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My story
by Jonelle » Thu Sep 23, 2010 7:27 pm
Some of this story has been said a few times in other forums, but this is a detailed story that I will like to share and get feedback on it.
I really don't know where to start, but starting from the beginning is probably best so you can best understand the situation. I was in a relationship with my ex for the four years of high school. I was was the one that messed up that relationship and when I found out he was being revengeful I bailed. Right after I got out of this relationship I went right into another one at the age of 19. I have been with him for 8 years. We have two kids together and he has a son from a previous relationship.
Now in the beginning of our relationship we use to talk about everything and anything. I even told him that I still had feelings for my ex, but I didn't want to go back to him. I do admit that I did carry some stuff from my pass relationship into this one, but never did my kids father wrong. I was always real with my feelings with him and he did decided to still stay with me. Now the only reason I got with my kids father was to get over my ex, which is wrong, but he knew what it was.
My kids father is the type to be very clingy and I wasn't use to that, so I started to push him away. After our first child it got worse. I became overwhelmed with being a mother and realizing that this man that I am with is lazy.
Mind you we moved in with each other too soon. I started to see everything that I didn't like about him and being negative most of the time, which I'm trying to get rid of now. The reasons why I like him was because he was charming and a sweet talker and he did give me a lot of attention, but that started fading when I started to see more of his flaws.
I'm not going to say I was perfect because I wasn't. Every time we got in an argument I always told him to leave. I don't do this now but I use to hit him when he wouldn't leave me alone. This is because when I'm upset I liked to be left alone. Anyway it has been violent throughout our relationship on both parts and last year was really scary for me, but I won't get into that just yet.
For 6 years I haven't been the type to question him or snoop through his stuff. I have trusted him, but just couldn't give him my heart all the way. In the seventh year of our relationship he started to get distant a little. He have always been a night owl, but It came to the point that he never came to bed for like a month. When I use to come on to him, he denied me and that's not like him to do that. I try to not think nothing of it. The night he told me he wanted to leave was the night that I was getting on him about having people over for studio time. By the way he is a struggling rapper. Anyway I guess that's when he had it with me and he told me that he is tired of me not opening up to him and that he can't understand why after 6 years I haven't gave him my heart. So he left He still came and watch the kids for me when I went to work, but after that he would leave.
Now while he was gone he was still texting me he love me and miss me. Oh that got on my nerves. I always use to ask him if he was talking to anybody else, he swore he wasn't. I new he was. When I told him that I knew he was trying to get my attention and he did get my attention, but he still stayed away for a whole month. During that month he stole 500 hundred dollars from me and he told me he did because we owed money that I didn't know anything about. That was the first betrayal. I forgave him for that, but after a month he told me he wanted to come back home because he was missing me and told me that he was talking to some girl, got drunk one night, slept with her, and got her pregnant. She got an abortion and I forgave him because we was not together, but all the time he was with her he was still telling me how much he loved me. I didn't want that situation to bother me, but it was eating away at me. After we decided to go work things out I started snooping. I found an email telling her that he will always love her and writing her poems that he used to write for me in the beginning of our relationship. When I found out of course he begged and plead, which is something he is very good at. I told him I was done and this is when he gets mad and tells me that I'm the reason why he left and did the things that he did and still do. I fall for the begging and pleading, but then I look through his phone and he is telling some other girl how beautiful she is. He said she is just a friend. When I told him I'm leaving again, he acts like he don't care and go look for his ex girlfriend on line and tells her that now he's single. My fault again. Then I decided to talk to the girl he got pregnant to hear her side and her side was not what I wanted to hear. He says she is lying. Then I find an email with him commenting on how sexy someone looks. My fault again. By the way he makes excuses for everything that he does. Before all this happen he created two dating sites. This is before he left me. He says he just created it, but didn't do anything on it. I say it's the intentions of doing it.
We went to counseling one time, but didn't finish because we had moved. I was suppose to move by myself because I was done with him, but I end up bringing him along. Before we moved every time I told him I want to leave he do things to try to intimidate. He was kind of physical, but never actually hit me. It was terrible. After we moved I found a voice message from some other girl saying that she misses him. He says he didn't know that she was going to be like that, that he thought it was only on a friendship level. I can't understand why he would even get her number after everything we been going through. I was so done after that. I wanted revenge, so I started talking to my ex. Didn't see him or do anything with. All we did talk about the pass and what we was doing with our lives now. After 5 months I told him, he was mad but he still wanted to make it work with me. I told him more than once that I needed to be by myself because after everything that has happened it's difficult for me to get passed it. He doesn't want to hear it. He thinks I'm not fighting enough for this relationship.
