Christianity Oasis Forum

[darkness_b4_light]

this is the 4th day i have read step one... and for the fourth time i still don't understand... i mean i understand the words it says... i just don't know if it will work... how it will work... whenever i try to read stuff like this i get so confused n so overwhelmed. the scary part is i used to teach other people this stuff and now i can't make sense of it... that part of my life feels like it was a million years ago ... a different life... a different person. now i am so far removed from the light in which you all live that it hurts to even come close to it. idk... maybe i don't have the capacity to have faith enough to believe i can be saved and brought into the light anymore. i know everyone will say something along the lines of no sin, no problem is too great for the power of God to overcome and defeat. it just doesn't feel that way anymore. maybe i'm just not one of the elect and that's why i can't stay in the light.

i guess i'll try step 1 again another day.

[goldieluvs]

darkness b4light

I am far from perfect and many many times i also fail to see the light. What keeps me going is knowing that God IS there. When i can't see hear or feel, it is because I have moved, not God.

That enemy sure can convince us of lots of false things. Twist things, confuse us and anything to keep us from believing who we are in Christ. It makes us less effective (have been there many times myself and while i would like to say never again..... I don't think that would be an honest statement) I say this to let you know that you are not alone. We ALL fall.... we get back up.

There is something you said i would like to speak on:

maybe i'm just not one of the elect and that's why i can't stay in the light.

God wants ALL of us, every single soul, including YOU. You are in the midst of a battle. God doesn't bring confusion, He brings peace. Just one step at a time, cuz we are mere humans. God is right there waiting for you. You are a precious child of God, regardless of the internal messages you are receiving from the enemy. Hold onto that Truth.

Many here will follow where ever you need to go and will provide encouragement along the way. God works through all of us. And sometimes even when we can't see, He is simply continuing to work and suddenly you will see the light again.

Don't give up.... God is still waiting... and He loves u. Hang onto that, the rest will come.. as someone once said here..... progress not perfection. God who began a good work in you, will see it completed.

[Christnundrconstruxn]

Welcome HOME d b4 Light,
I love the name but you notice I put the positive of it, please don't let satan do this, he is pulling you away with the negitivity and confusion,
I know how you feel, you see I too use to teach to a youth group but in my personal life I let satan destroy my dreams BUT what he didn't know was he could NOT destroy my faith, you see he tore me down to almost nothing but all it did was make me closer to God and pray that much harder which in turn made him weaker.
and your right I'm going to say something along those lines because it's TRUE, all sin is equal in His eyes, theres no little or big sin it's all sin just the same! as for you being the select one we ALL are the select one it depends on us to ACCEPT IT or let satan talk us away
as for staying in the light, let me put it the way it is in the steps on here
you will fall down but it is up to you to get up and brush yourself off or stay there on your knees looking kinda silly, my knees are SO sore but every time satan knocks me to my knees I use it against him because while I'm down there I pray then I get up and try my best not to allow satan to do it again but he's sneaky, remember in school you always had that kid that would catch someone not looking and stick his foot out to trip the poor soul not paying attention....sound familiar?
you never left the light you just allowed satan to block it
read any and every step as MANY times as it takes for satan to realize you are NOT giving up and soon the Lord will step in and say ENOUGH!!!
God bless you darkness_b4_light
Christnundrconstruxn (Cuc)

[Christnundrconstruxn]

Amen goldieluvs!!!

[darkness_b4_light]

thank you both for the encouragement. i'm not giving up... i have been tryin to ignore this pull on my life for yrs now.... i want to believe there will be a time when i will feel the warmth of God's light filling me from the inside out. i believe with my whole heart that is what i see when i look to people like those here at this site. i just hope one day i will be able to believe i can be one of those people. but right now... right now i can't even imagine being the same as all of you. i know there is truth in your words... i just don't have the strength n courage to face it yet i guess. maybe i'm crazy... i haven't quite figured it out yet... i know it will sounds crazy... but the truth is i am terrified of standing in the light because i know that requires being fully exposed to God's love... its insane right? i am terrified to feel loved. to accept love. but its the truth.

[Dora]

i am terrified to feel loved. to accept love.

You're not alone. I've been there. Believe me, letting go and receiving His love is a much more comfortable place to be. There truly is nothing to fear by receiving His love. Now that I'm on the other side I can see where I was is the place we should fear. That dark, cold lonelyness that comes from not accepting His complete love. The fact that you are here doing these steps and thinking these things shows that He is calling you to come into the fullness of His love. Do not fret, He won't relent until you give in and allow Him to pour His love over you. He is good like that. He wants you, His dear child to come closer to Him.

Praying for you. God loves you and so do I!

[Christnundrconstruxn]

awww db4l
I must tell you a little less than a year ago I was where you are in the darkest of dark and felt that there was NO WAY God could want me but now, I am still struggling but I know one thing for sure God loves me even in my imperfect brokenness, so as you look to us please see, we ARE you!!
And please know we THROUGH Him will lift you and HE will give you strength!!
Gods love IS perfect and it IS for you please don't be afraid of the greatest gift ever given....His love
and we love you too!!!
God bless
Cuc

[goldieluvs]

awwwwwwwww

God knows ALL and sees ALL anyways whether we are in light or dark. His love is pure and perfect unlike man's love. Sometimes we as children are given false ideas of what love truly is. (such as a child hearing from their parent i am doing this because i love you, while they are being hurt) God does give correction, don't get me wrong, but it's merely to bring us into closer relationship with Him.

None of us here are perfect. ALL of us make mistakes. Sometimes when i fall i will run and hide from here as opposed to dealing with it with God, but God knows anyways. It doesn't stop Him from loving me and it doesn't stop Him from loving YOU! (or anyone else for that matter)

I do get the feeling completely exposed part, as in maybe some things just not ready to give up or thinking its too bad or ugly for God to see,,, but God IS LOVE. Only He can bring true peace. Only He shows perfect love. And those things we sometimes hold onto.... well, somehow slowly God just works on em if we will let Him and suddenly they no longer hold us back.

[darkness_b4_light]

after feeling a failure for not getting through step 1, i went into chat. someone dear came into chat and we started talking... before i knew it i was sharing things i've never shared, i was talking... i found a voice... it wasn't easy, there were alot of tears shed and a few very sketchy moments where i nearly gave into some bad coping mechanisms because the fear was too much... but the reality is.. that i didn't...with the help of my new friend i persevered through the anxiety and panic and instead reached out to God and asked Him to help me take the steps to get closer to Him and trust Him. Once i was able to do this my new friend explained to me that i just made it through step 1 without even realizing i did it. i took a step of faith and have decided to believe that there is hope for my life.

standing in the shadows
hiding in the darkness
bound by iron chains of a darker past.

there's laughter and singing
humming in the distance
a celebration just beyond the glass.

a longing to join them
wanting to know the light
paralyzing fear the only lock and key.

could it be possible
could i be free like them
someone's tapping at the glass calling to me.

[Tam]

Darknessb4light....I am so glad that you found a voice, that you pushed through and didn't give in to the overwhelming desires that you usually give in to. So glad that you have found the faith to press through just a little further.
It is not going to be easy .....but I believe in you and I know that you can do it.
Love ya sis

[deetu]

woo hoo b4
little by little