Christianity Oasis Forum

[sweetlittleangel]

hey there Holy Spirit.. i know u smiling

day 1

i have this tugging since few days ago..it keep stronger and stronger..and

thru the fellowsheeping last nite and just now in the life beyond walls room..its clear ting! He certainly wants me to address these matters and to get heal..in my heart..i can feel..sweetlittleangel..what are u waiting..today is the day O.O kk God.. i know i should have start few weeks ago..then i thought dun want to bother anyone else bot it..

wooo im so excited of getting heal..it already been started anyway

fear..He wants me to adress this..when i was baby..my dad told me..something is wrong with me..i dun like ppl looking at me..i wud cry or get angry..they have no clue at all why i was behaving or acting that way..from age 6 to 12..mum, my siblings being mistreated by aunts and grandma..it was something was really hard to let go..angered me for long time..hurt..to forgive them was easier for me..to forget about it?..another thing..i learned from it..to trust again? im being cautious after that..
oh yeah, the fear..of course..its been crippling me..at times i can be bold..
when i was in primary school..i love to speak up in class..was a top student..which made my classmates isolating me..another mistreated thingy..but that didnt keep me from being selected for student excahnged program...then secondary school..there when it started..insecurities...again fear..i dun like to speak up then..dun like to be around with ppl..it prevented me from being who i was meant to be..coz..i listened to the enemy..not a gud place to be..feeling foolished..i thought i have deal with it..noo not all...there were some fragments left..it just i chose not to think about it..keep burying it when it tried to arise and hurt me again..woah, that is building a wall around me right..that fear..messed up with my dreams, hope, and the person i was supposed to be..i even always scared to meet my lecturer for no reason..where was it come from?..the enemy..yes..to keep me from succeeded?..thats what he wants huh..easy target for him?..coz i keep taking it when he offer it..and then i found myself in trouble over and over again..fail again..oh God..i really need Your help..no doubt about that.

second thing He wants me to adress was..the things that happend between my aunt and me in these whole 3 years..i thought what was i thinking when i accepted the offer to stay together with her the other day..coz she promised to take care of me?..so i stayed with her..ok..silent treatment..that scared me..i dunno whether that means she upset or else..been very submissive to her anyway..eventho some day..i ate only crackers and milk..thats ok..well, most day without proper meal..i dun even told my parents bot it..when my brother come..he knew something was wrong in the house..but he told my mum instead..that i very rare eating..they was curious why suddenly developed stomach upset since living with her...another thing i didnt tell them..that when she asked me to lift the 16.5 kg gas tank with her..few times aredy..i knew tat wud kill myy back..but i do it anwyway..pay later..like i can. i didnt realize it at first..coz i take that as normal. Noo..when i shared it one of a sister here..then she asked me..why did u take the abuse?..ohhh wow..i dun even know i was..maybe i kept burying it..or denying it..
nowdays..when she got back from office..i wud go into my room..close the door...thought it was the best way from being to be hurt again..uh uh not good..my heart wud beat faster..like i seen a ghost..even when she passed thru my door..i wud really triggered..like an electric shock.
the other day i remember her told me..if anything u have in mind..dun tell yer mama..there s one day..i feel God hurt too..i knew it..i can feel He is..

sometimes im afraid of what i might not say..im just too scared to try..when i feel i have nothing left..i get good as it take

what i did was..i channel my focus on Him..He fed me lots of love..until i get so full..He Himself teached me with few things..to simply trust Him to work it out..woo that was an awesome experience..when i flipped on the bible yesterday..it brought me to Acts 26:16-18..quite surprised. as He said there.rise and stand on ur feet; for I has purpose, to make u minister and a witness both of things which you have seen and of things which I will yet to reveal. wow..i understand now..in order for me to accomplish that..i need to get heal first..

here i am journaling again..both...for healing..and hopefully what i ve been thru..can open door for others to share as well..maybe thats it..minister indirectly..yeah i love to listen to others and feel for them..that s where my passion is..to do something for Him...to let others have the love He has for me..to let them know..He is the one and only can set them free..

something to work on..will be a long journey..

its doesnt matter how i started..its how i will end it..

means..keep running..hey..get up sweetlittleangel and rise!

