Christianity Oasis Forum

[JandSBaker2009]

Day 1: 5-3-2009

My thoughts for today:
I have made the choice to not let my past control my tomorrow and any part of my life but to do that i know that i need help. it is time for me to gain back the control that my dad took from me 18 years ago and give that control to God. it is time for me to lay it all down at the cross and walk away and not pick it back up.

My Concerns:
I am scared out of my mind. i do not want to keep reliving my past over and over again. and i am scared that if i do not do this now i never will.

Things I need to work on:
Forgiving my dad for the things he did.
Forgiving myself and come to an understanding in my heart and mind that it wasn't my fault which right now i don't know if i can do.


Day 2: 5-4-2009

The thought that satan planted in my mind;
Fear-of my dad and of men. at times this fear causes me to to fear my own husband.
Hate-for my dad because of what he did to me for 11 years and the control he still has over my life now.
guilt that i have for the fact that i didn't stand up and tell anyone so it never stopped.
Shame
i know that the thoughts are not from God but it is vary hard for me to change the way i think.

[mlg]

Hey sis, I smile to see you beginning to open up your heart to allow Jesus to heal you. You know that you are now on the path to becoming what God knows you can be. It's not gonna be easy, but it is possible. Taming the thoughts is important sis, along with the forgiveness part. Once you begin to do this, you will notice the chains beginning to break that have held you captive for so long.

Praying for ya.

luv ya

[momof3]

amen. Sis, you arent alone in this. One day at a time. We are here for you and standing in prayer for you. Im so thankful the Lord led you here to Oasis. You will find healing in the steps you are taking..healing and the strength in the Lord to forgive and walk free from this.

God bless you, sis.
in Jesus,
momo

[---]

Welcome to the Oasis and I am praise God that he has come to you and wants to help you and heal you. I will tell you that I know some of what you are talking about. My brother abused me, and I didn't say anything either. My Mom and Dad had children before they got married, and my brother was from my Dad's previous marriage. My Mom realized something was going on when I was 9 so they sent him to live with his Mom. He came back when I was 13 and it started again and continued until he was 18 and moved out. I wouldn't speak to him for years, but now that I have started on the path I have forgiven him for what he did to me. It isn't going to be easy, but with God's help you can overcome this.

I also know about the control thing because I let my ex husband control me and even now it is sometimes hard to break the cycle. With him having control it has hurt relationships I have been in, not the reason the relationships failed though. When you turn everything over to God, you will see positive changes happening in your life! Keep doing the daily step and have faith God will see you through this.

Nicole

[---]

First off it's a hard road to start healing; even more harder then saying in the pain. That is because when your in the pain you can keep your walls up. Remember there will be times you fall back into your old habit of not talking and closing up because it's safe. But remember to get back up again and give it up.

I found the hardest thing to do was to let my family about it. I can tell someone i don't even know but talking to my family and seeing the hurt on there faces hurt me even more. I remember sitting in a session with my therapist and sister and me and my sister just crying. We kept talking and kept releaving things. It was hard but brought us closer together.

It's a horrable thing what your father did to you. However, i believe that sometimes instead of someone saying there sorry or babying someone. We need someone to kick our butts out of the fear we are in. Help us move forward. Kind of tough love.

Being around man after abuse is very hard. I remember trying to avoid man at all possible. If i was in a room alone with a man or even in a crowd place i felt afriad for my life. Like i was going to be victiumized again and I wasn't going to let it happen again. Still today it is hard. I don't think i will ever be comfortable with talking to a man one on one. Maybe if i find the right guy. However, I have to change my mind set. My mind set was that most of the guys where like that and a few that where good. It was the opposite. Most guys want to protect woman and not harm them. That is what they are made for.

[Nocturnal1961]

I have forgiven my Dad for abandoning us. I have forgiven my Mom for physically, emotionally, and mentally abusing my brothers and I. I have forgiven her boyfriends that have touched me wrongly.

Forgiving mean I do not hate them or want to get even with them. What forgiveness does not do is heal the damage done. Forgiving the man that took away my viginity did not give me my virginity back. For giving my Mom for all the abuse did not make me go from feelings worthlessness to feeling of value. The feeling of worthlessness has always been a part of me. It is an effect from the abuse but I I have forgiven the abusers and therefore do not hate them.

So I do not have to deal with feelings of hatred and wanting revenge. That's what forgiveness does and does not do.

[JandSBaker2009]

Day 3: 5-5-09

Well here we go i knew it was coming and it came. Forgiveness the hardest thing i know i am going to have to do. I want to forgive so bad but almost like i don't know how to do that or what it means to forgive. i don't want my dad to think it is ok the things that he did. but at the same time i don't hate him. there is a part of me that still wants him to be my dad and show me what a real dad is like. So this is something that i am really going to have to work on.

Forgiving myself this is harder than forgiving him. i know everyone tells me that it was not my fault that i did nothing worng. but making my heart and mind believe that is hard. i know that i was a child and he was the one who was to protect me and failed to do so but could i of changed the outcome if i would of done something different. i don't know nor will i ever know.

things i need to work on:
forgiving
stop playing the "what IF" game with myself.

Things i need prayer for
1. to come to an understanding with myself that there was nothing else i could do.
2. that it was not gods fault and he was with me the whole time.
3 forgiving myself everyday if that is what it takes to do.

[---]

Forgiveness is hard. the hardness thing in my mind. However, your doing good without my advice figuring it out. Go to the bible for answers to. You are so detremend to forgive your dad. I believe you will figure it out. I don't know your whole sitution; nor will i ever. But God does. I would look at him. And when you need someone to human to talk to. We are always here. Keep posting please. You are doing so good.

[mlg]

J&S sis, it's so good to see you continuing on even through the hard part of the steps, and even through the painful times. You know sis, Jesus pushed through when He was hung on the cross. Asking God to forgive those who crucified Him. How difficult that would have been for Jesus, if He hadn't loved those people, as well as knew that it was what had to be done. Same goes for your dad and yourself. You owe forgiveness to yourself sis. Forgive as Jesus forgave those who hurt Him. Forgive and let go.

Praying for you. Keep doing the steps.

luv ya

[momof3]

amen....theres not alot i can add to what mlg has said sis. I know with me..when these thoughts and feelings of hatred and shame came up i had to decide i was going to forgive. for that moment..for that time..and each time became easier to do with the Lord's help. The hardest part is forgiving yourself. You were a child...i know in my experience i thought for years that i should never have worn a bathing suit around him...even though i did not have a woman's body at the time either. There are all kinds of things...the what ifs..that will come up. You cant change it, but you can keep going through these steps and allowing the Lord to heal you. One day at a time sis. love you and am standing with you.

in Jesus,
momo