Christianity Oasis Forum

[Tracy L]

Hi All. I've not been on in a long time cuz my life has just been getting messier and messier.
I have screwed up so badly in my life. Yes, I gave my heart and life to Christ when I was 20 and then it"s like I woke up one day after sinning and legalizing my life to discover that I had let bitterness and anger from 25 yrs ago get to me and I had stopped listening to the Holy Spirit early on and didn't even realize it cuz I had been deceived that God was just hurting me and didn't care about my life. The stupid enemy had me believing soooo many lies and I didn't ask any one for help. I tried to fix my life on my own and therefore went back to my own ways and what a mess I have created. I am therefore "reaping what I sowed" , the whirlwind. And every thing I try to do to fix the mess of my life never works. I realize it is MY fault for "giving up" on God early on. Now, not only do I live with guilt over all my sins (which are so many and some really embarrissing) but I am soooo filled with GUILT that I have actually thought of death. I have nightmares everynite over what I"ve done. I have tried the counsiling and regular counsiling. I"ve talked to pastors, done the forgiveness thing, you name it, I've tried it!
I am to the point that I've gotten myself into soooo much bondage and I can't get free. I am trapped by the cords of my sin.
I just don't see any hope of going on cuz everything I do it turns back on me.
Today I was actually thinking I am a type of Judas and a reprobate. I didn't move forward in my faith and I didn't fight the good fight. I want to die to stop my sinning and hurting ppl. I mean I really do deserve death and hell buttttttt I am tormented into thinking about going to hell so in a way I just muddle through each horrible day. My life is getting worse by the day cuz of the consequences. I am really terrified.
Anyways, I just wanted to share my thoughts.

Fallen Saint,
Tracy

[Dora]

Tracy
I'm glad you came here to post.
You said you did the forgiveness thing but sis if you are carrying the guilt you really haven't forgiven yourself.
It takes time to get out of what we've put ourselves into.
Patience dear.
I've done the counseling 3 times now.
Think I'm done? Probably not.
Maybe it's time you give them another try.
love ya
Jesus loves you too.

Sending up prayers for ya.

[morningrain]

Pour your heart out to God, just as you're doing here and just ask Jesus to help you. Keep on doing this and don't give up. Rely soley on the Lord. Take the counseling steps here and let ones here help you. Truely sit and ponder what Christ did for you on the Cross. Set your mind on the whole person of Christ, His love, His righteousness, His atonement.... and remember.... Christ is our Salvation, He is the Truth and our Righteousness Christ is the Author of our faith and is the Word of God, and Christ is our PEACE He is our covering. I agree with Pine forgive yourself. Don't give up

God Bless!
angel

[mlg]

Tracy my sister, I know right now you feel like your just going through the motions of life....wondering is there a way out of this? The answer is yes....there is....Jesus. Sis, first you say you've made a mess of your life...so it's time for you to stop trying to do everything yourself and start turning some of your life over to Jesus. Time to start pulling some weeds....but...you need to hold yourself accountable. See sometimes we begin healing, but then after just a bit, we get comfortable thinking we've healed enough...and not allowing ourselves to heal completely...and the next thing you know we are back where we came from or worse. So Tracy my sister, time to begin again. Back to step 1...back to getting up and starting over....and this time, be REAL with yourself, be open and face what you have to do to get yourself closer to God...who is where your help comes from. He's got all of this sis, and He can help you...but you gotta be willing to take the steps that you need to....counseling step 1 again would be a great start. But your choice.

Here for you sis...praying for you.

luv ya

[sweetlittleangel]

dear Tracy L

no matter how much u think u ve messed..i still love ya!

think..how much more God loves u..

Never HE LEAVES U..

Hold onto the piece of hope that in ur heart..

I know its there..please dun let it go..

Let Jesus fill u with His love..then watch where it will take u..

Love ya!

[deetu]

hi Tracy

You know guilt isn't from God.
The enemy will keep whispering those lies to you as long as you let him. It really is like those old cartoons where the devil is sitting on one shoulder and the angel on the other. Don't listen to those lies, especially the ones that say that God couldn't love or forgive you.

Remember the greatest Apostle? As Saul, he did such horrible things to Christians but once he changed, as Paul, he was able to give such great messages. He wrote most of the New Testament.
So if God can do that with him, think what He will do with you.