[Mackenaw]

Hello Sweet

God bless you this day.

I love you, Sweet, and I'm so glad you are doing this Study. You are on a wonderful journey in getting to know our Lord more intimately, and He is with you always, dear Sweet.

The Lord: Father, Son and Holy Ghost, loves you so very much.

Love and hugs,
Mack

[xxJILLxx]

Hello sweet!

Gbu you , you have a very sweet and kind spirit to you.

When i think that someone could treat you badly, my heart breaks.

I know you will find the healing you need here sis

This will be a transforming journey for you, i cant wiat to see the results.



love ya sis

♥Jill

[mlg]

Hey sla, welcome back to the counseling steps. You know each time you do the steps, offers you a new chance to grow even closer to God. May you find the healing that you need this time. I will be here with you for each step as you know.

luv ya bunches sis

[sweetlittleangel]

awwwww thank you a lot for u all wonderful bunches of sisters.

put me in tears

i feel so much joy for today.

just after i posted journal, feel some kind of freedom

and i dun go to my room and close the door today..guess that is a good sign

woahh...i love you too ..yes u.

[flutemusic67]

Sweeeeeeetkens,

Awwwww I am glad you are sharing. Wish I had the courage that you have. God has great plans in little people, yes?

Was so wonderful to talk to you again yesterday. I've missed you.

God bless and keep you, my sweetlittlesister.

flute

[Dora]

Sweet

You will be blessed through this study.

And YES the Holy Spirit is smiling.

You are precious!

My sister, My friend.

Love ya dearly.

[sweetlittleangel]

ty dear piney and flutekenn, i ve missed u too. yes, ty God for He has great plan for lil ole me

step 2

*stretching arms* hii gud morning Holy Spirit and all.

the garden...

i saw a beautiful garden..the sun, green trees, butterflies, gentle breeze, birds chirping,

but corrupted with few fragments of bitterness and confusion which was still left..

while walking in the garden..holding His hands..now that i pull that weeds.

..bit tricky to pull as it has comfortably seated there without i realized ..ouchie

ok..enuff for today..one day at a time.

ty God.

[flutemusic67]

..bit tricky to pull as it has comfortably seated there without i realized ..ouchie

But.... you see it now.

Wish you could see yourself as others and more importantly God sees you.

You are a sweet, loving, caring, funny, and adorable child of God.

Love you, my sweetlittlesister.

flute

[Dora]

It is difficult to pull some of those weeds. Especially when we've been so comfortable sitting amongst them.

Look at the dandelion. It looks pretty. Very deceiving little weed as it appears to be a friendly flower. But it's root is difficult to pull. It grows a deep tender root that breaks when one tries to pull it. And when it goes into seed it's designed to reproduce 100 more. It's seed has a fluffy end that gets caught in the wind and carried far. If you let one grow, soon you will have many many many more. Some even carry over into your neighbors yard.



Looking at the flower of the dandelion it even looks like a lion. A bit of a warning from nature to not play around with this one or before you know it your garden will quickly be over taken by it's pack.

You may need a trowel, some gloves, and even a friend to dig some up by the roots and remove them for good. You may find that just as you think you've got them pulled they keep springing right back up.

You know the Holy Spirit well and he is here to help you with these. And friends like me who are willing to help you along the way. Anytime.

Love ya sweetie
Bunches

[inHishands]

Hi Sweet,

I would like you to know that I am praying for you. I pray God gives you the strength to see and do whatever it is He wants you to do in the situation you are in. I know He has a plan for you and we don't always see what that plan is right away. I pray you lead her to Christ and she repents for what she has done to you. I will pray for her as well. We are all here for you and love you very much. I just finished my 14 steps on Monday and have been so blessed! God Bless you!

Love & Blessings,
inHishands

[mlg]

Aha so you had some weeds still sitting in the garden...well hidden and disguised under all the beauty. This is why we have to often dig deep within the soil, as some of the weeds aren't necessarily seen above the soil of our minds.

Just remember God is there with you sis, and He is your gardener. He wants to help you find the hidden weeds. He wants to remove them from your heart and mind. He is the answer.

luv ya sis