Basically it has been a emotional rollarcoaster with this man, I'm tired of going through it with him. It seems that I can't get rid of him. 3 months ago I told him that I'm done and that I wasn't in love with him. He was furious. Throughout our relationship I was never sure if I was or not, but when I finally said that I wasn't. He extremely made a big deal out of it. He begged and plead those 3 months and at the same time said things to me that was not good when he got angry. During those three months he goes on a dating site because he says he's lonely, this right here is confusing. But he says I'm confusing. Last night he has told me he's been flirting, but I thought he wants to work it out. He is really getting on my nerves. I don't know what to do with him. He says he's flirting because I told him I don't want to be with him, then why stay here? He says He shouldn't be the only one fighting for us to be together, why should I fight? Throughout this relationship he has always try to make me feel guilty and it has worked. We are suppose to go to counseling next Monday, but I really doubt if it works. We are not even married and we are going through too much. I also don't like the fact that he is into watching porn. That just make me more insecure and more of a problem of me trusting.
He says that after two years that I already should have forgiven him, but so much has happened in one year. How am I suppose to do that? I can write all day, but please any advice you have for me is much needed. I'm driving myself crazy over a relationship that I don't think I need to be in. Please help!!!
I have wrote on a website that helps women with self esteem issues, but didn't get much feedback yet. Hopefully you can help. Since I wrote this I have told him to leave and of course he has got angry and told me that I'm not a godly woman because I kicked him out in the streets. Am I'm wrong for doing this? I feel I'm not. I have to look out for my kids and sometimes I feel like he does things to try to make me feel guilty. I don't know your advice would be great.
I really don't know where to start, but starting from the beginning is probably best so you can best understand the situation. I was in a relationship with my ex for the four years of high school. I was was the one that messed up that relationship and when I found out he was being revengeful I bailed. Right after I got out of this relationship I went right into another one at the age of 19. I have been with him for 8 years. We have two kids together and he has a son from a previous relationship.
Now in the beginning of our relationship we use to talk about everything and anything. I even told him that I still had feelings for my ex, but I didn't want to go back to him. I do admit that I did carry some stuff from my pass relationship into this one, but never did my kids father wrong. I was always real with my feelings with him and he did decided to still stay with me. Now the only reason I got with my kids father was to get over my ex, which is wrong, but he knew what it was.
My kids father is the type to be very clingy and I wasn't use to that, so I started to push him away. After our first child it got worse. I became overwhelmed with being a mother and realizing that this man that I am with is lazy.
Mind you we moved in with each other too soon. I started to see everything that I didn't like about him and being negative most of the time, which I'm trying to get rid of now. The reasons why I like him was because he was charming and a sweet talker and he did give me a lot of attention, but that started fading when I started to see more of his flaws.
I'm not going to say I was perfect because I wasn't. Every time we got in an argument I always told him to leave. I don't do this now but I use to hit him when he wouldn't leave me alone. This is because when I'm upset I liked to be left alone. Anyway it has been violent throughout our relationship on both parts and last year was really scary for me, but I won't get into that just yet.
For 6 years I haven't been the type to question him or snoop through his stuff. I have trusted him, but just couldn't give him my heart all the way. In the seventh year of our relationship he started to get distant a little. He have always been a night owl, but It came to the point that he never came to bed for like a month. When I use to come on to him, he denied me and that's not like him to do that. I try to not think nothing of it. The night he told me he wanted to leave was the night that I was getting on him about having people over for studio time. By the way he is a struggling rapper. Anyway I guess that's when he had it with me and he told me that he is tired of me not opening up to him and that he can't understand why after 6 years I haven't gave him my heart. So he left He still came and watch the kids for me when I went to work, but after that he would leave.
