Christianity Oasis Forum

[dema]

I've been a Christian for many years. I have regular devotional times and God works in my life. The issues that are disturbing me entirely relate to my marriage. I don't know that this is what I need.

[Lani]

Amen!
Take a deep breath sis

Hey Dema

to

First, you cannot blame yourself for not "fixing" hubby1... yeah I know easier said than done, Prayers for you in this respect. But until he is/was ready to accept Gods healing and work on wholeness... there was little you would/could have done to help him.

Hubby2 and my sons father sound like the same man well in reality, a combo of the two is more the picture... enough about me

Marijuana... yes recreational early in his usage may have seemed to create a "calming" effect... however over years of use/abuse those chemical responses change... the brain cells that would feel the effects of that calming are dead and thus cannot accept that response... anger is a common response in extended use/abuse though not uncommon from onset of use... generally those who seek the release of the feelings they experience by turning to these substances, turn away when the result they sought is not found.

He quit and joined NA you said? Is he still abstaining or has be begun to use again?

Well, unless he has found some sort of support to work through the issues that caused him to seek self medication in the first place, (40 years ago) that underlying anger/pain/resentment will continue to consume him and will manifest itself into lashing out on the closest target.... which seems to be you sis.

I get that you want to help him, awesome. Perhaps your preacher would step in to assist the two of you, once you explain that you are committed to trying to help him and would like additional resources. If not, perhaps talk to his NA sponsor about additional support (anger management etc.) to aid y'all as you come together. Additionally, much like Al-anon, there is spousal support to assist you in helping him on this path.

There is a great program that works to help make a marriage stronger .....
"Til Death do Us Part"
www.christianityoasis.com/TilDeathDoUspart/forum.htm

But, I would recommend that y'all do so together after the CCCC Study you are presently doing If God leads you that is.

As for your CCCC Walk, sis if I may....
I'd like to challenge you to look at this from a different view. I understand the the pains of your marriage is very present, but for now..... may I suggest that you try to look beyond this to before your marriage.... Let this study focus on healing your heart, completely from the beginning... then work on the more recent stuff as He shows ya.

Prayers are with you on this journey! Thanks for sharing this walk with us and welcome once again!!

Meet ya here for step 2

Peace and Love in Christ,
Lani

[deetu]

Great that you are doing the study dema. You will find that every day, a different situation will come at the right time. Don't worry about your husband right now, do the study for yourself and let God talk to you thru it.

[dema]

He has quit using and is dealing with many of the issues he used pot to avoid. I am amazed, and have been in the past, with his ability to just confront certain issues and make a change. He up and decided to lose weight one of the previous times I was going to leave him. (I wanted him to quit haranguing at me and instead he turned himself from a fat guy into a muscled hunk of a man.)

Before my marriage? I married the first time at 20 and was single for less than two years between husbands. I've lived alone for a maximum span of 4 weeks two different times in my life, and one of those times I generally had someone staying with me.

[Dora]

dema it sounds like he really loves you. Love can overcome all.

Keep praying and hoping because love always hopes, and be watchful as you expect those prayers to be answered.

Use this study to to reveal things about yourself that God would like to remove or polish so you become closer to the finished product that He seeks.

Praying for you dema. Hope to see what tomorrows step brings you.