Christianity Oasis Forum

[Dora]

Now, obviously this does not mean that you MUST trust ALL of those who have hurt you, in particular when terrible crimes were committed and allow what occurred to happen again ... God forbid. It means that you should not let the lack of trust in them, establish a habit within you and have you walk in fear, unable to trust anyone else.

The point is ... Being unforgiving can cause a chain of circumstances that prevent you from being fruitful for God. Until you completely release your offender from his sin, you'll remain in the same net that you've put that soul in.

I don't know what to say. I've thought about this for some time. Not even sure what to write. The thought of trusting again. I trust few. And even with those few I lapse back into fear. Gods will be done. I am willing for him to work in this lack of trust that is in me. Just not sure I'm ready or able to trust.

Change of subject

Yesterday I saw two things about myself.
The first I was standing in a desert with a pile of rocks. I reached down and picked up a rock. It had a name on the bottom. It said Dad. I was angry and wanted to throw it as hard as I could, because of the things he did. But I love him so I sat it down and picked up a rock beside his name. It had an offense that he committed against me written on the bottom. I threw it as far as I could. Then another and another, then I came across a rock that had another mans name on it. I threw it down. And picked up a rock near it which had an offense he committed against me. I threw it. Then another then another. Then I realized this pile of rocks had the names of the men who had hurt me and all their offenses. I began to throw them. Thinking it would feel good to get out my anger. I heard a voice that said, "Casting stones?" I dropped the stones and walked away but kept looking back at that pile.

That's me. Casting stones. I walk away but look back.

Another one I saw was when I was a child I played in the basement, it was dark, cold, and scary. Yet not as scary as the man that was upstairs. When I heard the door shut I'd go upstairs. Because I knew he left. When I walked up the stairs I was afraid a demon under the stairs would get me. He would reach through the steps and grab my leg. No he never did. But I was so afraid he would that I would run up the stairs skipping every other step. Sometimes I'd fall and get hurt because I was watching for this spooky hand to reach out and get me instead of looking where I needed to go. Still doing that. As I want to get away from these demons of the past I want to rush ahead so I can get away from them. Forcing the healing on my own power, instead of allowing God.

Todays study was on forgiveness of self and others. I woke to God showing me areas I need to forgive myself in.
Does it ever get to the point you can look at your past sin with out flinching? Or at least not flinching a dozen times?

[mlg]

Actually it does sis. If you forgive yourself and forget the past, you can get past it. The hardest thing for me is to forgive others and then trust them again. It's like I stand afraid they will do this again. But if we sit around expecting it to happen again then it will. If we decide that we will allow God to protect us and that it won't happen, and if it does God will be there to give us strength to get through, then we can begin to trust again. We have a choice as to what we want to believe.

Your not alone in this struggle for Trust sis.

luv ya

[comfy]

"Don't isolate yourself, Bill."

"Bill . . . the Lord forgives."

Pine, there is always more we all can learn about how to deal with this, because we all are growing in Jesus and then being able to do better with everything.

And how God will do it is for us to discover and enjoy because He is bringing us to Himself and one another, instead of that one and those ones who have hurt us and now are no more than Satan's wishful imagination . . . if we refuse his spirit of bringing this against us.

And if "forgiving" is not working > well, it's not just about a method. And I notice how in the prayer Jesus taught us . . . forgiving is not the first thing of prayer. But prayer starts with "Our Father". So, first, I think, we need to be brought to You, so we are with You in Your love so we are pleasing to You and seeing how to be in love for all people, so then we are forgiving in this love how You are loving in forgiving us . . . as our Example.

So I need this, obviously. But she fails in this, she is "probably" going to say . . . yes yes yes . . . and so do I, and so do we all, I'd "bet" So, I cast this on You > "casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." (in 1 Peter 5:7) So, we offer this to You, confessing how we have failed, and believing You continue Your working in us to first make us pleasing to You, then able to forgive pleasingly with it about being pleasing to You, instead of just getting rid of pain and so we can just live the lives we want > but first . . . it's about truly giving ourselves to You, then see how You do this with us.

You fight the battle in us > "Win in us." "'The LORD will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace.'" (Exodus 14:14) And ones will say, later, "I failed, it did not work." And I will be *s*t*u*b*b*o*r*n* to keep on having this hope and pray for us to do better. Love "hopes all things" (in 1 Corinthians 13:7) > so, I have this hope also for the ones who have violated us and hated us and used us so cruelly; I need this because later we will have ones persecuting and attacking us viciously, more than past abusers have, possibly; and so I need to get stronger in love for ones of the past > in order to reach these for Jesus, we will need to be able to stand against howsoever Satan would effect us with past or present or future people's attackings and betrayings etc. > as we go as lambs among wolves (Luke 10:3).

And we *adopt* (Romans 8:15) these people with our prayer of hope *for* them, like Jesus did on the cross > "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do." (in Luke 23:34) And then that "thief" next to Jesus stood up for Him and gave himself to Jesus > after He so prayed > Luke 23:34-43. And Paul was capturing Christians and having them killed (Acts 22:4-5, Acts 26:9-11) > I would consider that these saints included mommies and daddies > imagine such child abuse, to kill the Christian parents so loving of their children. But Paul was captured by Jesus But "when Saul had come to Jerusalem, he tried to join the disciples; but they were all afraid of him, and did not believe that he was a disciple." (in Acts 9:26) So, the disciples "all" were not ready for God to do what I'd say certain ones had prayed with hope for God to do with Paul.