Now while he was gone he was still texting me he love me and miss me. Oh that got on my nerves. I always use to ask him if he was talking to anybody else, he swore he wasn't. I new he was. When I told him that I knew he was trying to get my attention and he did get my attention, but he still stayed away for a whole month. During that month he stole 500 hundred dollars from me and he told me he did because we owed money that I didn't know anything about. That was the first betrayal. I forgave him for that, but after a month he told me he wanted to come back home because he was missing me and told me that he was talking to some girl, got drunk one night, slept with her, and got her pregnant. She got an abortion and I forgave him because we was not together, but all the time he was with her he was still telling me how much he loved me. I didn't want that situation to bother me, but it was eating away at me. After we decided to go work things out I started snooping. I found an email telling her that he will always love her and writing her poems that he used to write for me in the beginning of our relationship. When I found out of course he begged and plead, which is something he is very good at. I told him I was done and this is when he gets mad and tells me that I'm the reason why he left and did the things that he did and still do. I fall for the begging and pleading, but then I look through his phone and he is telling some other girl how beautiful she is. He said she is just a friend. When I told him I'm leaving again, he acts like he don't care and go look for his ex girlfriend on line and tells her that now he's single. My fault again. Then I decided to talk to the girl he got pregnant to hear her side and her side was not what I wanted to hear. He says she is lying. Then I find an email with him commenting on how sexy someone looks. My fault again. By the way he makes excuses for everything that he does. Before all this happen he created two dating sites. This is before he left me. He says he just created it, but didn't do anything on it. I say it's the intentions of doing it.
We went to counseling one time, but didn't finish because we had moved. I was suppose to move by myself because I was done with him, but I end up bringing him along. Before we moved every time I told him I want to leave he do things to try to intimidate. He was kind of physical, but never actually hit me. It was terrible. After we moved I found a voice message from some other girl saying that she misses him. He says he didn't know that she was going to be like that, that he thought it was only on a friendship level. I can't understand why he would even get her number after everything we been going through. I was so done after that. I wanted revenge, so I started talking to my ex. Didn't see him or do anything with. All we did talk about the pass and what we was doing with our lives now. After 5 months I told him, he was mad but he still wanted to make it work with me. I told him more than once that I needed to be by myself because after everything that has happened it's difficult for me to get passed it. He doesn't want to hear it. He thinks I'm not fighting enough for this relationship.
Basically it has been a emotional rollarcoaster with this man, I'm tired of going through it with him. It seems that I can't get rid of him. 3 months ago I told him that I'm done and that I wasn't in love with him. He was furious. Throughout our relationship I was never sure if I was or not, but when I finally said that I wasn't. He extremely made a big deal out of it. He begged and plead those 3 months and at the same time said things to me that was not good when he got angry. During those three months he goes on a dating site because he says he's lonely, this right here is confusing. But he says I'm confusing. Last night he has told me he's been flirting, but I thought he wants to work it out. He is really getting on my nerves. I don't know what to do with him. He says he's flirting because I told him I don't want to be with him, then why stay here? He says He shouldn't be the only one fighting for us to be together, why should I fight? Throughout this relationship he has always try to make me feel guilty and it has worked. We are suppose to go to counseling next Monday, but I really doubt if it works. We are not even married and we are going through too much. I also don't like the fact that he is into watching porn. That just make me more insecure and more of a problem of me trusting.
He says that after two years that I already should have forgiven him, but so much has happened in one year. How am I suppose to do that? I can write all day, but please any advice you have for me is much needed. I'm driving myself crazy over a relationship that I don't think I need to be in. Please help!!!
I have wrote on a website that helps women with self esteem issues, but didn't get much feedback yet. Hopefully you can help. Since I wrote this I have told him to leave and of course he has got angry and told me that I'm not a godly woman because I kicked him out in the streets. Am I'm wrong for doing this? I feel I'm not. I have to look out for my kids and sometimes I feel like he does things to try to make me feel guilty. I don't know your advice would be great.
-
Jonelle 
- Posts: 30
- Location: vineland
- Marital Status: Single
by foreverHis » Fri Sep 24, 2010 5:36 am
ohh this is not good, going back and forth like this, you need to make a clean break from this man, for both your sakes, you cannot carry on living like this my dear.
it is not a relationship,it's more like you are sparing partners, meaning, when you come together, all you do is fight.
My advice to you is to make a break from each other, seek the Lord and get a good relationship with the one who truly loves you, and let Him lead you into the life and person He wants you to be with.
forgive yes....but take a step back and get your life on track, you will then find joy and peace...
God BLess you my dear...He loves you..
it is not a relationship,it's more like you are sparing partners, meaning, when you come together, all you do is fight.
