Christianity Oasis Forum

[Cali]

Allow me to first apologize to you, personally, for what I'm about to say. I'll probably regret what I'm about to say later, but I've been thinking it for almost a day now, and I just have to say it or else I won't be able to concentrate on anything else. Please know that this is not directed toward any one specific person, or comment. It has just been bugging me and I need to spill now. Again, I'm sorry.

I recognize that this is a great program and that it has helped arguably thousands of people, myself almost included. And I realize that everyone has nothing but good intentions, and you only want to see me succeed and improve and all that good stuff. And I realize that this is a journey or a process and it takes a long time. I even realize that if you do what you've always done you'll get what you've always gotten, so if you want change you have to be the one to implement that change.

That being said, here's my contention: You know how some people are just gifted in the ability to make an insult sound like a compliment? That's kind of the vibe I get here sometimes. You speak these really encouraging words and you say all the right things, which is awesome for some people, but I already know all the right things. I'm well-versed in all the right things. If I wanted to hear the right things I would say them myself and spare everyone the trouble. The comments that I really, really like to read are from the people who know, who've been there. They aren't condemning and they aren't preaching anything at all. Those people have no agenda. All they want is to come alongside you and walk (or roll, in my case) with you for a little while.

Did you know that's what counseling means in the Bible? The word that is usually associated with counseling in the Bible is [i]parakaleo[/i], which means "to come alongside." We see this expressed in the relationship between Paul and Timothy, Naomi and Ruth, Jesus and His disciples. That's the kind of relationship I want. I don't expect to find it here. But I see shadows of it in some of your comments to my posts. I greatly, greatly appreciate that.

[Dora]

I appreciate your honesty Rev.
I always would rather hear the truth even if it hurts than to be lied to.

I can honestly tell you, my words are sinsere.

Even when I say I love ya.

Because I do. I don't get paid for this. I'm certain there's something on tv I could be watching instead of reading posts and responding. What draws me here, is you are Gods child and he loves you and I love him, in return I love you.

Maybe what's bothering you is not so much who has said what in the forums but that it hurts to begin to try to believe you are worth more than you've been telling yourself all these years.

I do agree our spirits can sense when someone is being just a carbon copy. You are very clever in this. And honest. I appreciate that about you.

If you can get one step closer to the Lord through this..then it is a success. I do believe if you allow it, and I think you have, you will get even closer than one step.

It's not about who responds, as we are just cheer leaders. It's all about You and the Holy Spirit spending quality time together each day.

God loves ya Rev and so do I!
Sending up some prayers for ya.
God bless and keep you.

[realtmg]

Nice post!, Rev.
I know exactly where you are coming from. I do not express myself alot because I am so slow at typing, many mistakes and have to back up, and it seems, I never have had the gift of saying what I want to most were self inflicted but some that were not.
You can get a little more of a glimpse of where I have been by reading my testimony at the bottom of this post by clicking on my signature.
In short, I'm saying I still have to overcome how I think people look at me.
I deal with it daily and I have come a long way since coming here.
After about 10 years of off and on of being in prisons, mental institutions, and rehabs; I "felt" that every time I went somewhere and even at home; people were placing a big sign (label) on my forehead.
Ex-con, mental patient, and loser.
Like you, I can quote and tell you were to find the answer in the Bible. But, an acquaintance who I knew; that was a professional basketball player at the time; attended his basketball camps early on in childhood and later, began to going to some of his christian retreats and he said.......... "Tim, I know how well you can quote scripture; can tell where to find scripture; but, just how well do you know HIM?"
That made me think.
I have suffered and cried so much of my life and I have tried to get better, thus; looking back; have come a long way,yet, concluding that I will not "arrive" until HE calls me to Glory.
Yes, it is a process, but, when I find people like you who I can focus on and try to help as God sees fit, it takes my mind off of poor "me".
I have hurt so much I've attempted suicide twice; once with a gun and the other with an overdose.
God did not want me home just yet. He had a plan. His will and not mine.
I had to quit over analyzing things places, and people. I had to keep it simple and get out of being selfish and live in self-pity.
I had to quit acting on my feelings and thoughts because they were not "Real".
Today, I am not perfect. I have fell many times but by God's Grace, have gotten up and tried again. I try to fight the faith and I fall short, but, I know He knows my heart. I am a better person today. Today is what matters. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow hasn't arrived yet.
There is much more I could say and it seems we want the same thing.
I hope this helps a little from someone who has hurt most all of their life.

