Christianity Oasis Forum

[Mackenaw]

Hello Whispers

God bless you this day.

The story of Job stuns me. I love The Lord, but I'm not Job. I guess I'm a wuss -- no joke, and it is a concern of mine. I confess this to The Lord, often. I wonder if I'd cave under certain conditions and circumstances. I hope and pray not, but again...I'm a wuss. I must resist the temptation to fear _____________, constantly. The Lord says to resist the devil and he will flee -- so I try my best to do that...to resist the devil/fear. And, when things go wrong, sometimes my response is anger -- because I feel blindsided and confused. Thankfully God is always faithful, even though I'm not. And, He is faithful to renew me. Thank You, Lord.

No doubt, horrible things happen...fearful things, scary things, dreadful things, disgusting things. Things that stun...things that deem to steal, kill and destroy. Lord help us.

Whispers, it's really good to see you again. It's a sweet pleasure and an inspiration to read your posts of faith in our Lord and Saviour.

God bless you,
Mack

[whispersfromabove]

Hi Mack, it's good to see you and thank you for those words. I'm just waking up, slept in really late this morning. Haven't even had my morning pepsi yet this morning.

Not sure where my head was last night, it went in its own direction. Woke up thinking maybe I need to edit out a couple of things I wrote. It was a real nice and a blessing seeing you here. I've missed talking about the end times with you. How are you doing these days?

Things job went through, I honestly can't imagine. Came very close to losing one son. That was tough and so nerve racking. For someone to lose all their children at once. I can't imagine. I'm actively in a place where I'm thankful for my past, even though I hate it so much. Its almost like a conflict of feelings eating against each other, wheww!

Now I need my morning pepsi.

Lord Bless

[dema]

It i easy to get pulled into all the wrong directions. I found myself thinking about old goofs this morning - and I stopped it. That is the devil's tool. To bring back guilt.

Working through rape is another thing entirely. It needs to be talked through. I don't know if you were raped by different people in different situations - that happens. When a child is raped, she tends to quit looking people in the eye, wears a lot of clothes or acts seductively - opposite behaviors occur in different people, slouches or sticks out her chest, and has other behaviors typical of a victim. Predators know the signs of a silent victim and they prey on them. Often the child isn't getting needed attention and is looking for a safe source of attention. Predators will pose as that safe source. You've heard about the stories of puppies and so forth.

Anyway, what ends up happening is that the child tries everything to not be noticed and not be a victim again, but that is exactly what the predator knows the child is doing. And that she won't tell - or that she won't be heard if she does tell.

So it happens again.

I have gotten very mad at God about this. That this exists. That we live in a world with this. God seems to be very patient and kind about my anger.

My own personal experiences weren't that bad - but beware, that is the sign of refusing help to say that. It is so common for survivors to say that their experience wasn't that bad. They weren't gang raped during war. They didn't die from it - people can get pretty ridiculous about what they say isn't that bad.

Actually, I think some of what I went through was awful and yet I am amazed when I realize that I am still so changed by it. Things that logically don't seem like they would have affected my life so deeply, definitely did. I did work through it - and I took a lot of time working through it. I had various sources of help.

I had a series of friends help me on a daily basis while I went to a professional on an as needed basis and also did a lot of research on not only what happened to me, but what happened to others and how it affects them. I am a research nut. Doing research on what bothered me was great for my personality. We are all different.

Marital abuse, sexual abuse, watching others be abused and not being able to help all damage a person. They also make us more compassionate and moldable. God can use it to good.

But it still makes me very angry that God allows such ugliness.

[whispersfromabove]

It’s good that you have had a series of friends to help you. I have had a couple of online friends in the past. There has been my pastor, his wife and our youth minister. No one else, very few people outside of some family no one knows my past. I keep quite about it, if it wasn’t for the youth pastor and the pastor taken notice something was wrong. They would have never found out. I don’t let anyone take pictures of me and much of the time I keep to myself. Get along with everyone and people tends to come up to me anyways just to talk, but I get to myself soon as I can. Always sit up front in church so whenever I’m having trouble with anxiety or something I don’t have to see everyone who’s there, I can’t stand taking any xanax’s or any other nerve pill before going to church. It’s crazy.

