Christianity Oasis Forum

[melilee]

Hi to anyone reading,
First time posting here.I have been married to an unbeliever for 20 years and it is really taking its toll on my emotional and spiritual life lately. I was saved at a young age and raised in a wonderful Christian home by missionary parents but after high school, I wanted to do my own thing for a while and ended up getting married to a man who was not a Christian at a young age. He has been a good husband and father to our 4 girls but I have been feeling really low lately, especially when around his unsaved family. My parents were not happy that I married him but have been totally loving and supportive to all of us. I would love to hear from others who are in a similar situation with an unsaved spouse. I am trying to get a degree and I work full time and feel stuck between the decision to get more education and have more time with family and church groups. He sometimes goes to church with us until football season hits and then that is #1 in his life. Just trying to be less judgmental and love him despite of the things we disagree on.

Thanks for your input,
Mel

[dema]

It is what it is. It isn't what you want it to be. Wishing can make you profoundly unhappy.

I've talked about this before and I think that I impressed people as being fatalistic or depressed. But it isn't like that.

It is more like Apollo 13 - they were up there in space and they had what they had. The scientists in the room took what the astronauts had and made it work. If you sit and wish that only you had thought ahead or only you had constructed things differently, then you aren't working with what you have.

So, your husband is what he is. Sounds like he's good at being what he is. You can pray for him and perhaps God will gradually change his heart. It is sweet that he goes to church with you when he doesn't believe. Opens doors. If you push him, it will make it less likely that he will be cooperative. Pushing brings up resistance.

And so, given what you have, where you are - what does God most want you to do? Pray, and listen for the peace. Write out your choices and pray over them, and wait for the peace. It is about you doing what God wants you to do, given, you are where you are and it is what it is.

This really is not fatalistic - it is pragmatic and keeps from wasting a lot of time and energy on what if's, if onlies and it isn't fairs. And it tends to make things more peaceful for others as well.

[melilee]

Thanks for your thoughts. I struggled for 10 years just to know that I was forgiven for being unequally yoked with a non-believer. I know I could spend the rest of my life living in the past so for now I am just trying to move on and be a Christian influence in my kids' life so they don't repeat my mistakes. God really can do miracles in our lives so I will continue to pray for that and let a sweet, small voice do the talking instead of cramming things down people's throats or judging them by Christ's standards when that person has never accepted them personally. Great things to remember.

[dema]

God loves you right now. As you are. Where you are. God loves you sooooo much.

[BreMo]

This much I know is the Truth, none of us can change one thing without Father God. As a Believer and His child, we are to always turn to Him and lift up our cares to Him in prayer. Going it alone just does not bring Blessings into our lives. Your husband can change to become a Believer! Nothing is impossible with Christ Jesus. We are never to doubt our Lord Jesus in what He can do for us. Do you know we form our lives by the words we speak? Just keep talking to our Lord Jesus, just like you would talk to your parents, Lord Jesus is not big on repetitive fancy schmancy prayers. LOL! just good conversation.
Father God already knows your situation, but, He wants you to be faithful, in trusting Him to help you to bring your husband to the foot of the Cross of Jesus to repent and get made right before Him. Allow for Father God to do His Supernatural work. Be a light to your husband by living a good loving example of Faith with humility. Patience is a virtue and a requirement of a Believer. Father God's timing is not our timing. His plans are not our plans. Always, always, think positive thoughts. Satan will always try to come into your mind to steal and destroy your Faith, your Trust. Put on the full Armor of God, His Word,
Plant it in your heart so that it comes out your mouth. Be Blessed!