnant.
so you see what I meant, as for me I refuse to give the devil the satisfaction I will rise up on eagles wings and soar far above his wicked ways someday soon
LET GO AND LET GOD!!
-
Christnundrconstruxn - Posts: 712
- Location: Ohio
- Marital Status: Divorced
posted: Mon Nov 15, 2010 5:01 pm Post subject:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HEY PINE!!!
so good to hear from you! I missed you!!
and thank you for the prayers, as for the dating sites I don't know either and I have thought of getting more involved in the chat room and as you said where God leads me, I just want so bad to meet that someone that ends up being my best friend and the love of my life and me be the same to her, I'm just tired of the so so relationships thats what got me in the nightmare I'm in, I want that one I can confide in about ANYTHING and she stand by me!
as for me doing great and our Father being pleased I'm not so sure about that but I'm trying and as I said I WON'T give the devil the satisfaction of winning anymore. God is good...all the time, all the time...God is good!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HEY PINE!!!
so good to hear from you! I missed you!!
and thank you for the prayers, as for the dating sites I don't know either and I have thought of getting more involved in the chat room and as you said where God leads me, I just want so bad to meet that someone that ends up being my best friend and the love of my life and me be the same to her, I'm just tired of the so so relationships thats what got me in the nightmare I'm in, I want that one I can confide in about ANYTHING and she stand by me!
as for me doing great and our Father being pleased I'm not so sure about that but I'm trying and as I said I WON'T give the devil the satisfaction of winning anymore. God is good...all the time, all the time...God is good!!
LET GO AND LET GOD!!
-
Christnundrconstruxn - Posts: 712
- Location: Ohio
- Marital Status: Divorced
C-O-O-L Member
Joined: 04 Feb 2010
Posts: 152
Gender:
Location: Ohio
Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2010 10:31 am Post subject:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I too know the feeling, I can be in a room full of people and feel so alone and as for the depression it comes and goes
one thing I've realized in my life finally is it's not the friendship type of loneliness it's the "closer" type that I desire I am SO tired of the empty loves even the one with my wife of 13 years was not that best friend and confidaunt type of love and I have never had that, but I trust in the Lord that when HIS time is right it will happen, it's just the devil steps in and it's so hard waiting and wondering if I'll ever see that type of love before I leave this earth, and like you Praiseus I cry out in my lonely little home but no one hears....except God and without me realizing it He takes the thought away by steering my mind to other things
so know you are NOT alone we have God and friends and each other to see us through
God bless and keep trusting in our Lord He WILL provide when the time is right
Joined: 04 Feb 2010
Posts: 152
Gender:
Location: Ohio
Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2010 10:31 am Post subject:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I too know the feeling, I can be in a room full of people and feel so alone and as for the depression it comes and goes
one thing I've realized in my life finally is it's not the friendship type of loneliness it's the "closer" type that I desire I am SO tired of the empty loves even the one with my wife of 13 years was not that best friend and confidaunt type of love and I have never had that, but I trust in the Lord that when HIS time is right it will happen, it's just the devil steps in and it's so hard waiting and wondering if I'll ever see that type of love before I leave this earth, and like you Praiseus I cry out in my lonely little home but no one hears....except God and without me realizing it He takes the thought away by steering my mind to other things
so know you are NOT alone we have God and friends and each other to see us through
God bless and keep trusting in our Lord He WILL provide when the time is right
LET GO AND LET GOD!!
-
Christnundrconstruxn - Posts: 712
- Location: Ohio
- Marital Status: Divorced
one of my poems, sad that it is about losing but hope it helps someone else to not wait until it's too late
Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2010 10:55 am Post subject: What I had
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I wrote this shortly after I let satan destroy my life through his filth
I have wrote several poems some of which I think are alot better than this but this is the one I chose to share hoping someone will read and see the light before it's to late for them also.
