Christianity Oasis Forum

[Poefenjaf]

Hi all.
I thought I'd tell you my story ... Not because I'm special or marvellous or anything, but simply because I want to give God the glory for what He's done for me and in spite of me.

Anyways ...
I'm very shy by nature and it's always a challenge for me to share feelings, so I'm gonna be brave and be VERY honest as I feel that's what God wants me to do. So before I share, let us pray ...

Ok. Let's do this ....
I'm Afrikaans speaking (for those of you who don't know it's almost like Dutch) and am South African. I grew up under the whole apartheid thing and always got into trouble for playing with "non-whites". What can I say - I just couldn't agree!

Between the ages of 4 and 6 I was repeatedly sexually abused by a cousin of mine. Being that small, I had no idea what was going on - and thought it was what was supposed to happen. Only a few years ago did I actually deal with this and (praise God!) I can say that I have forgiven my cousin and he is now one of my favourite people in the world!!

I started reading at age 3 and by the time I got to school, I was streaks ahead of my classmates. My dad always bragged with me and would ask me to read from an (English!) enyclopaedia to visitors from about age 4, but in private he would always tell me that I will never amount to anything and that he would never accept me. This is because my dad (being the last by in his family) had 2 girls before I arrived and when I appeared to be a girl, he said he would never accept it.
When I got to highschool, I got involved with quite a rough crowd and eventually, through them< became intensely involved in satanism. Praise God I never drank any blood or anything, but sad to say (and this sometimes still haunts me) I was a spectator of the sacrifice of one of the women's prem baby. Miraculously, not too long after, I just walked away from it all - which is a miracle in itself because they would rather kill you than allow you to just walk out.
In my final year of school I was raped by my best friend. I never told anyone and during the December holidays I discovered that I was pregnant. Again I never told anyone and I hated this baby! On the 15th of February 1995 I had a miscarriage whilst alone at home. I never saw a doctor or had anything checked out (to this day) and am afraid that I will never be able to have kids again ...

I left for college a week later and within 4 weeks of being there, I was awesomely saved by my Daddy God. I went through a deliverance process for the satanism and Freemasonry (my dad and grampa both are / were masons) but even then I didn't tell anyone about the abuse or rape and subsequent miscarriage. I had a couple of relationships in college - but always the guys would find "better" girls and prettier girls and leave me ... During my second year I tried suicide (it didnt work for me ). I hurt my family a lot with that, but I never told them why.

A few years after I left college things were ok, but everything started catching up to me and I started drinking on the sly and drinking over-the-counter sleeping tablets. Untill my boss actually one day confronted me and everything came out. I had months of dealing with stuff and my family not talking to me after I'd told them all of it, so even then the rejection was immense. Up to this day no-one in my family knows who my abuser was - and I dont intend ever letting them find out as I don't see the point of destroying his life ... God healed my heart.
*oh yeah*
I moved to my current city about 3 years ago where I got very involved in the local church. And God met with me so powerfully!! Woohoo!!
About 20 months ago I ran into the guy who got me involved in satanism - and I felt we needed to sort some things out. We got together in his office where he subsequently overpowered me and raped me. (Incidentally - he is the brother of the best friend who raped me in my final year of school). Again I never told anyone, but God has been gracious to me and has allowed me to deal with this with HIM and I can honestly say my heart is at peace.

I am now very involved in my church and lead worship on a regular basis. God's called me to sing over people in my church, city, country and other nations. I can't wait for the "other nations" bit!!! I have a strong prophetic gift and am stepping out in faith more and more every day.

Due to the way that I have been treated, I really struggle to trust men - but God is fixing that. Maybe one day I'll find someone that will accept and love me as I am and we could even perhaps build our own family!!

Ihave lots more to say - but this is the jist of who I am.

One last thing ... God gave me this scripture when Iwas going through a very tough time:
Zephaniah 3v17 - it is now my favourite scripture and I read it a few times every day!

Bless y'all!

[susidivah]

Poe sis

Thank you for sharing your story... I know how difficult this was for you to write, but Holy Spirit is all over it sis God has blessed this place with you, and I know your testimony is going to speak to many who have been thru some of the same struggles as you.

And yes, to God be ALL the glory!

If I may do so, I'd like to post that scripture (after finally finding it in Zephaniah and not Zechariah )

For the Lord your God has arrived to live among you. He is a mighty savior. He will rejoice over you with great gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will exult over you by singing a happy song (Zephaniah 3:17 New Living Translation)

That scripture is so uplifting and such a gem

May God bless you and keep you focused on the Path and in the Truth. I feel He has a lot in store for you here Poe!

Luv ya,
Susi

[storm]

im glad that you are here with us sis, and pray that God will keep working in you.

hugg


glomp


storm

[SimplyBreezy]

Dear Poefenjaf,

Hello, and thank you so much for sharing your story with us, your friends and family here. We love you and you are where the Lord led you to so you can spread His word and message of what He can do for others, just as He has done for you.

dear sister in Christ


Sincerely,

SimplyBreezy

[Tam]

wow Poe.....Thank you for sharing your story with us. God is faithful to us. And He never gives up on us.
Love sis
Tam

[foreverHis]

poie poie pie..... the lord has used what satan wanted for him, he wanted to destroy you. but we all know that the Holy Spirit gathered all those broken pieces and now as made you into vessel of honour....to be poured out for Him.....and you have all that happen to you....but now te lord has put you back tgether and adopted you into His family my dear....hurry up and come to kiwi land sis....
love ya

[Poefenjaf]

Thanks Ladies!

It's been a long, hard road, but He has kept me and sustained and taught me much.
All is good!