Christianity Oasis Forum

[xxJILLxx]

Ok so now I am at some of the part of applying what He is teaching me.
Also been working on Letting known my feelings, sticking up for myself, not backing down in times of confrontation, getting rid of self pity. Spent alot of time in prayer.

You know its realy darn hard to find a CoDA meeting... guess they became dependant and didnt need the meetings anymore.

ANYWAYS...

still working the steps

still love an miss yall.

Guess thats it for now, im sleepy

God bless
♥Jill

[xxJILLxx]

Codependancy

Take one

Went to church today and was not prepared. Had a lil lesson printed out from the net. We get to church and unlock everything and start to set up. i bring my paperwork for sunday school class just in case even tho i was nt prepared.

So now i have a 6, 7 and 9 yr old in sunday school class, did i mention i wasnt prepared? Ok the lil girl says teacher.. can i teach? ummm sure! (Codependancy) She says "they are not listening to me" I said now u know how i feel LOL. So now pens flying across the room kids laying on the floor. im hot and frazzled and cant focus for anything. I see vahn ... a lil yelp.. help... He told me to just bring the kids to the big church. He seen i was frustrated. So now i get to the big church and cant even focus on the sermon, my mind is everywhere about how i failed and how i am not good enuff, this isnt for me, nthe whole 9 yards of codependancy right?

Ok so over lunch i then ask my NAthan what do i need to improve on.. He said getting control of the kids.... vahn smirks and said something about codependancy.... Now im letting a nine yr old tell me what i already knew, but dint want myself to say it because, my views dont matter.. not important...

So i pretty much had given up on sunday school by the time i got home.. dont think i have the patience for it... Vahn says you know you can walk on water? Nathan said ya in the winter i can... Lol

anyways just some of my struggles.

God bless
on my way to work

♥Jill

[mlg]

Awww Jill I can so relate to this...my first few times teaching children's Sunday school were very interesting to say the least. I've had children get up and leave class early then when you try to get them to be quiet and get back in the room they scream and yell that much louder and then the whole church comes running to see what all the commotion is...and when the mom's see their kids are the center of the noise...they haul their lil darlings out for a "come to Jesus meeting". I'm telling ya sis...it takes patience...and busy stuff...lots of things to keep them busy...find ya some coloring books with Bible pictures for them to work on while ya teach the lesson...it helps. Keep trying sis it will get easier...Holy Spirit has this...and if you want to be codependent...lean on Him...He loves for ya to be dependent on Him.

luv ya sis

[vahn]

You know its realy darn hard to find a CoDA meeting...

Reminded me of the time when a buddy asked if there were P.A. meetings (paranoids anonymous) , I said " Dunno , lemme check" . Well turned out to be that they did have them ... problem was , they wouldn't tell us where !!!



In Christ , our Lord

[xxJILLxx]

You know thank u for posting it made my whole day! i have been walking around with a smile ever since.

After reading what you wrote i had to go back and reread some of the things i wrote and reminise (sp?) on those days.

It seems like those were the lonliest days of my life, but it was a time when i was so close to Him as I knew Him then. I wouldnt take them back for anything, theya re precious memories indeed.

I can see alot of growth as well in me and alot of areas where i still need to grow ALOT!

God is sooooo Good to us!

A year ago i was lonely and already praying for my husband that He was going to send me, that God would protect him and guide and give him wisdom the whole nine yards.

Now look, engaged to a wonderful christian man who i simply adore. God is so gracious. I love Him so much and not because of the things He has done for me either, of course i love HIm for that but I love Him for loving me. He is a very caring God He is the best Father we could ever ask for.

The wind may blow but my feet are in firm soil! Planted in LOVE!

and I give eternal life to them, and they will never perish; and no one will snatch them out of My hand.
John 10:28

Love you!

Gb
♥Jill

[xxJILLxx]

A Bride for Isaac

1 Now Abraham was old, advanced in age; and the LORD had blessed Abraham in every way. 2 Abraham said to his servant, the oldest of his household, who had charge of all that he owned, Please place your hand under my thigh, 3 and I will make you swear by the LORD, the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you shall not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I live, 4 but you will go to my country and to my relatives, and take a wife for my son Isaac.

[xxJILLxx]

I am on step four taking inventory.

I tried to do it alone, HA! back to step one i go. Powerless Jill... powerless, remember..

I had found that i held alot of resentment from my former employer and from the dayturn girl. It was nasty. But all i cld do is clean my side of the street. All the anguish i went through, the worry i put myself in, the stomach churns, I got physically sick when all the memories resurfaced and i was full of anger, hatred and anxiety. It was a very lowpoint in my life, as much as i tried to cover it up, those resentments were still there.. towards my boss and towards my coworkers.

