Christianity Oasis Forum

[eph6man]

THIS IS FROM A BLOG ON MY MYSPACE, BUT THIS IS BIG, SO HUGE I HAVE TO SHARE WITH YOU GUYS. LITERALLY LIFE-CHANGING.

guys, something big has happened. ever scinse i moved here, away from greenville, i have felt distant from God. i have never lost my faith, nor done things that i regret (as most college students are infamous for doing) but i havnt been talking to God at all. its been like, God was another friend that i left behind in greenville. but over the past few days, ive been feeling closer to Him for no real reason in particular. well, there has been a reason for this, a young woman who's God-given voice has affected me, but i dont think its fair to say thats what caused this, only, it was the catalyst. just last night, something changed. as i was lead to worship Him, something inside of me snapped. all of the sudden i have never been more alive, and never felt His presence stronger in my life, which, if you know me, is saying alot. what kills me is how this seemingly has suddenly come out of nowhere, after a whole entire year of... not really ignoring Christ, but not really connecting with Him much. but suddenly now i have accended to a whole other level with Christ, something that goes beyond just being "born again." reading on past my absolute favorite verse Phillippians 3:8 (my favorite because it describes how my faith functions) we see:

"I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ-the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his rsurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the ressurrection from the dead."

lets break down that last sentence. i have always had a sort of master/slave kind of bond with Christ, while, at the same time, He is my best friend. i have always felt like we've just had this amazing ability to connect, and can understand one another through similar thoughts, without words needing to be exchanged. it is true that through one amazingly spiritual event Jesus did share with me His sufferings on the cross, which is an experience i will never forget and am eternally thankfull that i got to experience. (but thats a different story) so treating that last verse like a checklist, i got that one already. "becoming like Him in His death." well, we all die when we become saved in the first place. the old life passes away and a new life begins. when in actuallity, all salvation is, (esspecially in a physical sense which is how we christians in-general almost always view it) is nothing more then a mere verbal statement. it is only through years worth of patient trails and tests do we destroy our old lives and hammer down the foundations for our new one. but of course i speak in a merely physical, ethical, moral sense. its this last part of the verse, attaining a ressurection, is what i think happened to me, or atleast, close to it. i feel like something truely wonderful has happened to me, something that i dont think has ever happened before to anyone else, and could have maybe have only happened to me and me alone. i find it hard to find the right words to describe it, other then that it feels like i have accended to a new understanding. but then again, it goes beyond just a new mentality, or outlook on life, the way i exist has changed. all of the sudden, sins that i have struggled against for years and years, sins that i had for a long time given up on ever fighting against because it was hopeless, are gone. i cant really explain it. i didnt do anything, not even ask for forgiveness until i could feel they were already gone. its just gone. the temptation is gone. the struggle is gone. what i thought would one day turn into an epic struggle to overcome them, just vanished in the blink of an eye. ive never felt more pure and absolutely sinnless in my entire life. i feel like... Elijah being taken up into heaven and yet, im still here. the only way i know how to describe what has happened to me is, APOTHEOSIS. if you didnt know, i love to write stories and have been studying the art of storytelling for a very long time now. it is one of the many callings on life from Christ. the literal definition of apotheosis is the transference from a mortal state to a divine state of existence. but ever scinse Joseph Campbell's influence (on the field or my life, whatever) the term has been adopted into storytelling lingo (atleast by me) defining the moment of a story when the heroine becomes the person he needs to be to finish the story. the heroine is forced to accept a new mentality, power, ect. ussually through a climactic and traumatic revelation that he or she needs to complete the story. (the most prime example of the apotheosis is the famous "No, I am your father." in which Luke must face the truth to become the man he needs to be to win in the end.) because God has given me a talent for storytelling, i am a strong beliver in fate and destiny. i feel like through the process of creating a story, God has given me the chance to "take a walk in His shoes" so-to-speak. i know what it is like to craft an entire world, create characters and form plots that dont just come out of thin air, but are formed by the characters themselves, drawing upon their strengths and weaknesses and many other traits to mold the plot to where it needs to go. God does the exact same thing with every one of our lives. i know for a fact that every single one of us has purpose and reason, a destiny that we must seek out through our faith in Christ who is the only one that can lead us there. i feel like i have experienced this apotheosis. this transference of mind and soul. i am the person who i am supposed to be. i have accended to the man that Christ made me to become. i feel like, i was only a larva before, just a insignifigant form of creature pretending to host the Holy Spirit within. now i dont just feel like i have the Spirit dwelling within me, i feel like... i am Him. a piece of Him. a part of Christ Himself. it is with this new state of existence that i can now make a statement. the title of a movie, the entire purpose why God has called me to the film industry. films wasnt just a decision i made to be a part of, films, are a part of who i am. its just something that ive always known i want to do. its yet another calling of Christ in my life. ive always had this strange feeling that i know God has... things planned for me. great things. in fact, its all i can think about. one movie i know God wants me to make has a unique title (that i will never reveal how it came to me, its a secret hahaha) that deals with the story directly, the influence it will have, and now, my life directly as well. the title of this movie is more of a statement really, a bold delcaration of truth and relevancy. i have always understood the title, but now i feel like it has really become a part of me, and can acuretly become a sort-of "catch phrase" for my entire life. it plainly states in the most basic and elemental manner who i have recently become, and while, i know it is a bold statement that im sure some can dissagree with, i know it is true:

DIVINITY, I

[eph6man]

perhaps i worded that wrongly. i do understand that God and I are seperate entities, however I do feel like I have recieved something truely divine. I do not consider myself above sin itself, but against the particular sins i have struggled with for years now, I suffer not even the slightest temptation anymore. and while I may have accepted some divine quality, I still dwell within a flesh-form which carries with it the burden of sin. Even if I were to consider myself "above my sin" I would mean it in a purely mental, spiritual way.

im sorry i know i kind of get wordy when it comes to this spiritual stuff-i cant help myself, i get too caught up injust trying to describe it.