God bless
WHAT I HAD
WHEN WE MET I KNEW IT WAS MEANT TO BE
BUT YOU OR I THE FUTURE WE CAN'T SEE
US AS ONE AND HAPPINESS FOREVER
I WOULD NOT LET YOU DOWN NO NEVER
I WOULD ALWAYS BE THE MAN YOU WED
AND TRUE TO THE WORDS THAT I SAID
NEVER TO STRAY OR LET YOU DOWN
MY LOVE CONFESSED ALL OVER TOWN
BUT AS OUR TIME SLOWLY PASSED BY
NO LONGER THE APPLE OF YOUR EYE
BECAUSE OF ACTIONS OF MINE
GROWING TO THOSE OF A SWINE
UNTIL THE WORST ANY EVER THOUGHT
AND HURT YOU MORE THAN WHEN WE FOUGHT
NO TURNING BACK TIME TO ERASE THE PAST
PAIN AND DISGUST BY ME LONG TO LAST
REALIZING TO LATE WHAT I'D DESTROYED
BY THE WAYS OF SATAN I WAS EMPLOYED
ALLOWING HIS WAYS TO DESTROY MY LIFE
LOSING WHAT MEANS MOST MY KIDS AND WIFE
NOW I BEG THE LORD MY SOUL TO TAKE
TO LAY AND SLEEP NEVER TO WAKE
BECAUSE LIFE WITHOUT THEM ALL
MEANS NO FURTHER CAN I FALL
MERCY AND FORGIVENESS THEM I BEG
FOR THIS I'D GIVE MY ARMS AND LEGS
SO ALSO TO THE GOOD LORD I'VE PRAYED
THE GOOD OF ME IN THEIR HEART STAYED
JUST ONE MORE CHANCE TO BE THE MAN I WAS TO BE
GIVE THIS TO ME AND I PROMISE YOU WILL SEE
A GOD FEARING LOVING HUSBAND AND DAD
BECAUSE NOW I KNOW ALL OF .WHAT I HAD
Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2010 10:55 am Post subject: What I had
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I wrote this shortly after I let satan destroy my life through his filth
I have wrote several poems some of which I think are alot better than this but this is the one I chose to share hoping someone will read and see the light before it's to late for them also.
God bless
WHAT I HAD
WHEN WE MET I KNEW IT WAS MEANT TO BE
BUT YOU OR I THE FUTURE WE CAN'T SEE
US AS ONE AND HAPPINESS FOREVER
I WOULD NOT LET YOU DOWN NO NEVER
I WOULD ALWAYS BE THE MAN YOU WED
AND TRUE TO THE WORDS THAT I SAID
NEVER TO STRAY OR LET YOU DOWN
MY LOVE CONFESSED ALL OVER TOWN
BUT AS OUR TIME SLOWLY PASSED BY
NO LONGER THE APPLE OF YOUR EYE
BECAUSE OF ACTIONS OF MINE
GROWING TO THOSE OF A SWINE
UNTIL THE WORST ANY EVER THOUGHT
AND HURT YOU MORE THAN WHEN WE FOUGHT
NO TURNING BACK TIME TO ERASE THE PAST
PAIN AND DISGUST BY ME LONG TO LAST
REALIZING TO LATE WHAT I'D DESTROYED
BY THE WAYS OF SATAN I WAS EMPLOYED
ALLOWING HIS WAYS TO DESTROY MY LIFE
LOSING WHAT MEANS MOST MY KIDS AND WIFE
NOW I BEG THE LORD MY SOUL TO TAKE
TO LAY AND SLEEP NEVER TO WAKE
BECAUSE LIFE WITHOUT THEM ALL
MEANS NO FURTHER CAN I FALL
MERCY AND FORGIVENESS THEM I BEG
FOR THIS I'D GIVE MY ARMS AND LEGS
SO ALSO TO THE GOOD LORD I'VE PRAYED
THE GOOD OF ME IN THEIR HEART STAYED
JUST ONE MORE CHANCE TO BE THE MAN I WAS TO BE
GIVE THIS TO ME AND I PROMISE YOU WILL SEE
A GOD FEARING LOVING HUSBAND AND DAD
BECAUSE NOW I KNOW ALL OF .WHAT I HAD
LET GO AND LET GOD!!