When I found myself mad at God, it felt so wrong and I struggled with it. Deep down I knew there is a reason why God didn't stop things and allowed things to happen. Though I still struggle with bling myself and all still know deep down there is much more I’m not in understanding of. Something I think about at times, if not for Jesus having that power to present me holy and blameless before the Father, I'd be going to help right along with everyone else. And that includes murders, rapist, all the child predators out there. I have forgiveness in Christ and everyone else can too if they seek the Lord and His forgiveness, even the worst child predator or rapist can be forgiven and found holy and without blame before the Father in Christ. This world and the devil they have away of shaping a person through out someone’s life. God is able to reshape us into the person He knows we can be. Just no everyone will turn to Christ.

[whispersfromabove]

Oops, not quite sure how I posted that twice!

Was only trying to edit a mistake. So sorry

[dema]

My point is that God can handle your anger. He understands it. The Psalmists got angry at God and the work was chosen for the Bible. It wouldn't be in the Bible if it wasn't important.

Guilt can be good for about 2 minutes. After that it just separates us from God. The goal is to not be separated from God.

If you want to talk more, you can PM me. There are various ways to get there. Look for the initials PM.

The need to not see people and so forth tells me that maybe you could benefit from talking. It is up to you. Other signs of needing more talk are if you trigger often and the results are significant. Trigger means that something random sets you off and causes an out of proportion emotional reaction of any kind. I still trigger, likely always will. But it takes 10 minutes of being alone and I am fine. And triggers in public don't happen or are slight. The fear comes back when I am alone with my husband and he does or says certain things.

If you are having unmanageable triggers you might want to talk. I am not a therapist. Therapists can be excellent. I like the combination of friend and therapist. A friend can talk to you for a couple of hours every week for free. . And she can tell you about other people or herself or just talk to you about recipes and gardening tricks. It doesn't have to be about you every minute. Sometimes what you need is to be able to be vulnerable and just be - knowing that the other person knows and still loves you.

Therapists are trained. I went to a number of them in my life for different reasons - I was a foster mom and went with my foster daughter, for example. What I found is that therapists are people too. And styles are different. I want one who will interrupt me when I say something interesting and explain it to me. That would drive some people nuts. I really feel like I've wasted my money when they sit and nod and then recommend a book at the end. Some people want that. Mine called me when I hadn't visited for a while just to ask me how I was doing and some questions about my life - no charge. I felt loved.

Anyway, it sounds to me a little like your onion needs to lose another layer. But it is up to you. There is a PM button on the top and on some screens there is a PM button under the name of the person.

[dema]

Oh, I forgot,

[whispersfromabove]

Sometimes I think I talk to much, . Other times not enough. I'm on my way out to my mom's, she is in the middle of having a bad episode. It would br confronting to know others are saying a prayer. I'll be back probably tuesday.



Thank you for your words and understanding.

[dema]

[Mackenaw]

Prayers are rising to our Lord in the name of Jesus, on behalf of you and your Mom. God's will be done.

God bless you, Whispers.
Love,
Mack

[whispersfromabove]

Thank you Dema and Back for the prayers. She is just a little woman and she was outside taking down some under pending in the back of her house. Most of the under pending is brick. If she had access to a sledge hammer I think she would busted up some bricks. . She said dome older girl was after and chased her granddaughter under the house and she was trying to get to her. The granddaughter she thought was in trouble is 2 yrs old.

As bad as it is and it is heart breaking to but some of the things that happens can be so funny.

[dema]

She certainly has an active imagination. Does she see the children a lot? Do they do okay with her? Sounds like they are very important to her. Maybe she misses them and is channeling it this way?

I know dementia can't be explained. But dreams can. And it seems almost like she's living a dream.

Anyway, I know you are totally challenged with all this.