Christianity Oasis Forum

[dema]

[DicipleofJesus]

The first thing to say and understand here is that the narcissistic actions of your husband have nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with him. His inner feelings of inferiority, fear, shame and/or whatever that makes him not feel happy makes him act the way he does towards you, whether it is lacking in empathy, love, sensitivity or in any way trying to make you take the blame for what is totally his responsibility and his fault is all about him......not ever about you. So you have a reason to feel that you are going insane. It is all those DUHHHHHHHHs that come from you with his wierd declarations about whatever, blaming you for things that are his fault, lacking in love a woman has the right to expect from her husband. He has got you all confused. And he is happy because he has you mixed up and hurting. This makes him feel superior to you and thus all right. But he is not all right. he needs to get counceling, but probably won't because ,in his eyes, HE is not the problem. you are. So it is up to you to get counceling, not him. Another DUH. So it is his issues that make him act as he does. It has nothing at all to do with you. You are very well being emotionally abused. You might even be a victim of conjugal violence because of his demeaning actions towards you. But either way you will not be able to change his behavior. That is a complicated process even for a psychologist to do. So in treating you as he does he does not love his own body. There's an oxymoron like statement since he is a narcissist. But it is written in the Bible that a husband who loves his wife loves his own body. It is also written that a husband is the spiritual leader of the family. So what is he doing by showing in so many ways that he doesn't love you, cheating on you, and putting you at risk of getting a sexually transmitted disease from him. You don't know what the woman he is having sex with has or does not have. She may have AIDS. But the fact that he is cheating on you gives you ,in my view a spiritual grounds for divorce. Jesus said to the guys in his day that the only justifiable cause for divorce was adultry. this spiritual leader of yours has told you he has been cheating on you. What kind of a spiritual leader is this husband of yours?, I ask rhretorically I hope. And he is so cool and calm after committing acts of meanness a husband and spiritual leader of his mairraige would not do and driving you nuts.
You need help because he is too much for you to handle on your own, emotionally speaking. This is not a case of "don't let the sun go down on your anger." Your husband may have a mental health problem, of which narcissism is a symptom. And he has rightfully violated your trust by cheating on you, irregardless as to the existance or lack of existance of such a mental health issue, IF everything you have said about your husband is true. So I think you need professional counceling.......just as I did when I was in your position years ago. Now I am at peace. My hope is that you do whatever it takes to get that same peace.......because all this stupidity of his has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with him. And you can't fix him. It is asking too much of you, and you already are burdenned down as it is. So love yourself in a healthy way and get the needed help you need to be happy again. I hope this helps somewhat.