Christianity Oasis Forum

[grace2010]

Thanks for thinking of me sister!

I am doing better than I deserve, praise and honor to God in all things. I've been continuing to pray and study the word of God. I am preparing for the discussion I will have and I must say that I am definitely engaged in a spiritual warfare as I become more obedient to the will of God in my life.

Two themes keep coming to me over and over.

Wait upon the Lord...worship and serve Him.

It is clear to me that whatever the outcome, whatever is in store, whatever will come of my life, I am to wait upon the Lord, trusting in Him, knowing that He has a perfect plan for my life and to worship and serve Him while He puts forth the plan He has intended for me. Time and circumstance are of no matter. Just pray, wait and worship and serve God. The spiritual warfare is constant though. Fear, doubts and subtle temptations. The devil wants me to believe that my life is ruined, beyond redemption. That I will loose everything, I will be scorned by others and therefore should feel constant shame. That I am not worthy to receive God's blessings and goodness. But I know that God is a sovereign God, that He does have a purpose for me. He loves me and wants the best for me. It may be very different than what I think best is, but it will be the best because it's according to His plan.

When I focus on the details of the future that is when those doubts creep in. It seems the harder I work at weeding them out, the more quickly they grow until it becomes overwhelming. I have no choice but to just call out the name of Jesus and ask that He give my mind and heart rest. I realize that I am trying to figure it all out when should be putting all of my trust in the Lord. He will and has taken care of it. Then I begin to question my faith. I think in those moments my faith is clearly weak, but I fight through it, I recall the Word of God, think about those times when He delivered me, like He has delivered me now, and I begin to feel the warming comfort of the Holy Spirit. I especially think about His sacrifice, His lying His life down for me, and I immediately think, if He (God) willingly died for me so I could live, why/how could He not have a great purpose for my life, and why wouldn't I put all my trust and faith and hope in Him? Clearly, He loves me, He will see me through this, He will use my life and experiences and talents for His glory.

I get angry with myself because the reason God is disciplining me now is because of my disobedience. What a fool I am to not have remained in God's presence. If I can share one thing with His people who choose to know God but play the fool, it is that the pain I am experiencing right now is beyond words. Stay in the Truth, don't believe the subtle lies that the devil throws at you, remove Pride, which is truly man's creates sin. Give thanks to the Lord, praise His name, be obedient to His word, love Him because He loves you!!!I won't presume too much, but I think I can totally dig what David said when her referred to the "Pit of Despair"....

This is my prayer:

My lord, I love you. Thank you for saving me, thank you for forgiving me. I give you all of me. You have blessed me with so much. I now put all of my cares, fears, doubts, desires and needs in Your hands. You are a sovereign God. I will wait upon you, I will trust you, I will worship and serve You. In Jesus name...Amen.

May God continue to bless you all...

[grace2010]

I told my wife all last evening. Her reaction was a little surprising. In some way, she was prepared to hear the news, clearly the Lord had been showing her things through my behavior. She is devastated and clearly feels hate for me. I didn't expect anything less.

As you know, I was planning on telling her later. Apparently, God had a different plan. His Spirit was moving all day yesterday, not only was my spirit reacting but my body was as well - it was a surreal experience. He just needed for this happen on His terms, and it did. God you are a wonderful God!!!!

So, I don't know what will happen next, it's all in His hands. I am just obeying, it seems the more I let go, the more things are happening. My wife is angry, depressed and broken. I am praying for her, I am praying that God give His peace and comfort. I so wish I could take her place, but I know I can't and I am so afraid that her heart turns hard toward God, that in her despair she loses faith. Please pray for her, she so needs it.

I've clearly expressed my sorrow and that I am willing to do whatever to build trust once again. Her desire at this point is that this woman and child disappear, that I have nothing to do with them. At this stage, it is clearly an ultimatum...but this is so fresh. I am asking God for his wisdom and that He touches her heart, and in time shows His desire for her life and our marriage.

Please continue to pray for us. I am praying and seeking God's will at every turn. I have no answers or solutions to this very complex problem. It's in God's hands.

[Guest]

Will be praying for you and your wife. That's about all I can think to say right now. You guys need lots of prayer.

[UpSide413]

Hi Grace,
My heart breaks for you. I've been through a similar situation. But God can perform miracles, He did in my marriage.
We separated for 13 months and got back together. Been together another 20 years now. Is it easy, no. Is is all going to be exactly like it was before, probably not. Is there going to be lingering pain, yes. Are you going to get your spanking, yes. But God and time can heal all of these. You may have scars, but do not keep rubbing them to make them open wounds again.
Sounds like you are doing exactly what God would want. Repentive, and seeking His face. He is a GREAT God and He loves you no matter what!

I will be praying for you and your family.
Love in Christ
UpSide413

[grace2010]

I know I shouldn't feel this way, but can't help feeling worthless and stupid. I know God can and is doing everything according to His will and that He will take care of it all. But, I feel like things are going to get so worse before they get better. Selfishly I am thinking about my job and career, my finances it's all at risk...it just doesn't seem to end, so many details so complex.

