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Day one -Blogging

Postby scootles » Fri Dec 26, 2008 5:54 pm

I guess im going to start with the things currently bothering me. Right now I feel so alone,sometimes just numb. My sonis at his grandmothers and I don't trust him being there,it bothers me. If there was something to make be believe that he will be ok and no one will harm himin anyway,I would feel better but Ihave not been convienced of that as of yet. I hated the Holidays,I dread it even coming,while evryone was rejoicing in our saviors birth,I was dreading it all.I will not put of any decorations or even a treeif my kids don't do it,one year I didn't even want to wrap the gifts.This year it was a disappointment as my daughter left as soon as she opened all her gifts and my son just threw his gifts aside not appreciating what he got for he wanted only toys.I would love an old fashioned Christmas like ITS A WONDERFUL LIFE but it never happens that way,it never lasts. No one even rembers the reason behind it.After being away from the church for about 2 years ,I was hoping that if I attended the Christmas service I would feel better about Christmas,but no one even acknowleged that Ive been gone for that long! So much for being missed,the pastor said good to see you ,glad you came,but it didnt even sound sincere.Why did I expect more? Why do I expect more?The service didn't do anything for my spirit and so it went. Now another new year with much of the same,why cant it just be diffrent for me?
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Postby mlg » Fri Dec 26, 2008 6:05 pm

awwww scootles it can *hug*

Jesus is the reason things can change. He can bring hope and joy, peace and love. I know right now things are hard, seems like your going round and round in circles, but just know that off to the side of that circle is a path, a beautiful path, and the Lord wants to take you down that path and bring happiness back.

I know your worried about your child, but know that God is there with him.

I hear you say you dread the holidays, and I know this is a tough time for you. Just know that Jesus is listening and He wants you to talk to Him, share with Him what makes you sad, happy, mad, and scared. He wants to be your best friend. He is waiting for you to reach out. Go ahead. Just reach.

Praying for you. Hope to see you in chat again soon.

*hug* luv ya
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Postby scootles » Fri Dec 26, 2008 6:09 pm

New Years eve is coming up and I just want to share it with someone<I hate being so alone.
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Postby mlg » Fri Dec 26, 2008 6:13 pm

Tell ya what, come join us in chat that night. I have a program that evening at 9 CST or 10 EST in the chatroom. Come spend time with us.

*hug*
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Postby ChildsCry » Fri Dec 26, 2008 6:21 pm

Heya Scoot! Can i call ya that? sorry you are in a world of hurt over the holidays. *Glomp2*

Do come by chat..you can hang with us on that day..(yeah mlg i stole your idea lol) anyways i do hope things start getting better for you...keep blogging too okay? *CoolBubble*

Sometimes venting or just talking yourheart out really helps...especially in the steps you are doing. Hang in there.

*childplay*
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Postby scootles » Fri Dec 26, 2008 6:34 pm

How do I do this program and move on to step 2?Do I keep blogging or isit only for one day??
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Postby Dora » Fri Dec 26, 2008 6:36 pm

Hey scootles. *hug* Glad to see you blogging. It helps to get it out and receive help from others.

I know what you mean about Christmas. I hate decorating and the putting up a tree and taking down the tree and all. This year I told my kids if they didn't decorate the tree we weren't getting one next year.

But then I realized I am just as wrong as those that have changed it to something so commercial. It is the day we celebrate the birth of our savior. Savior! The one who came to die so we can be forgiven. Now that is something to celebrate.

Everything I did this year, I didn't do for others nor myself. I did it with the mindset it was for Christ. If I lit a candle it was for Christ. If I baked a pie, it was for Christ. The entire time singing, praying, and being grateful for what he did. I kept my focus off everyone else.

The gifts I purchased for others was to them from Christ. What a difference it made. This Christmas was so much sweetier than ever before.

Someone told me a little girl was asked if she got what she wanted this year. She said no. She went on to say "But it's not my birthday is is?" :)

Those words speak a lot.