Remember, where there is life, there is hope. Don't let the fear, doubts and lies keep you from stepping out of the boat... what do you have to lose? The study will be good. We'll be with you if you need us.
Thank you Jesus

[momof3]

Tracy, im so glad to see you! its been a long time, sis. welcome back. Sis, i wanna tell you that if your mind had been turned reprobate, you wouldnt be here. You are here at the calling of the Lord, no different from anyone here. We all fall, we all try to do things on our own, not wanting to surrender our lives, believing we are so lost the Lord could never forgive us. Sis, His love and mercy isnt like what we know in our lives. His love is unconditional. He calls and waits. You have heard and obeyed. Welcome back. There is nothing you could do to change His love for you, as that is Who He is. This is what His mercy is all about. Unconditional. Agape. Your heart is so heavy and He is waiting for you to spill it to Him. He knows where you have been and whispers life into your soul and spirit. Listen to the voice of truth...the One who led you back here. You have done nothing that is too much for Him to forgive. You are never too far from His reach. You are His. You have always been His. The choices you have made, He knew you were going to make them. Call out to Him. Seek Him in this. Seek Who He really is, and you will find total peace and forgiveness and Grace. Grace isnt earned. It is a gift. It is the reason for Christ's sacrifice, because of who He is...no matter what you do, He loves you. You are still His child. He is still calling you out of the darkness. Hear what He would say to you. You are sanctified only through His blood, as we all are. Only by His grace. You are so not alone in your struggle. Is this not the reason He died for us? To pay the price and redeem our souls?

Its time...sis...its time to let go and let God show you who He is. Not by works or deeds are you saved, but by His mercy.....as we all are.

God bless you, sis..and im so glad you are back. Dont quit the fight. Victory is yours through Jesus. He has already paid the price. Let His love and truth show you who you are in Him. You will find peace in His truth.

standing with you in prayer that the Lord Jesus will show you how very much He loves you and just wants you to know that He wants only for you to be free from these bondages.

in Jesus,
love momo

[vahn]

Hello Tracy

Let us just suppose it was me who wrote your post , how would you respond or what would your reply sound like ?
Would you call me stupid ? Or , would you say things like , "yeh , you oughta spend the the rest of your life wallowing in your misarable guilt ridden hell that you created for yourself " , would you ?

May I ask you for a little favor ?
Could you please reply to me ?

Here this is what I wrote

The stupid enemy had me believing soooo many lies and I didn't ask any one for help. I tried to fix my life on my own and therefore went back to my own ways and what a mess I have created. ... Now, not only do I live with guilt over all my sins (which are so many and some really embarrissing) but I am soooo filled with GUILT that I have actually thought of death. I have nightmares everynite over what I"ve done. I have tried the counsiling and regular counsiling. I"ve talked to pastors, done the forgiveness thing, you name it, I've tried it!
I am to the point that I've gotten myself into soooo much bondage and I can't get free. I am trapped by the cords of my sin.
I just don't see any hope of going on cuz everything I do it turns back on me.
Today I was actually thinking I am a type of Judas and a reprobate. I didn't move forward in my faith and I didn't fight the good fight. I want to die to stop my sinning and hurting ppl. I mean I really do deserve death and hell buttttttt I am tormented into thinking about going to hell so in a way I just muddle through each horrible day. My life is getting worse by the day cuz of the consequences. I am really terrified.


Fallen Saint,
vahn

[Tracy L]

To everyone....thank you for all your replies and input!

It is hard for me to keep up on here cuz I don't have computer access buttttt nothing is impossible for God!

One way or other He can make a way......I must keep my faith up and not let the guilt consume me.

[mlg]

You said it sis...guilt is a weapon of the enemy...so when guilt heads your direction...pull the weeds and replace them with Truth....You are loved, You are forgiven, You have a Friend named Jesus, and you have hope and possibility always.

You might check at the library for internet access if you want to get here more often.

Always here for you sis. Prayers continuing.

luv ya

[deetu]

I just wanted to give you a BIG HUG
You look like you need it.

[Mackenaw]

Hello Tracy

God bless you this day.

Tracy, I think of you often and wonder how you are doing. I do so because The Holy Spirit reminds -- He brings you to my mind, and has me pray for you. Is it any wonder why you find yourself back here -- He has a beautiful drawing way about Him.

The Holy Spirit will convict you of sin and when you wander for too long, He is faithful to draw you back. It is good to respond to His call. It is good to confess your sins to The Lord and ask Him for forgiveness. If you have asked Him for forgiveness, then by faith believe that He has forgiven you.

Tracy, The Word of God warns us about wandering too far for too long. Right now you feel regret -- that's a blessing, my friend. Praise God!!! Pray and ask Him to lead you, to restore and renew you, -- then receive and continue seeking Him each and every day.

If you find yourself challenged because of lack of internet, then it would benefit you to print off some of the blessed studies here and read them -- they'll assist you, and don't forget to read The Bible/The Word -- Jesus is The Word. Pray without ceasing. Re-connect daily with The Lord -- no internet needed for that, and then re-connect with us whenever internet is available.

You are in my prayers. Fight the good fight, Tracy.

May God bless you and keep you.
Love,
Mack