Lord, I am so tired. I need Your rest. I am in so much pain, I know You won't give me more than I can take, but I don't know if I can take anymore? I am Your child. I need You, please help me...In Jesus name...Amen

[Mackenaw]

Hello Grace2010,

God bless you this day.

Grace, give it to God. We cannot be trusted with our own punishment, that is why God did not entrust it to us. The enemy of our souls will torture us with the "what ifs" because that is what he does.

I'm sending up prayers for you, Grace2010 and for all involved. God's blessed will be done.

In Christ's love,
Sister Mack

[Dora]

The wondering what will be is just as much torment that what will be if not worse.

Know what I mean?


The TRUTH shall set you Free. You will be free from this torment of questioning what will happen.

Remember as a kid holding a deep dark secret from your parents. You know what I mean. Took something that wasn't yours. Got a bad grade and you know they are going to find out yet you just keep trying to hide it and get around it. Ever do that? Then when you finally came to them and told them in tears it didn't matter what the punishment was because the relief of getting it out was worth what ever punishment came. What will happen will happen. Time will only make it worse not better. Let it out. So you can be free from trying to hide what was.

Sending up prayers for you.

[grace2010]

Today I am fighting againts having to get into every detail of the affair with my wife. I guess I was expecting that just admitting to the worse would be enough, but having to go down every detail is twisting me inside out. She needs to know, especially if she is to begin healing, but I am resisting.

Questions of what I said, how I said it, what I meant, etc...All I keep thinking is that I was a different creature then, I manipulated, lied, deceived not only my wife, but myself and the other woman. None of it was based in truth, buy lies to get what I wanted. Having to admit all of that shows the monster I had become. God knows every aspect of that, He knew my heart and where I was. Asking for His forgiveness was easy, He knew it all already and all He wanted and needed was for me to be repentive in my heart. He could read that without me going into every explanation.

To make matters worse, the other woman is now reaching out to my wife to explain, justify and discuss it. My confession is necessary, I know I need to be stripped bare, but I feel as if the devil is now assaulting my wife with this woman's contact.

Please pray for us all, I am feeling so overwhelmed right now. I really don't know what to do and wading in this is weakening me. Please God, I need you, I just can't any more.

Now, that

[vahn]

Hello

Based on the bits and pieces I read so far , and in response to the last post specifically , I would strongly suggest to stop adding insult to injury . What you have done is what YOU have done . There is absolutely NO reason for you to cause more harm to others just save your own skin - on the expense of others - What I would do is , stick to cleaning up YOUR side of the street , on your own .

Justify ? the other woman ?

To make matters worse, the other woman is now reaching out to my wife to explain, justify and discuss it

I mean what is there to discuss ? All the other woman has are the lies that she fell for , and now , how is that of any help to the wife ? Lies from you , and lies from her .

Where ARE we brother !!


In Christ , our Lord

[mlg]

grace,

Naturally your wife will be curious...but here's the thing...sharing with her all the details won't be healthy for your wife...but you should not lie to your wife either, as it is lies that have got you where you are today. You need to be truthful with your wife and let her know that you don't want to hurt her with telling her details and such that will add insult to injury so to speak...Tell her that you want her to see the changes that God is making in you.

As for the wife and the other woman...I shared before about my friend calling up this man's wife at that time and telling her that they were having a baby together...the thing is you have to realize that a baby is coming...and that in order for you to be able to raise that baby properly as a dad should there will have to be some contact between the two mom's because that is what it is...two mothers are involved here...but I would say that you should ask the lady you had an affair with to please be respectful and not hurt your wife either, by feeling the need to share details and lies with her....

There is a lot of healing to be done here...but just remember God is bigger than all the problems.

My prayers continue my friend.

luv ya

[grace2010]

Vahn,

I am in agreement with you my brother. I wish that this woman wouldn't do what she is doing. I don't have any justification for my sins. I have confessed both to the Lord and to my wife. I know the Lord has seen my heart and he has forgiven me. My prayer is that the Lord works in my wife's life and she can also one day forgive me, if it is according to His will. I don't want to get into every detail of the affair with my wife because I feel that would do more harm than good, my wife wants more and like Mlg mentioned, I must be careful not to add insult to injury in the process. I of course don't want to lie to her, however, I will tell her that I feel uncomfortable about it. We are seeking professional counseling so that we may approach these subjects with some guidance, etc..

This woman's desire to reach out to my wife appears to be in order to give a reason, a justification for the pregnancy. It is not based in TRUTH but in lies because you are so right, the whole affair was based on a lie, and so any conversation would be in many ways disrespectful and therefore hurtful at this point. I am praying that God speaks to this woman's heart and gives her more understanding.

Thank you for your prayers and support.

In His service

[mlg]

The counseling is a huge step...I hope it is a Christian based counseling as well. Also are you and your wife attending church? If not I want to encourage you to invite your wife to church and take the children...you are the man of the house and in order to be the man God would have you to be...means you have to do the leading of the Spiritual needs of the family as well.

Prayers continue.

luv ya