In need of sharing something .... anything

[vahn]

"He didn't know it can't be done , .... that's how he did it "

That statement , I think , is the most crucial part of who I had become today ever since someone gave me a book when I was still struggling with the whole idea of God , Christianity , religion , you name it , in order to help me be a bit more informed prior to making my final discission . If I were to reverse that statement , it would describe me to a tee , my thing had always been , "I KNOW it cant be done , that's why I couldn't do anything ". Things like , I cannot possibly be a Christian , cause I cannot forgive anyone , let alone love my enemies ! , I cannot be loved by God or Jesus , and on and on and on the list goes . I was (today I know) condemning myself , and in the process I was the one keeping myself from the Glory and Grace of God !

Self condemnation , ( I knew the answer would come once I started opening up to God in His own House) that's what it had been egging at me pretty much all day.

I did something today to a person that was "doing what he was supposed to be doing" that was very , very , very nasty and rude on my part (did I mention very ?) and , although it served its purpose , I'm still uneasy about it .
I pinned this person to a position where he had absolutely no other choice but to let the truth be revealed by his own words and terms , knowing that it was the last thing he wanted to do in front of 59 Christ oriented people .

Thinking about it ,(more shall be revealed ?) I guess it started out a while back being asked to lead a Bible study and I didnt want to do it for fear of inadequacy , but did it because "I'm not supposed to say no to God's calling" right ? Well that led to being asked to do it twice a week , so to make a long story short , it "mutually" agreed that we'd have an in house AA meetings established and that I run them back to back ! , ( my strings) yeahhhh still play the game sometimes , so shoot me alright !?!

Some years back , going against the "grain" I ended up firing one of my sponsees , cause of refusing to submit to a belief/reliance on a Power Greater than himself , so I promptly told him I could be of no help to him if he chooses so , and that I would be more than glad to steer him to someone who would be more "understanding" .

For three weeks now the word had been out about our meeting , and that I'm "scouting" for speakers, lead and chair persons . Of course in order for me to so I'd have to go to more meetings fishing for prospects , all of a sudden every meeting I had been attending , there he is !! "talking " about Higher Power this and HP that yada yada yada . Lip service .

Last night after leaving here , on the way back , this thought "came" to me , I know what he's doing , I'll give it to him !! HAH !!
First thing this morning , I canceled the other speaker and called him , saying "how much our group would benefit from his message" (lie #1)
ladida right ? at lunch , at the cafeteria I announced that the hours had been switched , and that we would have the study first . When he came in I "apologized" for the inconvenience and invited him to join us at the study , Oh , I made sure there were at least three people listening , so , he agreed , hmm , what a surprize !! and not only that , when the AA mtg . began , I announced , due to "unforseen" circumstances , we would turn the meeting to a speaker/discussion followed by Q/A .

We ended up in the chapel on our knees with him turning his will and life over to the care of God .

Who said an old behavior is always bad for you ?

Where's God's glory in all this ? Who else's would it be ? He put Jonah in His book for someone to read and they turned around and called me one , and like Jonah , I didnt want to do this , but did it cause at the time I thought God was talking through them , and while I was all wrapped up with my me's it was this guy that He had His Graceful Eyes fixed on .

So why am I so upset ?
How much have I missed ?

[comfy]

"For I am hard-pressed between the two, having a desire to depart and be with Christ, which is far better. Nevertheless to remain in the flesh is more needful for you." (Philippians 1:23-24)

So, Paul would have loved to leave this world and be with Christ, but he understood that we needed him here. And so, Paul went through all that suffering and trouble, in order to be here for us.

The Lord has us here so we can help people.

God bless you more, Vahn (o:

[mlg]

Psssttt vahn...guess what? God does know what He is doing. Sometimes we don't have a clue, as we don't see the big picture so we sit back and ask why me Lord? But in all reality...God has the plan, and His plan was to use you to receive glory in having this one lost sheep come home. Seek the 1 my friend. That's what it's about.

luv ya

[deetu]

"So why am I so upset ?
How much have I missed ?"

Hee hee, vahn, I think that you were all ready to out him that when it didn't happen, you felt, not betrayed... shorted. But vahn, you have come so far since I have been listening to you that those feelings will start disappearing also now that you are aware of them.
And not only that, you will look for ways to do the same thing to help others now that you know it works because God gave you the tools.

Next time, instead of thinking "I'll get him" ask God "How can WE get him" and the Lord will lead you through it without you having problems.
No more self-condemnation... if it keeps up, it's the enemy trying to get at you so tell him to leave you alone.
You asked the Lord to forgive you, He has, you learned and now you can move one.

((huggs))