-
Christnundrconstruxn - Posts: 712
- Location: Ohio
- Marital Status: Divorced
Ok I am going to stop for now, but I hope to put all my post that concern my troubles here, I already felt some of what I was trying to acomplish just doing this much and reading as I went.
also I know some are probably thinking this is not how you are supposed to do it but this is how I want it so I as well as others can open this and see what I am seeing putting it all together
ALSO A HINT: you might not want to comment until I am done compiling all my old ones because if not you will get a lot of notices as I post each of my old ones
I cannot wait to get it done so I can go back and read it myself, although I know there will be some heartbreaking moments there will also be some moments that help me to realize just how far away from that pain I am now and what my Lord has done for me in the last year alone
God bless
Cuc
also I know some are probably thinking this is not how you are supposed to do it but this is how I want it so I as well as others can open this and see what I am seeing putting it all together
ALSO A HINT: you might not want to comment until I am done compiling all my old ones because if not you will get a lot of notices as I post each of my old ones
I cannot wait to get it done so I can go back and read it myself, although I know there will be some heartbreaking moments there will also be some moments that help me to realize just how far away from that pain I am now and what my Lord has done for me in the last year alone
God bless
Cuc
LET GO AND LET GOD!!
-
Christnundrconstruxn - Posts: 712
- Location: Ohio
- Marital Status: Divorced
Ok I decided not to put any more of my old post here and to start adding new ones because I can go to a search and find what I need.
So here it is the end of a bad year for me, well it started a bad year but God brought me through it to a good ending, so it was I guess the best worst year I could ask for, although it started with my world crashing around my feet He swept it all away.
I don't think I have ever had a year filled with so much emotion and so many different feelings, I would be lying if I said I was happy, I'm not because I lost my family,home and marriage but I AM content with were God has lead me after the heartbreak I just wish I could be released of the loneliness and find my true friend/love, I'm not getting younger and I pray I'm not doomed to die alone, that has ALWAYS been a fear for me and since I'm being honest so has the loss of sexual contact...well thats gone since we separated so I've already realized half of my fears.
the oddest part is it has not bothered me as much as I figured it would, I was afraid I would be out looking for any woman that would have me but I have not even wanted to try to date or be with any other women, now I know I shouldn't be because we are lawfully still married but please remember I'm trying to be honest and if any men on here will be honest and tell you after 14 years of so so marriage they would be out looking but other than being lonely for a womans soft touch I have been ok.
well I spoke with her last night and she asked me something I didn't want to answer, how much do I pay for rent, which in my opinion means one thing how much money do you have left for me to take, PLEASE don't get me wrong I will support my kids, but it does bother me that I didn't ask for this outcome..she did...now I am trying to make a new life for myself and I don't make much to begin with and I try to help in any way I can but she talks of getting a new tv and buying a new minivan so she can give my taurus to our daughter meanwhile I go and buy the cheapest thing I can find to replace the junk van I took instead of my taurus only to have her want the money I got from junking the van when I got the other car
so yes I do feel like I am on the short end and I feel like she does not care what I feel or where I end up, I mean to have your 14 year marriage disappear right in front of you like it never meant anything and with out any effort to save it, I just feel some times why do I owe her anything, my kids yes I owe them the world but not through her carelessness
I'm sorry if I am coming across like a low life PLEASE know I am not
I believe in family, I believe that when you commit to something...make that last effort, I believe this is NOT how God wants it to be but He is allowing it to go the way we are choosing, but I don't know how to stop the boulder that is rolling full speed down hill.
I am very confused and wanting whats best for ALL of us NOT just me!!
So here it is the end of a bad year for me, well it started a bad year but God brought me through it to a good ending, so it was I guess the best worst year I could ask for, although it started with my world crashing around my feet He swept it all away.
