A lonely place this side of Eden

[josinella]

I have noticed that I go along okay for long periods of time (things that used to bother me don't and I handle them more Christ-like). I praise God for allowing me to handle things the way He would want me to and I not take ownership of His workmanship in me. He is really with me, I sense Him and hear Him all the time. There was one day last week I had my mp3 player with me all day praising Him in my own little space.

Today, I hit rock bottom for no apparent reason. I know that God is trying to get me to see who I am, my strengths and my weaknesses. I felt the need for intimacy today. I am a very compassionate person and it has been hard for me to conceive living life without affection. Even my daughters have expressed this concern. Today when it hit, it seemed worse than ever. I have prayed to God that He would remove these feelings if it is meant by Him for me to live alone. He constantly tells me that He has someone for me and it is part of His plan for me.

Rather than give in to these feelings, I thought about all the things God has done for me and His purpose as He has revealed to me. When I left my last husband 4 yrs ago, I swore I would have nothing to do with men. I think today was God allowing me to feel again. Satan tried to turn it against me but I called on God for His direction. He wants me to know who I am and to come out within His filtered hand, and not Satan's. I love God and can speak lovingly to Him in praise. I guess He is making me ready for His soulmate. I have never been in a Christian relationship but I know that I have to be whole to receive God's blessing. So I faithfully follow Him and trust Him with my feelings.

It's easy to trust God when things are going good, a little tougher when things aren't going so good. I am thankful that I didn't let Satan turn this into a pity party or a major depression. Instead, I allowed God to take control and give me wisdom about myself. I didn't know how hard I have made it for other people to love me until today. He wants me to love and trust again, first Him, and then others.

I see in my writings my sadness and displeasure with life. But God is calling me out, He wants me to give it to Him and He is showing me what to give. Today He gave me a glimpse of my heart and why He spends so much time with me. He sees the wounds and is removing them a scar at a time. He sees the potential and He is not giving up on me. Thank you Lord for loving me!

[mlg]

Sis, we can go back and review our thoughts and see the displeasure we have in life if that is what we choose to look at. Or, we can look forward, and look at the Hope that God is offering to us...We always have a choice. Sometimes we tend to be tempted to go and look back, as if something just might change this time...but in reality we know it won't. The past is fixed....but what will change is what God has for us ahead. He can make all things beautiful. Think on Him and the good things sis. Then will you find the joy of forever.

luv ya

[deetu]

Hi Josinellen,
So wonderful reading your posts.
I just want to remind you to break that inner vow/curse you made to yourself about not trusting men. And any others the Holy Spirit might bring back to your memory.

[Dora]

Josi once again I enjoyed reading how the Lord is walking with you and molding you. What can I add that the Lord hasn't already added? Nothing. It's just beautiful.

Calling you into love. I see this in many people lately. He's drawing us closer to himself and at the same time drawing us to love and trust others. Trust is hard to repair once it's broken. So many break our trust. At a young age my father broke my trust in men. It took many years to even begin to trust one man, let alone others. Once he calls you you can't turn your back. Cause he won't let go and you don't want the enemy to win. The other side of not receiving love or giving trust is a joyous place to be. The side where love reigns.

You are doing well on this path Josi.

[josinella]

I woke up feeling so good this morning that I told God how much I love Him. Rather than allow Satan to draw me into depression, I called on Him instead. So needless to say, I praise Him.

I think this was His way of letting me see myself, letting me know where the spears of Satan may hit and strengthening my shield of faith. I felt His presence when I woke up, like He was lying there with me all night, comforting me. Wow, what a truly loving God He is!

[mlg]

And I smile, yes I smile...now your seeing sis....God is right there with you...holding you and comforting you...yes He allows us to go through trials, but it is to make us stronger...more able to endure...more ready to fight the next battle...He is proud of you sis, and oh how He loves you too.

luv ya

[Dora]

wow Josi that is beautiful.
God is so very good. I love the mornings when I wake up and feel his presence so closely. Like a dad watching over his child as they slept.

[josinella]

If you believe in visions from God, then this is one. I was listening to a sermon telecast out of KCMO and had fallen asleep on the sofa in my living room. I vaguely remember hearing the pastor say, God's been pitching balls since the beginning of time

[comfy]

like He was lying there with me all night, comforting me

> like how your soulmate will be > the affection is deeper >

"I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
.By the gazelles or by the does of the field,
.Do not stir up nor awaken love
.Until it pleases." (Song of Solomon 3:5)

In God's love, we are safe >
"And who is he who will harm you
if you become followers of what is good?"
(1 Peter 3:13)

[mlg]

Sis, catching the ball is easier for some than it is others, but the really important thing is to have a ball to begin with. See you can't play ball if the ball doesn't exist in your life. So knowing Jesus is a must before anyone can step out to catch the ball. So...once you know Jesus...and you step out to catch the ball...are you going to practice catching until you get it right...or you gonna give up when you miss a few throws? I would hope that you and I both would choose to keep on practicing...fighting the good fight...so that we can reach others with His love.

luv ya sis

[josinella]

Today has been a hard day. I feel like I have been pulled every direction. I stayed balanced, I stayed centered. I could have chosen another direction but I looked for His purpose. When I was blind to His purpose, I looked for His presence, the guiding Light that always shines through.

I don't give God's presence in my life enough credit. I get dismayed because it seems that people are rude and run over me, label me, and disrespect me. But it isn't about me, it's about Him who strengthens me. In the past, I wondered how I made it through it all. Today, we reflected on some of those past hurts. Through Him and His healing power, He allows me to use His wisdom learned from those past hurts to stay centered and to help others He sends my way.

So today, a new day to give God credit for His workmanship in me. I thank you, Father!

[Dora]

Josi you kept going back to him during this trial. That pleases the father.

You have so work to do to get to where you want to be in your relationship with him. Be patient and continue forward. It will work out. You are doing great.

Don't you just love the peace he brings when we turn to him instead of trying to work out our struggles on our own.

God bless you.