My advice to you is to make a break from each other, seek the Lord and get a good relationship with the one who truly loves you, and let Him lead you into the life and person He wants you to be with.
forgive yes....but take a step back and get your life on track, you will then find joy and peace...
God BLess you my dear...He loves you..
-
foreverHis
agree
by living4Him » Fri Sep 24, 2010 11:54 am
I have to agree with foreverhis. You should forgive but you definitely need to take a step back, make a clean break, and get your own life back on track. God is still in control and will help you do what needs to be done when you ask Him to. Ask Him for wisdom for the right words to use and the appropriate timing. I am and will be praying for you and him.......
God Bless You!
God Bless You!
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living4Him - Posts: 54
- Location: Mooresville, NC
- Marital Status: Single
by Jonelle » Fri Sep 24, 2010 5:48 pm
Thanks for your replies. I have told him that he has to go, but he still wants to hug me and kiss me on my cheek after I told him no. He is a very clingy person always have been. In his mind he thinks that I love him more than I say I do. He is refusing to let me go. I do love him and I want us to just be friends, but that's it. I told him I'm not in love with him, but he still want s to marry me. I'm not understanding that. At first he was trying to make me feel guilty for kicking him out, but now he's trying to suck up so he can come back. Now he's being nice! I'm praying for God to help him move on because I don't know what else to do.
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Jonelle - Posts: 30
- Location: vineland
- Marital Status: Single
by foreverHis » Sat Sep 25, 2010 1:06 am
without knowing him...I canot pass judgement
but..they do play the guilt thing...the I love u's...and the sweet talk, but you need to "see" fruit" not just words..but action..changes before you make a big commitment like marriage, I cannot tell you what to do, but only share what is on my heart for you, make it very clear what you want..and do not allow anyone to play on your feelings and emotions
take it to the Loed..and see what is answer is my dear
God Bless you
but..they do play the guilt thing...the I love u's...and the sweet talk, but you need to "see" fruit" not just words..but action..changes before you make a big commitment like marriage, I cannot tell you what to do, but only share what is on my heart for you, make it very clear what you want..and do not allow anyone to play on your feelings and emotions
take it to the Loed..and see what is answer is my dear
God Bless you
-
foreverHis
by lizzie » Mon Sep 27, 2010 8:10 pm
I'm driving myself crazy over a relationship that I don't think I need to be in.
Then why are you still in it Jonelle?
Thats not a question intended to make u feel bad sis, but a genuine plea for you to stop and ask yourself why you are still in something that you think and feel you shouldnt be in.
Is it out of fear? Out of love? Out of desperation? Out of guilt? Cuz you think you cant do any better? Cuz this has become so familiar that its better than stepping into the unknown? Hope that he will change or that you can change him?
What is it that is keeping you here in this place with this man?
I could give my opinion, but im not sure my opinion would resolve anything in your heart sister. Might just cause you further confusion. You need to look within and look to the Lord and find out what His will is in this relationship. And then line up your decisions with His will.
I am praying hard for you Jonelle. Jesus loves you
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lizzie
Hello Liz
by Jonelle » Tue Sep 28, 2010 5:10 pm
Thanks for your response. I know your opinion might not do anything because I had plenty of opinions , but I still will like to here it. For about two weeks now he's been gone. I still see him often because he does help out with the kids, but I told him no more of us. He still is having a hard time with me not wanting to be with him, but I'm sticking to my decision. If I made the wrong decision, I know God will let me know. Thanks again for your response and everyone else's response as well.
For about two weeks now he's been gone. I still see him often because he does help out with the kids, but I told him no more of us. He still is having a hard time with me not wanting to be with him, but I'm sticking to my decision. If I made the wrong decision, I know God will let me know. Thanks again for your response and everyone else's response as well. -
Jonelle - Posts: 30
- Location: vineland
- Marital Status: Single
by ciny » Wed Sep 29, 2010 4:02 pm
Hi Jonell
i was in relation ships that i needed to get out of i did it with Gods help and support of others i kept taking this guy back one day i said no and i stusk to those words with him i took a stand with Gods help and friends.
Its hard you can do this Jonell.
God bless Ciny
i was in relation ships that i needed to get out of i did it with Gods help and support of others i kept taking this guy back one day i said no and i stusk to those words with him i took a stand with Gods help and friends.
Its hard you can do this Jonell.
God bless Ciny
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ciny
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