Christmas is now over. But why stop celebrating. Christ has come. Christ lived so we could know love. Christ died for us so we could receive salvation. Christ rose from the dead. Not even death has a hold on him. He has gone to prepare a place for you. He has left you a comforter. His name is Holy Spirit and he is there with you always. Seek him. Ask him to come hang out with you. You'll see things in an entirely different way after you get to know him closely. :)

Prayers scootles. Catch you in chat sometime.
*angel7* Sorrow looks back, Worry looks around, But faith looks up! Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly and trust in our Creator who loves us.
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Postby mlg » Fri Dec 26, 2008 8:06 pm

scootles the program is setup to do one step a day. But you can blog anytime you want about anything that's on your heart to share. Your blog is your own personal journal so have fun.

luv ya *hug*
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Postby bigred29 » Sat Dec 27, 2008 6:38 am

Hey there my friend Scoots!!!!!

Go back to the page you were on and save it to your favorites. Then , go back to it each day and scroll to the bottom and click on the day you are on. I recently finished this very program. I still can't get over how it has helped me. While I have ya here, look around the message board. You will find posts from folks who are going thru all sorts of trials in their life. Some of the posts may encourage you. Fell free to post your thoughts, as they my bring help to someone else. Sounds strange huh?? Trust me. It will be a great help to you to just get it off your chest. Someone may see the post you put out there and say," Hey, I'm not alone in this after all." Belive me, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!

I know He sent you here for a reason. He does nothing without a reason.It was by His Grace you found this site. It is by His Grace you are doing this program. It will be by His Grace that you will come out of it with flying colors. Like my friend Chilscry said, talk your heart out. You have lots of people here that will listen and encourage you. After all, it is by his Grace we all are here.

Let me know if I can help you in anyway. I am a great ear. I might even draw a laugh from ya too. Just hang in there.

GOD BLESS!!
bigred29
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Postby scootles » Sat Dec 27, 2008 8:36 am

You Guys are great!Thanks so much
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Postby xxJILLxx » Sat Dec 27, 2008 9:21 am

*Cheer*

Nice to meet u scootles looking forward to seeing u in chat soon!

Im so glad to see u are doing the steps. It has helped so many including myself. If u need any help call on one of us.

We will try our best to cheer u up and help u along the way.

God bless u

Yr sis in CHrist

Jill
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Postby scootles » Sat Dec 27, 2008 10:23 am

alot of what Im going thru,is comming from my childhood. It took me along time to step back and see the Truth of what was going on. My mother did her best to isolate me,but not only that but her fear of not letting me grow up and letting go was another issue.My mother alinated me from everyone. She made it so that I grew up alone. My sister who<i never understood why,raised me,took care of me and apprently we were very close,we even celebrated our birthdays on the same day.I have no memories of her but was often told this,she ran away at the age of 14,never to return.I only saw her once and that was it,after she ran away. My other sister who was in the house hold,was so abused by my mother,she was emotionally,andmentally abused as well,I do remeber alot of that,she was sent to live in a teen group home,we never got along,because I was labeld by heror so she thought,as the spoiled brat,the one my mother loved the most.But she never realized that although I wasn't abused to the extent that she was,i was often left to my own defences to figure out things,I was emotionally and mentally abused as well.Seeing what went on,not being able to stop any of it,being at the time as my sister put it an instigator or trouble maker,making my mother beat on my sister.I was defending myself in my own way. I thought if I could be on my mothers good side,nothing would happen to me,I didnt want her to beat my sister,but I didnt want to cross her either. I always thought evryone was brought up this way,I had no idea of anything diffrent,this was an everyday thing for us. My mother abused me in diffrent way usually by neglect and I had to fend for myself. My middle sister the one severly abused,gained so much weight and I felt lost it at some point in her life,she hated me and blamed me for alot. But years later after she had aduaghter herself and after years of not talking to her,I called her and I told her things that my mother did to me growing up,she didn't know alot of stuff and she also told me alot of things about my oldest sister that I either blocked out or forgot.My mother kept her past a big secret and what I know was either told to me bymy middle sister or came out when the two of them were fighting. I think this is why I have the inner feelingof beingalone so much,because it was driven into me at such an early time in my life.
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