I don't think I have ever had a year filled with so much emotion and so many different feelings, I would be lying if I said I was happy, I'm not because I lost my family,home and marriage but I AM content with were God has lead me after the heartbreak I just wish I could be released of the loneliness and find my true friend/love, I'm not getting younger and I pray I'm not doomed to die alone, that has ALWAYS been a fear for me and since I'm being honest so has the loss of sexual contact...well thats gone since we separated so I've already realized half of my fears.
the oddest part is it has not bothered me as much as I figured it would, I was afraid I would be out looking for any woman that would have me but I have not even wanted to try to date or be with any other women, now I know I shouldn't be because we are lawfully still married but please remember I'm trying to be honest and if any men on here will be honest and tell you after 14 years of so so marriage they would be out looking but other than being lonely for a womans soft touch I have been ok.
well I spoke with her last night and she asked me something I didn't want to answer, how much do I pay for rent, which in my opinion means one thing how much money do you have left for me to take, PLEASE don't get me wrong I will support my kids, but it does bother me that I didn't ask for this outcome..she did...now I am trying to make a new life for myself and I don't make much to begin with and I try to help in any way I can but she talks of getting a new tv and buying a new minivan so she can give my taurus to our daughter meanwhile I go and buy the cheapest thing I can find to replace the junk van I took instead of my taurus only to have her want the money I got from junking the van when I got the other car
so yes I do feel like I am on the short end and I feel like she does not care what I feel or where I end up, I mean to have your 14 year marriage disappear right in front of you like it never meant anything and with out any effort to save it, I just feel some times why do I owe her anything, my kids yes I owe them the world but not through her carelessness
I'm sorry if I am coming across like a low life PLEASE know I am not
I believe in family, I believe that when you commit to something...make that last effort, I believe this is NOT how God wants it to be but He is allowing it to go the way we are choosing, but I don't know how to stop the boulder that is rolling full speed down hill.
I am very confused and wanting whats best for ALL of us NOT just me!!
LET GO AND LET GOD!!
-
Christnundrconstruxn - Posts: 712
- Location: Ohio
- Marital Status: Divorced
Hello cuc,
I hope its ok for me to post to your journal, I have seen through your testimony of writings how far our Lord has brought you. And i think it is a wonderful idea to compile them all here into one.
Just wanted to write you a lil note and let you know that i will keep you and your family in prayer. Hang in there, He didnt bring you this far to drop ya.
God bless you this new year in Him
Jill
I hope its ok for me to post to your journal, I have seen through your testimony of writings how far our Lord has brought you. And i think it is a wonderful idea to compile them all here into one.
Just wanted to write you a lil note and let you know that i will keep you and your family in prayer. Hang in there, He didnt bring you this far to drop ya.
God bless you this new year in Him
Jill
♥♥I strive to love others as Christ loves me... Ephesians 5:1 Be imitators of God therefore as dearly loved children and live a life of love...♥♥
-
xxJILLxx - Posts: 1094
- Location: northeast ohio
- Marital Status: In A Relationship
Thank you Jill and yes I want to hear from everyone,
I am doing better I just have my moments when I'm down and satan starts to kickin me but My Lord and my WONDERFUL brothers and sisters on Oasis lift me above his reach.
this IS a new year and God willing I am asking that He allows me to move on to a happy place in life and enjoy my kids and grandchild.
I spent all night in the bowling alley with my kids and church friends
and I'm about to take my daughters out on a shopping spree so yes so far Gods is answering my prayer of a good new year
God bless
Cuc
I am doing better I just have my moments when I'm down and satan starts to kickin me but My Lord and my WONDERFUL brothers and sisters on Oasis lift me above his reach.
this IS a new year and God willing I am asking that He allows me to move on to a happy place in life and enjoy my kids and grandchild.
I spent all night in the bowling alley with my kids and church friends
and I'm about to take my daughters out on a shopping spree so yes so far Gods is answering my prayer of a good new year
God bless
Cuc
LET GO AND LET GOD!!
-
Christnundrconstruxn - Posts: 712
- Location: Ohio
- Marital Status: Divorced
WOW WHAT WAS I THINKING....2 teenage girls +shopping
Just kidding I had fun with 2 of the most beautiful girls in my life
today 8 hour shopping spree
I love that He allowed me that time with them
Just kidding I had fun with 2 of the most beautiful girls in my life
today 8 hour shopping spree
I love that He allowed me that time with them
LET GO AND LET GOD!!
-
Christnundrconstruxn - Posts: 712
- Location: Ohio
- Marital Status: Divorced
Return to Called Christians Journals
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 201 guests