Christianity Oasis Forum

[SEMPERFIDELUS8403]

Aight my thoughts.............I hate life I wish it would end. I am sicka bein useless, i got nutnta look 4wardta. everyday is the same old borin thang. The thangs i love the most, i caint do. I have never done nethang that is remotely usefull for anything.... i wake up in the mornin go ta my borin job, work my 12 hours, go home n sit.........I am sicka bein alive....... i know my 'life' int as bad as othars, so i got no right ta feel nethang, but i do. Ive nevar really been alive........... i jus breath, ats it. my worthless 'heart' died when i was 5. I ont remember evarythang at happend........ but i do remember the school bringn in childs services........ but no1 evar dun nutn, cus i int worth it. i will nevar give myself ta no1. i trust no1. ill stickta bein alone fer the resta my miserable extistance. im sick n tireda 'life', but i int gonna end it myself. ive tried 3 times ta end it, i give up tryin. I hate evarythang about myself n wish i was nevar born. n ats all im sayin

[mlg]

semper welcome to the counseling program. I am so very glad you have chosen to begin the steps.

As I read your shared words, they made me want to just reach out and hug you. I feel the pain that you have closed off deep inside you. You shared your heart died when you were 5....but semper you deserve for your heart to live again. You probably don't feel that way...but I know someone who does...His name is Jesus. Jesus loves you and wants to help you heal. I know that's hard to believe right now as love is probably hard to imagine...but it is true.

I think that sometimes we begin to dislike ourself because of the hopelessness we feel in life. I went through a time where I was depressed and miserable. Life felt like it was dying right in my own backyard. I wandered through the darkest of days...but then I found something...and it brought joy back into my life..it brought healing...and it brought life...and the same is waiting for you...

Taking this first step on the healing path....means you are now on your way.

Praying for you...and I'm always here if you want to chat.

luv ya

[lizzie]

my brother fidel

Thank you for sharing brother, u are safe here and among friends.

The enemy of our soul can convince of many things, even use people and situations to scare and manipulate us into believing lies, and blinding us from seeing who we are and who we can become, in Christ.

And tho you may not be able to fathom how or what or when or why... I promise you God has already planned a path for you, and you my friend are on the first few steps of it.

And I am so proud of you for taking action and say No More to this way, and giving God a real chance in your life.

Commit yourself to this, and see it thru. And Know that God is faithful to do His part brother.

[SEMPERFIDELUS8403]

i ont blieve in 'love' not on is planet. thar may b sum in heaven, but atsa place ill nevar c. only way i cin culd b happy ista start doin sumtn usefull, but i int capablea at. If HE cared HE wuntnta forced me inta is wolrd

[mlg]

semper, God does care...and when we go through such horrible things we often ask where He is, why He doesn't care, why He didn't do something...but the answer is He was right there...He did care...and He never wanted those things to happen to you...but there is an enemy we face day in and day out who hurts God's children because He wants to hurt God. That enemy wants your soul. God cries with you...He hurts with you...and He does love you...and God forgives all things.

I know you don't believe in love right now. It's hard to do so when life has hurt us time and time again...so we stop loving in order to protect ourselves from hurting more.

Semper you don't have to loose the battle.....won't you give Jesus a chance to at least show you how much He can do for you?

luv ya

[lizzie]

only way i cin culd b happy ista start doin sumtn usefull, but i int capablea at

u know I believe all of us come to a point where we question how 'useful' we are or what the whole point of life is.

I know I did.

See I spent a lot of time, well, my entire life really up till that point, seeking after the things that I thought were gonna make me happy, that i believed was my real purpose.

But it took me 27 yrs to realize that God had put me here for something greater than what I was seeking, and it was only till I allowed Him to put me on that path where I could do what He had created me with a desire to do, that I began to feel 'useful'

None of us are capable of anything good on our own brother. As much as people might wanna take credit for their accomplishments, it is only thru the Grace of God that we find the strength and ability to get this done.

