Christianity Oasis Forum

[glassdigger]

My husband and I met two years ago after my son had set me up on a singles sight. I tried to delete the profile because it wasn't something I felt comfortable with but the emails kept coming in. Day after day I would delete them until one day by accident I hit the wrong button. Before me there was a email that said,"looking for a woman who puts God first in her life", so I checked out his profile and we began talking over the internet. At that time he lived in Boston and I was in Maine, I thought we would just be pen pals until one day he asked me to call him. I blocked my number being very careful and called him. He answered the phone with a very shocked tone in his voice as he informed me that his employer just notified him the entire branch of his company was being moved to Maine. From that day on he called me every night on the phone and we prayed together. I met him a few weeks later. It seemed that God had brought us together in such an impossible way that we were just meant for each other.Over the next year we prayed together,played together, went to church together. We put God first in our lives. We were so deeply bonded in love that getting married was a no brainer. With in a month of being married things went south. He began coming home from work and going strait to his computer, before long he was spending several hours a day talking to other women on line. He said they were his friends. After a few months he began going out with lady friends after work. I felt that I needed to set a limit and I spoke with him telling him this was unacceptable and that he needed to make some choices. I told him I felt that he was being emotionally unfaithful to me. We had talked about these things before we were married, we both agreed that these things were not ok. He told me that I was trying to control him and he left. Since I have seen his profile on facebook with pictures of him with lots of other women out partying. Hes filed divorce papers.
I guess I'm in shock. I do not know who this man is or what happened to my sweet God fearing God loving husband. I have been praying and praying. I tried to call him,email him. He doesn't answer. I tried to get him to go to counseling,all he says is that its over.
I don't believe that God makes mistakes. I cant stop my husband from divorcing me...

[mlg]

Hi glassdigger...welcome to the Oasis again and welcome to the counseling program. Glad to have you here.

I just want to you and tell you that God has a plan for you in all of this. He loves you glassdigger and He will see you through whatever happens next.

What I see sis...is a husband who is unhappy....I'm not sure why...but if he is out partying etc....it means he is trying to fill a void...one that he has not shared with you. I know that you felt that his talking to others on the computer etc. was unfaithful...but there's more to it than that...the question should have been why he was going to the computer to talk to these women...what was he missing in his own walk with God that had him doing this....or was it the enemy knowing that he had a weakness and tempting him into sinful behaviors...

Now...for you...you can't change what has happened between you and hubby in the past...but what you can do is change you now...work on using this time to grow closer to God...God is where you will find true happiness and joy...and then God can begin to work on where your marriage is going...whether he brings divorce or reconciliation...only He knows the plan...but you my sister have to focus only on God and making Him your strength and your hope.

Praying for you and your hubby sis.

luv ya

[Dora]

Hello glassdigger I am so sorry for the pain that's been inflicted on you.

You are right you can't stop him. He must choose. God gives us all choices to make. There are many single men that would love to find a woman who loves God and puts God first in her life that wouldn't treat you this way.

I will be praying for you as you seek God. May he comfort you during this time. Come chat with us in the chat room. We'd love to fellowship with you. It may help with the lonely hours as well.

It is possible God has used this to help you find friends who do care and won't hurt you like this man has.

[momof3]

Hi glassdigger..and welcome to Oasis! im so glad the Lord led you here.

He has led you here for a reason. My prayers are going up for you as you take these steps in the counceling. He has things He wants to show you and healing He wants to do as you seek His will in your life.

God bless you, sister and know that you arent alone in this.

in Jesus,
love momo

[glassdigger]

I have waged a battle against stinking thinking. During this time in my life I realize that even though my husband has fallen away from the Lord I still need to stay firm in my walk with him. I no longer look on my husbands facebook page and have filled my time, my heart and my mind with Gods music,bible,prayer and work. I have had to make a conscious decision to continue in this way hour after hour, minute after minute.
I volunteer at a homeless shelter for women and children on the weekends since my husband left. For the last few months I have really struggled with what help I could be to these precious ladys with my life in such shambles. This weekend at bible study at the shelter the theme was "how to work threw adversity as christians." One of the young ladys turned and looked at me and said" we are learning to do that by watching her". I feel so blessed that the lord is using my life as a testimony to these ladys. Its reminds me once again that God is indeed good all the time.

[mlg]

And I smile...I smile to know that you continue on for God...despite what is going on around you...volunteering to help these ladies...putting aside your own troubles for theirs...oh my sister you are a blessing to these souls...and God is so proud of you. He wants to continue to be your best friend...He wants to be so near you that others feel His presence when you are around...you just keep on keeping on sis. Grab hold of those thoughts sis...and pull the weeds.

luv ya

[glassdigger]

During step 4 I realized that I was one one those christians who forgive and maybe forget mostly. Mostly is the key word. I will usually remain at the very least semi cautious around people who have hurt me and sometimes stick my neck out just enough to test the waters to see if they will hurt me again. That is certainly not forgetting and that is what God calls us to do, that is what he does for us. I will be mindful to pull these weeds. No more putting on a good face. Its time to really forgive.

[momof3]

heya glassdigger. God bless you, sis

wanted to say that its one thing to ask the Lord for wisdom and guard your heart with it and another to not completely forgive. When someone has done something to hurt us..we arent to hold it against them anymore. That doesnt mean, though, that we will trust an abuser to not abuse again until there is healing from the Lord in the abuser, if that makes sense.

We pray for them who have hurt us. We bless them rather than curse them with our thoughts and our prayers and our actions..giving them and their actions to the Lord, trusting that His will will be done in their lives.

Keep focusing on Him, sis. You are doing an awesome job. He is showing you so many things...and using you in the midst of your pain and healing to reach others. That's how He works. He is sooo very awesome.

God bless you, sis

in Jesus,
love momo

[mlg]

Hey glass, I think forgiving others and ourselves is something we all struggle with at times. Especially when the hurt cuts to us deeply. But in order to be totally free from the hurt and pain...we must forgive. Forgiving others doesn't mean what they did was right or that it's ok for them to do it again...it releases us of the darkness that overshadows because of what they did...and sets us free.

Keep working on forgiving sis...you will feel so much better when you are able to let go and let God.

luv ya

[glassdigger]

Where is my responsibility in all this? Mistrust. I will again continue to be mindful that the Lord is quite able to protect me and deal with those who have hurt me .I know longer have to keep track of all the things that did,could or will go wrong. Also I will give this broken heart over to God, it is only he that can and will heal me.

[momof3]

amen, sis...that is your responsibility...to trust Him and His ways..and healing.

God bless you!

in Jesus,
love momo

[deetu]

Free will is always other's downfall... sigh
So glad you are here and look forward to hearing how you got your name