My heart and prayers are with you in the love of our Christ Jesus who suffered wrongfully as a sinless Person.

GBU

Real

[Cali]

I love you too, Pine. I know you're sincere. I've always known that about you. I've never doubted that. I know we're all sincere. It's just that sometimes good advice comes off in a preachy manner, which is great for some. But I'm not really there right now. I think what I need is people love me. No matter what I say or how I offend (which is never my intention, for the record).

You're right, by the way. The hard thing about this is not being preached at, I can handle being preached at. The tough part is accepting the love that I ask for, the love that I need. I'm still arguing with myself about whether or not I can claim this love as my own. We'll see what happens I guess. Thank you for not being upset with me.

[Dora]

It's like trying to reach for love with one hand and holding it away with the other???

That's so me!

[deetu]

Hi rev
There was a time when I questioned that my answers to the posts where sometimes not anything like other people's and I wondered if I would offend someone, even though I ask the Holy Spirit's guidance with my answers.
A really smart person on this site gave me great advice. She said "Don't read the other people's posts"
That memory actually came to me today before I read your post

I also am one of those people who loves to hug people in real life so it just carries on here.
(I even got vahn to hug me now... sometimes even before I hug him )

Love you sweetie, without requiring love in return.

[vahn]

And I smile

Thank you Rev for posting my answer for me .

Here's my deal , (thanx for letting me "borrow" your post) .
The only thing I , or anyone else for that matter , including you , can only offer what we ourselves had experienced in order to make it affective , (something like , "this is what I did , this is what happened , and this is the result" ) . We can read , learn , and even hear about what happened to other people , and at times we do learn a thing or two by watching others' actions , but nothing compares to a hands on experience .
And here's the thing , we all learn the same lesson(s) according to , and through , our own individual experiences , but the lesson itself never changes , because God never changes and He is the one Providing the Lesson(s) , He doesn't care of the manner or circumstances we learn them from , as long as it is received .

Some say , God moves in mysterious ways , I tend to differ on that statement , with that , God always moves in a very definite way .

Yesterday , Saturday , out of habit , I went to my mail box kind of knowing there would be nothing in it , then I started laughing , thinking I just moved here and no one knows my new address yet , duh .
Well , today , Sunday , after coming back from church services , I pass by my mail box , I automatically reach for the key right ? I smile and walk away , but my eye caught something . Opening the box , I see a well worn pocket-sized note book , the same kind I keep in my back pocket (empty) , of course my first thought was maybe I dropped it .... la di da right ? Wrong ! , this one was too familiar , It was my late sponsor's , that he kept in his back pocket ! (empty) yeh yeh , and my knees get week ... yada yada ... up the elevator I'm wiping the tears off my face , with my head going how ! when ! what ! why and who . I didn't dare open it .

Back in my apt. , crank up the puter , I come to your post !!
I have heard , watched in movies people laugh and cry at the same time and I always thought how fake both the crying and the laughing were , for I never knew you could do both at the same time ! Well , I did it !

New in my sobriety some hundred years ago , everytime I'd get in a dispute with Gary about a subject , my final defensive words would always end up with the same words you just wrote , things like " I know all that , I've heard this and that , I've read the book , and this is what I need !" , He would just calmly reach for his back pocket and pull out the note-book and say " Here, write down your own unique program that you think it would work for you the way you would like it to be written , and I'll be more than glad to have a book printed out of it and see how many people would buy it , who knows it might even make the New York Times best-seller list , ... and oh , what did you say you came here for ? "

When I finally got the courage enough to open his note book , he had written , at the end of it , "Congratulations on your 10 years , am I glad you never took this book from me , Love you . Gary"

Rev , would you like me to send you a copy of my note-book ?

Luv ya

[mlg]

Oh rev do I ever know that feeling sis...to accept the love that others give you...I've rode that camel a dozen times. It's like we're almost afraid to accept that love...like once we do it will disappear and we will be hurt again...I guess that comes from having an exhusband...but since I've started walking closer to Jesus, I've become to see that even if I accept love and I get hurt, Jesus won't hurt me and His love won't change. Man seems to often put conditions on love but God doesn't. So...I've started taking more chances on accepting love and not being so afraid...yes there is an occassion that I do become hesitant every now and again...especially if I accept love and later become hurt by that love...but for the most part accepting love has allowed me to share love. Oh I so pray you will be able to reach this in your walk as well...in the meantime...Pssttt...I'm cheering for ya.

luv ya