Christianity Oasis Forum

[deetu]

Go to the church God told you to go to and it will be good
It is time for you to be with real people... it will be good, you'll see.
No fear... only freedom

[Tam]

Well I did it! I went to church with real people today. The preach preaced a sermon on It is not real until it is personal. In that sermon he was talking about our Relationship with Jesus Christ. How it is not real until we know Him in a personal way. He was talking about how God brought us out of Egypt and how HE protected us on our entire journey. Whether we miss up are we It is only 1:41 here and I am wishing the day was over and it was tomorrow. I am stronger than that and I am not going to give up. He can make my life totally miserable every Sunday if he wants but I am not going to give in. He can do whatever but I refuse to turn my back and not go to church anymore. I have got to be stronger than he is.
I will do lesson 14 later on today when things settle down and do my post on that later.
Tam

[mlg]

Wow, I got chills just reading about your journey today...what a blessing! You went and sat in the house of the Lord, and worshiped with fellow Christians and heard an awesome sermon...and...I'm so excited.

Glad you went sis.

luv ya

[ciny]

Hi Tam
Thanks for shring this wow cool its good to hear your not going to give up
you are an encouragement to me, thats great you went to church i like the sermon its not real until its personal.
have a blessed week in the Lord Jesus Christ this is great
Ciny

[deetu]

[Dora]

Praying for you today Tam.

[Tam]

Well I did it! I finished the 14 days! I can honestly say that I feel better than I have every felt. I know that I am not there yet but I am on my way. I get it now! I know what to do. I have got to stay focused. I have got to keep my eyes on HIM. Monday proved that for me.
I had a MRI done and was really dreading it because the last one I had was absolutely horrible. Well I went into this with with a different attitude. Things were going to be ok. Time came to have it done and was still thinking positive. The lady went to push my up in the (coffin) and I closed by eyes and began to sing songs in my heard. songs like Sweet Holy Spirit, Peace Peace, just different hymns and things were good. I was trusting God. Then 13 minutes into the test I did the unthinkable. I opened my eyes! I was good until I opened my eyes....then the pictures started coming in my mind. I started to have tears roll out my eyes and I was trembling with fear. But I remember something I had learned (finally) and I began to say I trust you Lord I trust you Lord and even tho I was having a flashback per say...I had a peace. I knew that God had me and that I would be ok. It was just a matter of me trusting Him. The pictures had a new meaning now. Yes they hurt but Trusting Him takes all the pain away because I know now that He is more than able to carry me through.
I understand that I am His child and that He does love me! and you know what.......I am beginning to love me to.
Thanks for all your prayers durning the journal time for me. I know that God lead me here for such a time as this.
Tam

[mlg]

Awww Tam, my precious sister, you have come a very long way....progress sis...not perfection and you have made a ton of progress. Just remember to go back and review the steps as you need...especially in areas where you are still struggling at times.

I'm so happy for you Tam...and may the Love of the Lord show you just how special you are!

luv ya bunches

[deetu]

We are so proud of you !!
You didn't allow yourself to fall back into the pit. The enemy tormented you but couldn't get you back there again because you finally believed God.
That is soooo great!!

[Dora]

Thank you Jesus! Love you Tam

[Tam]

Well Hello guys
Today as been ummmmm well HARD . Had to go talk to a child psychologist for some problems my baby child is having. I went alone because I knew what would be discussed and wanted to discuss it without little ears being around. Had to face somethings that I really wasn't ready to face. I sat in this ladies office and had tears rolling as we talked.
My child is portraying actions of having been abused is what she said. Exactly what I did not want to hear her say. Thought that we had worked through that but apparently not! I sat there with tears rolling down my face because I got this picture of how God must have felt when it happened to me. How much He must have hurt watching me got thru all the abuse and then have to watch my kids go through the same thing.
OUCH!!!
Yes this hurts....it hurts very bad. To know that there is nothing I can do for my baby girl that has built walls up just like her mom. To hear my baby girl say I am fine all the time and knowing that she isn't. But to now have my baby girl have to go and talk to someone that she doesn't even know to help her get to the bottom of this. TO tear the walls down if I may.
I have talked to God all day on and off... I have cried and I have tried my best not to put walls back up. Which I think I have not done.
What do I do with all these feelings that feel so real for my babygirl when she will not even give me the time of day? How do I even begin to let her know that I understand and that I am not angry or upset with her at all? I too like her have hid this and run from it. Guess it is time to face the fact that my baby girl has hurt like I have.
I have forgiven the one that hurt her and we have had zero contact with the person that committed the crime against her. But I have taught her how to push it behind a wall and to not deal with it properly. Maybe this is why she tells me she hates me all the time because she doesn't know what is going on in her little mind. She tells me all the time that she hates her. I have ignored all that when she has said that and said that I love you and you should too.
I have created a little me before God I know that God can reach her because HE did me and she is His. But OUCH!

[mlg]

Praying for you and the little one Tam

luv ya bunches