As i picked up my paycheck at my present employer i looked at the figure and smiled and said to vahn. "I should thank her (coworker) because if it werent for her i woud not have this kind of paycheck." Vahn said there it is! after he was ready to send me back to step one, he said thats it.. thats forgiveness, taking the thoughts i had before and changing them into what they should be......everything with thanksgiving.

Getting rid of my bruised ego, pride, selfishness...i wanted that job, but why? So i can come and go as i please and not work under someone, for selfish reasons, besides God didnt want me there, obviously He had to let those events happen for me to realise these things. Because Lord knows He kept telling me to move on but i was too stubborn to listen, i thought i could do it "my way" HA! Well i guess i see that no matter what He gets His way its a matter of me going along with it or me fighting it kicking and screaming.

This list stuff aint no joke! I dare not go in alone again.

Love u all

♥Jill

[xxJILLxx]

I have not finished step four.

I told the pastor wife i could no longer do the childrens sunday school. I dont find enjoyment in the things i used to. The things that used to excite me i dont find.





I love You Lord

♥Jill

[xxJILLxx]

Daddy,

I am depressed with my situation, You are bthe only one who can refresh my weary bones. Only You can satisfy me. My soul is thirsty for you, i am parched dry. Where are you? Why cant i feel You? Why have you removed the joy from me? i get glimpses of the joy but they dont last long. I want to be with You Lord in the temple. I dont want to be isolated from you. Did i move from you? What have i done? What HAVE i done? WHAT have i done? What have I done? What have i DONE? Was i too busy? Too busy trying to keep my family together? Too busy working, i thought it was yr will for me to be there? Too busy with myself? Too busy with trying to satisfy others? What is it? What am i doing?

Lord dont let people taunt me, dont let them laugh at me and speak harshly of me. My faith is in You Lord.

Lord You are so faithful to me. I am challenging my soul.... why are you cast down o my soul? Lord has been faithful to me, he brought me a husband to be, he brought me work, he took me out of my miserable situation i was in at my last job. He has given me stability.

I look back and see how far you have brought me o Lord and i want to take courage that you will do it again.

Deep calls to deep , one grief after another, i cant take another one of those. One wave after another.

I am longing for You O Lord! Thirsting for Your Touch. Seeking Your counsel.

Daddy give me a song in the middle of this, Let me restore my hope in You.

Job said God gives me a song in the night. God give me a song of Your grace and your favor, your unconditional love you have for all of your children.

I love You Lord.
I will trust You.

♥Jill

[mlg]

There's a song called Praise You in this Storm by Casting Crowns...find it and listen to it sis.

luv ya

[xxJILLxx]

Another year of this life has come and gone.

Have learned alot this past year, been through alot of fire. Sparks flying here and there some sparks of the fire have been put out while others are still burning brightly. These things the Lord is still trying to work out with me.

Fire is good! It gets sweaty and downright nasty at times, but the end results are beautiful and as i look back i can now get a small glimpse of WHY? And i rejoice in this! He truly is a good God and so patient with me and my family members.

Thinking of obsideon (sp?) Nathan is collecting these rocks. we went down to the park and found these rocks that are probably over 100 years old by an old blast furnace. Through the heat they formed into these beautiful rocks and each is different and cannot be duplicated. Anyways... just another reminder to myself i guess.

The family seems to be adjusting a bit better now. Work is good. There is a new resident she is in her beginnning stages of alzheimers... its saddening. There have been many employees let go this past month or so. Seems like God is doing a lot of weeding there. I pray He continues to do so.
Thats it for now
God bless
love and miss u all

♥Jill

[xxJILLxx]

well well well

We are trying to move but in the same town so that the kids dont have to switch schools.

we found something we like.. so hopefully soon we will hear something back on it.

I taught myself how to crochet! Im a knitter but i love this crochet stuff it is so much more easier and faster than knitting!

I also began to draw again something i could not find enjoyment in for a long time.

Ok heres something funny and cute!

Me and Vahn went down to the park where there is a trail to the waterfalls, well we both brought our sketch books and decided we would go there for inspiration. It was beautiful by the way .. listening to the water seeing the ducks, walking on the rocks.. anyways we find a dry rock and sit down and grab our sketch books. Well i was into it and got my pencil moving once i saw a log that was stuck at the top of the water fall. So i thought that would be interesting So im drawing and drawing not paying attention to what vahn is doing because im trying to get the shadows and lighting right and it had been a long time since i drew ... anyways.. So vahn looks at my drawing in progress and said i was doing a good job so i decide to look at what he was drawing.. thinking it was going to be something artistic and spectacular... i look down and i see a drawing of my foot in the water. ROFL!! I cracked up,, thats just like him LOL He is so cute, it was a rather good drawing of my foot And actually i felt a sense of awe because out of all the beautiful surroundings he decided to draw my foot. Says alot actually hu?

Well thats enuff for now, love u all very much!

God bless
♥Jill