Christianity Oasis Forum

[Wonderfilled One]

Hey Skrubby n Jill..I've been wanting to attend the chat, but I have had recovery group from 7:30-9:00 in the 'burgh every Mon. night, and it's an hour drive one way. Been with this group bout 2 yrs., and my physcologist has asked me to leave the group. Seems I've reached a level plateau, am stable, but haven't reached out for a post support group support system. I have been in recovery now for 4 yrs., as of this coming Feb.2. I was caught in the act of voyeurism in our house, by my wife. I felt as if my whole world was crumbling. I started counseling within days, and have been in it , and support groups, ever since. My wife and I separated last July and she filed for diverse, although we haven't moved past that point. We were married 11yrs. ago this Christmas Eve. Christmas was my wifes most treasured holiday. Now, it is her worst day. She struggles with living in the house where I did all my acting out, but especially from right before Thanksgiving thru Feb. 2nd. I sent her a text tonight that if she wanted me to bring the tree downstairs or put the wreaths on the outside, to let me know. She replied that she isn't putting anything up! She used to love decorating the tree....and it always looked beautiful. I got the text on the way back to my parents(only Mother is still alive) house, after stoping home to get some things, and before she got home from work. After I got the text, I broke down and cried harder than I have since this all happened...to have destroyed someones favorite time of the year...I just begged God to help her...why does she have to pay this price??? It should be all on me.
This was the first holiday season since our world fell apart that I haven't been on anti-depressant meds., and so it's been a little harder. She's been in counselling for maybe 2 yrs. now, but this year seems to be worse than last for her. If only I could.....
Well anyway, I have one more Mon. night group, then I hope I can join in also.
Thanks for the time and place to open up a little, GBUall...
Wonderfilled

[xxJILLxx]

awesome cant wait to see u there!


Gb
♥Jill

[Lani]

Hey Wonder,
I pray you are finding peace in His grace today.

There are several things I'd like to respond to here.... want to grab some water or a snack?

OK... You First
Bro... You have taken the beginning steps toward finding healing... you've faced your past, expressed your emotions, sought forgiveness, and begun to find your purpose in Him. You cannot undo it, please save your energy for putting this pain into a project that will honor Him. Even if you could go back.... you couldn't undo the choices you made then, as you were doing what you knew at the time. Until you find true healing from the pain that was in your life prior to the choices you made, you will continue to carry this shame. I know you are well on your way and that He has you.... one step at a time bro. No Worries.

Now.... on to your wife...
First of all, STOP(!!!!!!) picking up this blame over and over... You cannot fix her, you can only work on you. Papa is present in her life also and when she decides He will carry her as He carries you. Hear me, please.... You CanNOT Fix her... she MUST choose to begin that healing path herself... that doesn't mean you can't support her in the process... but you can't do it for her.

Back to You
There comes a time when we must choose to remove the negative influences in our life, as they can be the very thing that causes us to loose focus on His will. You've apologized, you've asked her to forgive you.... now you must wait. In the mean time, work on forgiving you and accepting God's forgiveness. Stop trying to "earn" His love.... ya can't. He gives it freely cause He keeps no record... unconditional, pure.... agape. Just continue to give thanks for His presence and know you are doing what you can to find wholeness once more. Work on the things you are able to control and just keep praying for her.

If you cannot distance yourself from her, I'd recommend counseling.... together. But that choice is yours.... and hers. By continually taking that blame upon yourself, you are laying ground work for her to continue to blame you as well.... thus enabling her ability to cause you pain. Give her to Papa and leave her there, work on you.... He has y'all!

I pray you find continues support through this site, this forum, and the chat program.

You remain in my prayers... as does your wife.

Peace and Luv in Christ,
Lani

[Wonderfilled One]

I just want to Thank You for Your encouragement, insight, and support. You are right! I am finding myself turning to the fact I have a Father, a Savior, and a Holy Spirit who walks with and cares about me. And the Grace...what a precious thing indeed!!!
I am trying to add a little at a time, so I don't become discouraged, and always look forward to time here at Oasis.
Thanks to all who are there to support, and GBUall...
Wonder

[mlg]

Hey wonderfilled...little by little helps you absorb more. It's great to see you leaning on God and you have come a long way....I know your still working on your healing process and your also working on your relationship with the Lord...but I see progress and that's what it's all about.

luv ya wonderfilled