Let us be ready for God to change any one who is so deeply sick with evil . . . ready for how You are able to change any Satanic person into one of our brothers and sisters in Your love. And admit how we fail, and keep at this. The real enemy is my own self, then, who makes me able to fail in this. Jesus says to deny myself and take up my cross and follow Him > Matthew 16:24 > "daily", Jesus says in Luke 9:23, to take up our cross > so, when someone comes to mind in the morning > this is my chance to deal with taking up my cross, by praying forgiveness to that person, giving me practice in denying myself and doing the loving in prayer that Jesus wants and did on the cross > "practice makes perfect" > so *when* Satan brings whosoever to mind > "Oh, Satan, so you have brought this person for prayer and forgiveness so I can get better at this. Maybe I should be *thanking* you???" And see how long that person stays for "prayer meeting" > it gets frustrating > someone comes to mind for prayer, I get first critical and upset and hurt by memories or imagined slights, then I start to pray for the person but the person *then* slips away from my mind so I can't remember who I was going to pray for and I need to pray for God to remind me who that was.

I notice how so many people, when that predator thing was publicized, were so welcoming of an excuse to be unforgiving and not have compassion with hope for those men so deeply sick with evil > Jesus came with compassion ready and hope for any person, at all, to reach any sort of Satanic person here on earth > His sacrifice is good for *all* > 1 John 2:2, 1 Timothy 4:10. Plus, they didn't make such an uproar until the media made that scandal so *public* so it could be a problem for their *reputation*, possibly ? ? ? It had been known, before, had been reported; but only when it was given more attention, then was when ones made such a show of doubting their "church". So, I think may be we humans *all* can have our ways of not really caring about others, but only what we want for ourselves. We are all human, we all can do this in more or less clever and obvious ways. My "opinion" In any case, I myself can welcome the opportunity to look down on someone else.

So, I'm the bug who needs to be squashed and have all that yooky stuff flushed to the flaming sewer which burns with fire and brimstone, while we get flowed-through by the living waters so sweet and beautifully pure and refreshing and warmly caressing us with God's love, instead

[momof3]

Todays study was on forgiveness of self and others. I woke to God showing me areas I need to forgive myself in.
Does it ever get to the point you can look at your past sin with out flinching? Or at least not flinching a dozen times?

heya Pinester, sis. When i read this my heart totally understands this feeling. 19 years ago i made a choice and did something i never thought i would do. I made excuses for it for months, but there was no denying what i had done could ever be excusable in the eyes of a Holy God. Sis, during the next several months the Lord showed me that it was only by His grace and mercy and love for me that i could be forgiven. Our human minds cannot grasp the depths of His thoughts of mercy and love for us. At times, it comes down to " I am forgiven because Christ says i am" There is nothing we can do, no amount of punishing ourselves, no amount of work for the Lord we can do that could ever pay the price for the things we have done. You know this.....it is ONLY because of Who He is and what He has done that cleanses us from those things. Ask yourself...Was His blood enough? Was His sacrifice enough?

I think i will always flinch at the choices i made during those times...it serves as a reminder of how truly Gracious and Merciful our God is. But trusting that the price paid for those choices is enough..that's where the freedom from the guilt comes from. I know you trust this too, so just be patient with yourself.

i love you, sis. standing with you in prayer for all of this, too.

in Jesus,
love momo

[Dora]

Thank you all for your posts.
Each was just what I needed at the time you posted.
As well as the pm I got.

Todays topic is about the root of the problem.
So far I've been thinking the root is these men that hurt me.
The truth is, it's the enemy of us all.
At one time I knew this, but had fell away from truth.
Blaiming them.
Blaiming myself.
Blaiming my mom.
Dang if grandpa hadn't of been so mean my mom would of been stronger.
Grandpas Fault.
If my grandma hadn't of beat up my dad maybe he'd of been more loving.
This could go on and on.
Yet the real root is the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy.

John 10:10
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

If I belong to God, then the enemy stole from God
God can retrieve what was stolen from him.

When I play the blaim game I fall into judgment and pride and anger come up. They show up in my conversations with people I love. This is something I think I will struggle with for some time as I keep falling back to blaiming and judging those in my past. Lord help me in my weakness.

The study speaks on Fear and Mistrust.
Maybe I'll get this one day.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.

Last night I had a night mare. I woke up frozen in fear. Felt as if the room was full of evil. I began to worship God and with in a short time, I relaxed, felt strong, fear left.

It also speaks on grief.
I've been grieving the loss of childhood. Time to let go. To God I am still a child. So everyday is a chance to experience childhood the way God intended.

