Christianity Oasis Forum

[Jesusrocks]

Hi, i dont really know where to put this post, but it has been bothering me for so long now that i really need answers. So to answer it, i suppose you need to know a bit about my past.

Ok,.... a family member se*ually abus*d me for 7/8 years, and I am trying to get over it so to speak, seeing a councillor etc. But I really cant forgive him at the moment.....

In the Lords prayer, it says Forgive our sins as we forgive those who sin against us... does this mean that unless i can forgive the person who did that to me, that i myself can not be forgiven?????

[flutemusic67]

Jesusrocks, hiya

Here are some scriptures for you. I know that you probably do not want to forgive. I understand how you feel. Completely. Please know that just because you forgive someone for what they did, it does NOT mean that what they did was right or that they should not face the law for what they did.

It doesn't mean that your feelings aren't valid or you condone what they did.

It simply means that you are not allowing hate and anger rule over you. It means you are letting go of it and giving it to God. It means you are overcoming bad feelings and healing through Christ's love.

Mark 11:25-26 And when you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against any: so your Father in Heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if you don't forgive, neither will your Father in Heaven forgive you.

Matthew 18:15 If your brother sins against you, go and talk to him about it alone, and if he will hear you (make peace), you've gained your brother.

Matthew 18:21-22 Then came Peter to Him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until SEVENTY TIMES SEVEN.

Matthew 7:2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

2 Corinthians 2:10-11 To whom ye forgive any thing, I forgive also: for if I forgave any thing, to whom I forgave it, for your sakes forgave I it in the person of Christ; Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices.

Christianity Oasis has a WONDERFUL study on forgiveness. You will be amazed if you read it. I encourage you to do so. Here is the link:

http://www.christianityoasis.com/Keywor ... veness.htm

I will pray for you, Jesusrocks. God bless you and give you peace and comfort.

flute

[comfy]

Flute Music gave you good things. I'd like to share a little with this.

We forgive what *is* condemned, not what is Ok and right. What the person did to you is condemned, and so it is what you need to *forgive*, not to approve of it or excuse it.

Flute Music already made this clear in other words. Also, Flute Music gave us Mark 11:25 > my version is >

"'And whenever you stand praying, if you have
. . . . . . . . .anything against anyone,
forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.'"

So, our forgiving needs to be done in prayer. It is not just an "act", in order to make sure we get ourselves forgiven. If we are forgiving just in order to watch out for our own selves . . . this "might" not be what Jesus means. This could be a selfish motive. Worrying about yourself . . . we need to do better than this. We *care* how our Father feels, and He wants us to forgive > pleasing God is our motive > we are not going to allow some Satanic person to have power over us to decide if we do what is pleasing to our Father.

You will *need* to become able to care about and forgive that person . . . so that you become strong enough to deal with all the other evil things that people will do later in your life, and so you can help others who will have evil things done to them. If we care about ones other than ourselves, we want to be able to help them with their problems, including how they have been hurt. All of us Christians are in Jesus Christ's priesthood (1 Peter 2:5,9,21-23), we use our own experience so we can feel for and help others with how God has helped us > like how Jesus has done > Hebrews 4:15.

Now . . . the short answer to your question is, yes you must forgive if you want to be forgiven. However, we are not perfect; so you can pray forgiveness to someone, but then later get into the unforgiveness problem, again, and then you can do a *better* job of praying forgiveness and other blessing of God's love to the person, and keep doing better at this as we grow in Jesus love. So, trust God to make you able to do the best you can, now, and be encouraged that you can do even better as you grow and mature in love.

[Dora]

Jesusrocks! Love that name!

I can not add anything to the above but I can add some encouragement to reach for forgiving.

Your unforgiveness doesn't hurt the one who hurt you. It only hurts you more. It keeps you connected to that person. Forgiving them frees YOU.

It is ok to tell God you can't forgive him right now and to ask God to help you forgive him.

It's ok to tell God you don't want to forgive him and to ask God to help you want to forgive him.

It's difficult to forgive the way Christ does.

He was our example. He showed us the way. It is to our advantage to follow him.

You can do this Jesusrocks!

Something else to think about is have you forgiven yourself?

Don't we to often carry guilt as if we did something or didn't do something to cause the pain we feel inside from the abuse?

We didn't tell someone, didn't run, didn't yell, didn't fight. Or we did fight and the abuse was worse then. Could we have hid better, could we have avoided the abuser and didn't? These questions all bring guilt and shame. Though God knows we were innocent, we sometimes struggle to believe in our innocence.

Praying for you Jesusrocks. I pray you are willing to take steps towards forgiving the ones who have hurt you so deeply so that YOU can find freedom and peace.

God bless you and keep you dear one.

[flutemusic67]

Amen, pine. That was such a sweet and encouraging response.

Often, we have to work through the issues within our hearts and mind before we can even begin to think about forgiving our abuser.

It's ok. It takes time. As long as you have breath in you, it isn't too late.

God knows all about the turmoil you are going through. He knows all your thoughts. He loves you very, very much.

It's ok if you decide to forgive, then later something flares up and you are in unforgiveness again. I find myself in this position at times and have to forgive again.

Just keep trying.

God bless you with the peace, love, and joy of Jesus.