I AM , WAS & will BE = Verb

[vahn]

"Oh oh , there he is , lets check the coffee !! " AA joke , "wonder what's he going to whine about now !! " yeah , I here it all , but ... in the spirit of being called (and sometimes I wander what ?) and having chosen ( at times , like today , I'm going "what was I thinking at the time ") or was I thinking at all ! and if I was , what was I thinking with , to make a choice like that ! .

First off , let me forewarn , I have not slept a wink since 5 AM Saturday and I still have 1000 hrs to go , went thru brain racking of figuring out someone's mind games that ended up in suicide attempt (theirs) which interrupted yet another's cry for help whom I've been working on for the past month or so , that I ended up taking both to the hospital , one after the other , the first having to carry on my shoulder for two blocks till the police happened by and took over from there , by the time I get out the hospital for the second one it's 4:30 AM time to ready for work ,wondering if I really wanna listen yet to another drunk (my "paying" job ) , my rational ? "at least these one's are sober ! hah ! these guys make the wet ones' whinings music to my ears ! "Where's a meeting or my sponsor when you need them !!" I didnt even dare to look at God for I know too well what was He thinking (I thought ? again ? hmm) .

So , how you all doing ? I'm doing fine thank you ! oh , by the way , that is fine as in F.I.N.E , as in frustrated , insecure , neurotic and emotional ? why you ask by the way ? . oh , that ! hmm , well , uhmm , beats me pal ! All in a days work for God that's all ! I'm soo happyyy !

Where's God's Glory in all this that I'm "supposed" to carry on this forum , you may ask ( if you're still here that is ) . Well , in my last two post , if anyone noticed , I'd been hunting down the enemy , yes he'd been at work here big time . (The answer came this AM , and I'm about to E-mail a dear friend with it , but figure I'd let off steam first , help ? yes ? ) for it is a bit disturbing , Truth hurts sometimes , yes ?

About a 100 yrs ago , new in sobriety , service oriented sponsor and I come up with an Idea to start a new meeting just for the drunks coming out of bars (or before getting into one ) time slot not allowing , I came up with "how about for the one's coming outa the "bushes " ( the homeless) ? Say 5 AM ? Worked well enough for me to pass the responsibility to my sponsee (2 yrs later) . It was to be an open end mtg. meaning the mtg's over when its over , if you have somewhere to go ,feel free .
Coming outa the hospital , walking back , I pass by an all too familiar laughters and chatters , I turn and all I see is styrofoam cups , mana from heaven ! A meeting ! ( they had since moved the location , later I find out ) So I go in , and this where I started to get unglued , No handshakes , No greeters , I walked past at least 5 ppl , not even a glance , I mean I coulda been a newbie ! "ok , I'll handle this " Meeting starts , no prayer , now I'm fuming , chair person asks for topic and a growl goes "how about the 12th step !" which by the way states , "Having HAD a Spiritual awakening as a result of these steps , we TRY to CARRY this message to alcoholics (lost souls !!) BINGO !! My answer ! Next , oh by the way by now I'm ready to shred anything that moved , the chair asks if there're any newcomers willing to identify themselves so we'll get to know you , so Mr. Sarcastic here goes I'm vahn , an alcoholic . you could hear a pin drop , on the carpet ! "but -you-no-what kinda joke-be-real" later , I just went ballistic on them with no one but the Spirit running my mouth for me , which , in a way this is what I see happen here (my observation only) so , with a brood of vipers tone I went "which one of you goodie two shoes here makes a decision whether I'm good enough for you to talk to , all you been doing sit here chatter with one another totaly ignoring the lost cuz you too bz with the "important" ones , oh yeah , the so called "winners" the ones who "got it made" all in the name of One drunk helping the other ? Listen up ppl . the ones that make it here already got the msge . that's why their here ! dont you get it ? or are you just plain numb . oh , speking of the 12th step , here's my input , carry means pick up and GO somewhere to deliver , not to just sit around and wait for them to come to you , if , they make it here !

A comment I made in my last post , which got misinterpreted, of course , "if lost souls are enemies of God what are they doing in His "house" ?" meaning the ones here are "lost" no more ! God is an action word ppl ! that means we GO and we BRING them here from the outside world !
And when someone gets here nd still says I'm lost dont you think we should ask them what they mean by that ? or better yet try to discern the enemy ? sheep's clothing ? maybe ? hmmm !

[mlg]

wow good morning to you to vahn

My friend I love your passion you have for the lost souls as I do. Many misinterpret us as being overzealous and often think we think ourselves above them, when in reality we are way below them...because we have learned to be humble in our steps, by not letting it be about us but about seeking out God's lost....so what were you thinking when you answered God's call? Simple...you were thinking that you would rather find peace in your heart knowing that you were attempting to reach these souls and bring them to the Light instead of facing sleepless nights of knowing you never tried at all.

Hang in there my friend. All will be well.

luv ya

[---]

First off vahn...I live by your definition of f.i.n.e. it is so accurate..and on the days when the answer to "how are you?" is fine...I truly mean it in the sense of frustrated, insecure, neurotic and emotional. I hate to admit that is my answer more days than it should be

WOW I am humbled by what you do in the Name of Christ. How you put yourself on the line with helping those in such desperate need. It takes a bold Spirit to stand up and seek out...lending a back and a heart to those is such deep hurt ..lost and invisible to so many around them. I applaud how you live out Gods plan for your life even on such days as the ones you describe.

I can only imagine how tired you might get..yet..yet you continue to work the work...seek the lost souls who hurt and help them find a way through your foundation of faith.
I realize you are not asking nor seeking for grand gestures or allocades...but please accept them as confirmation through some tough days that you are where and doing what the Lord wants.

Know that coming here to vent and frustrate to us is acceptable. Everyone needs a safe place to unload the burdens...and we are the body of Christ and that is what we are to do for one another,.... pray, listen and encourage.

The enemy really hates you..isn't that great!??! You are on his hit list...and as long as you struggle and stay determined to be in God's Will the enemy will send what he can to distract and destroy you.

Lord Jesus I ask you to lay a bounty of blessing upon vahn this day. You continue to feed His soul ..let him see the success of Your Hand upon lives...and comfort vahn when he is tired and unsure of what he is accomplishing in Your Name. He is a man on Your mission Lord. An example to many who think their road is hard. Help us to pray for vahn in the way he needs to be..that we may stand in the gap with support. I ask in Your Name Lord. AMEN

Hang tough vahn...the enemy is hot on your heels...but God is tougher in every way.

[deetu]

All right vahn!