Something that hit me in the study today is applying the source of sin to the parts I had in the past. I left my toys out. I got hurt terribly for this. My mom was threatened. It effected my entire family as my dad lost complete control. It was my fault so I was told. So I believed. Everything that happened I was told was my fault. No matter what I did, walked down the hall and the floor boards creaked, bothering dad while he was thinking. His anger would explode. If I walked down the hall trying to keep the floor boards from creaking, it appeared to dad that I was trying to hide from him. Every movement or lack of movement or noise could set him off and I was to blaim. If I brought out the beast in my dad, it was my fault. So why did I leave my toys out? I was a child? I knew better. I wanted to spend all my time playing, not picking up. I didn't obey. I was sinful. Could the blood of Christ not cover the sin of a little child leaving her toys out? Though the reactions of others effected the entire family in such a terrible way? It is easy for a person to think, silly woman, you were a child who left her toys out, big deal. All children do that. My kids do that all the time. Actually to me it's a reminder there was joy in my house today as the children played.

My oldest child was 6 and playing on monkey bars. Her little brother followed her. He fell and broke his arm. For years my daughter felt guilt because he was just following her. She said she shouldn't have went on the monkey bars. No matter how much I told her it wasn't her fault, she saw her action and the end result. She didn't see that she was a child doing as a child does. Play.

So forgiving the little girl. She's still afraid that any action, no matter how small, will bring out the monster in others. I wrote about this a while back. Mind field. Takes time I guess to get out of those mind fields. Sometimes we slip back into them?

Seeing there is work to do, makes me want to get to work. Yet it's not me that will bring the work to completion, yet the Lord.

Today...trying to rest as he guides me to forgiveness and trust. Just be his child, rest in his love, and be patient as his healing hands do the work.

Posting this stuff makes me nauseous.

[mlg]

My sister and my friend. Bless you.

I want to share a bit with you about Jesus death today. Do you remember when the soldier put the spear through Jesus, out poured water? You know why water? Because Jesus didn't have any blood left...Jesus shed His life as well as all of His blood so that you could be free sis. Take Jesus precious gift and accept it, because He died a painful death so you wouldn't have to live in pain. The pain has already been atoned for...so don't let past memories continue to hurt you...Jesus took the hurt with Him.

luv ya sweet sis

[momof3]

Mark 10:14
But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased, and said unto them, Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.

Pinester, you are not responsible for your father's anger nor his reactions to a child. That was between him and God, just as he was not responsible for his mother's actions and reactions. We are each responsible for our own. I look at your family and know that generational abuses have stopped in the way you love your children and your husband. Thing is, you continue to blame the lil girl for so much. The struggle between blaming and letting go....what is truth and what is a lie that lil girl had pounded into her? Seperating the 2 is easier if you see you the way Jesus sees you...has always seen you.

These roots are being pulled out sis. Keep going while He shows you truth.

love you sis. Praying and standing with you every step of the way.

in Jesus,
momo

[Dora]

Confused today.

So I choose to let go of everything and just lean on Jesus.

What is he saying.
He's saying well done.
That healing is working it's way in me, I can make this ruff and fight to heal on my own or enjoy the trip by relaxing and letting him have complete control.

The memories don't make me shudder anymore. They pop up and I click the little red X in the top left corner and they are gone. No shudder. No flinch. No fear or tears.

I'm no longer exhausted.
I don't feel like I'm fighting a battle.
Yea they are still there, the army that wants to bring me down.
But it's not my battle to fight.

No longer anxious or nauseated.
The whisper comes, "They don't know what you've gone through so what they say may not apply."
So if I rely on the Lords words then I guess that whisper won't apply.
Cause he was there.

[mlg]

Sis, only God knows where you have been and what you have been through. I must say clicking that X is a big thing. I too have to do it with memories of the past, but I've found where it's easier to do, especially when I turn my thoughts to the things of God instead.

Your moving forward sis. Your doing well. Keep allowing God to heal you, but most of all accept His healing.

luv ya

[Tam]

Proud of you sis.....you are making progress. Keep pressing in and don't give up.
Tam

[xxJILLxx]

Rest in Him sis, know and rely on the fact that Daddy is very proud of you and wants the best for all of us and everyone is not the same and heals a lil differently than some, that is what makes us so unique. Kepp listeing to His voice and follow His lead.

You are the apple of His eye.

Gbu sis

♥Jill

[Dora]

Yesterday, Day 6, The day of man.
The humanness and the enemy spent the day together.
I listened to a lot of things he had to say and began to doubt there is healing for me.
Today there is still some doubt.
I went back and reread the steps and found my faith is lacking.
It wasn't. I did believe when I started this journey. Otherwise I wouldn't of started this journey. Somewhere along the line I got weary and sat down.

Todays step #7 was on replacing lies with truth.
I've been taking things my dad said and replacing them with truth for a few months now.

The little girl has a little wooden box. Where she has stashed everything her dad told her she was. To just toss them out after all these years of relying on that little wooden box to keep her from stepping out and making a fool of us all, it's not as easy as one would think.

Until she empties the box she won't be able to stand under the whispers of her enemy. When he whispers she's worthless, he shows her it's true because it's in the box.

I think I'm going to take Oasis advice and write them out and light them up. This is going to take some time. For each lie, I need to know the truth, so to replace it.