You hold on ur about to experience this first hand.

[SEMPERFIDELUS8403]

ive tried doin what i know im sposta do.i ont trust enuf nemore. ive tried evarythang i cin thanka, n evarthang ive read in HIS word......... nutn makes a differance. if i even git closeta bein 'happy' or even content, im remindeda what i am.......... jus nuthar '--- baby' born cus at thang had no honor

[mlg]

Awww semper you are so much more than you realize. Semper...God's grace is not about trying to do what we are suppose to do...but about accepting what He freely offers. We can read the Bible through and every word in it...but it's not about what you do in the Bible or trying everything you can...God's forgiveness and love is not conditioned upon what we think...it is given because He loves us and nothing more. He just wants us to accept that Love and Believe in Him.

As for that baby that was born...you were not a mistake...you were created by God because He knows what you can be...and He wants to show you. Won't you let Him?

luv ya

[SEMPERFIDELUS8403]

i know............. now i jus want out.......... the only thangs at make me feel even closta good er outa my reach.......... ive triedta let HIM, but...... i jus caint

[SEMPERFIDELUS8403]

i ont accept it if i caint earn it. i gotta earn evarythang, no freebies. [He just wants us to accept that Love and Believe in Him.] ats the prob. i caint do at, i ont know how. i have no clue asta how. i ont know howta even bgin. when i started rememberin what happend when i wasa 'child', when iwas 16 my mothar lookd at me n said 'liar'. ats how 'love' works fars i know. HE knows but HE dunt care[/quote]

[mlg]

You know semper...God's love is not like man or woman's love...it's so different...it's a love that loves when we don't deserve to be loved...hard to imagine...but it's REAL.

I think we want to earn for ourself because we feel that way we deserve what we receive...and to just accept something...makes us feel like we are receiving a handout...but in reality...that's not the case...see when God created you...He looked at you and said uh huh...your just as I made you...and to me you deserve to have all that I can give you...you are special and you are my child...

What happened as a child to you between you and your mother...doesn't have to hold you captive for your entire life. There is a way out of the chains that are holding you down..Jesus has the key...and to find Him is to seek Him...call out to Him and ask Him to come near. Then be still and watch Him move...you will see Him.

luv ya

[lizzie]

i know............. now i jus want out.......... the only thangs at make me feel even closta good er outa my reach.......... ive triedta let HIM, but...... i jus caint

Gonna be very honest with ya brother, cuz I know you wouldnt want me to tip toe around ya.

There is a saying that goes:

Change your mind, change your life

Ever heard of it? I remember thinking, it cant possibly be that simple! And it isnt... but its true.

Imagine being in a relationship where you love the other person so much, and they just flat out refused to believe it. No matter how many times you told em, or what you did, they just refused to accept that you love them. Does it mean that your love isnt real? No. Just that that is what this person believes, for whatever reason that may have nothing to do with what is the truth. That person's beliefs may be influenced by what they experienced in a past relationship and in their fears, things that have nothing to do with you. And unless that person is willing to acknowledge that what they FEEL and THINK isnt necessarily what is TRUE, then that relationship is more than likely gonna fall apart cuz they will never be able to accept that you love them.

So it goes with each of us. Unless we are willing to say 'hey maybe, just maybe, what ive been believing all these years, what I grew up accepting as the truth, may not be that way'

So what is the truth then?

Deuteronomy 32:4 He is the Rock, his work is perfect: for all his ways are judgment: a God of truth and without iniquity, just and right is he.

John 14:6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

God, God's Word, is the ABSOLUTE Truth.

And it is only when we begin to turn our thoughts and beliefs over to Him, and truly examine whether they are lining up with what His Word, do we discover whether what we have believed all this time is the truth or not.

ANYTHING that does not line up with the Word of God, is a LIE. You owe it to yourself to find that out.