Christianity Oasis Forum

[blueshine]

I wonder if is posible to overcome the abscense of love´s mother and father?.
I never receive attention or demostration of love from my parents or brothers. I did not receive phisical abuse, but I was ignore all the time. When I was teenager I envolved in hundred things, studies, hobbies, and did very good in most of them.. I always thought that maybe they will be happy for me… but it never happend… they never be with me in any situation.. I cried alone all the time, and be alone all the time..
Today I am 43 year old. Some years ago I was extremelly depressed as I finished a relationship and lost my job. I was enable to have any relationship… always very depresed feeling so alone, and very upset all the time for the things my parents never did.
Seven year ago I knew Jesus and He help me to stand up. From them, my life has been like a roller coaster, some times I feel full of faith, very sure that I can forgive my parents and brothers and trusting that God could give me a partner to share my life and be up all the time.. but… as I am continue alone, I fall again and again, and again..
I feel that my heart is used to the pain… I think that Jesus help me so much, as I did not think any more in suicide, but I am not able to have any relationship… I permanently with pain in my heart, althought I am Christian, I teach about Jesus.
I know that Jesus is the only way. I am in Him. That is not questionable..
But, ¿it is posible to be happy without receiving any love for any human being?
I know that I have a big problem, as I never receive love, I do not know how to love or how to receive love… so is like there is not hope for me..
So, again.. my question for somebody, preferably, if she o he had passed for similar situation as mine, is:
¿Could be possible overcome the abscense of mother´s and father´s love?
¿Could be possible to feel happy without feeling love from any human being?
I will be glad if I can find anyone who could share me a reply.

God bless you.

[dema]

I am so sorry for your pain. I am so glad that you found Jesus. I do know a lot about isolation and ... there is a clinical name for it. I never seem to remember that name. I am not a counselor.

There was an experiment at an orphanage in the 1800's by a famous scientist. A ward of children was to not be given any attention for a year other than what was necessary to meet their needs. Within a year, every child had died. The scientist was filled with guilt and sadness. There was not a great epidemic or anything.

We need human contact. And you still need it. And it is possible. But you have never been taught how to have it or how to receive it. And you likely don't know anything about the way people communicate with body language and eye contact.

Do you go to church? Many churches can make you feel worse without meaning to. There is a church culture and people expect you to know and abide by it. But if you don't know - then they can make you feel so very, very alone. There are big non-denominational churches where this isn't as true. You might try attending a very large church. Arrive a little late. But as you leave, say hi to someone. And increase it. So you are saying hi to lots of people eventually. As it goes on, people may actually talk to you. Sometimes the easiest way to handle that is to ask them a question - do they have children? How old are they? Or even just how are they?

A very difficult thing may be for you to look people in the eye. That is very, very important. You might try looking strangers in the eye for practice. Just for an instant. You won't quite make it at first. But if you keep trying, you will manage.

People really cannot read your soul through your eyes. You may think they can when you have been hurt or embarrassed, but they can't. They may read unhappiness. But that's all they can tell - that you are unhappy or happy or a few other things. They cannot read details. They won't know that you have had misery.

When you don't look people in the eye, THEN they think you are bad. That you are trying to hide. That you have something very bad to hide. It is the opposite of what you think and feel. The successful con men know just how to look in people's eyes. The really evil men that trap and hurt people, they look in people's eyes. People don't think the right thing. People think the eyes tell secrets - but they don't. Eyes pretending to tell secrets tell big lies.

Learning to be still and look a person in the eye just for the count of 1 makes a big difference as to whether people like you. You really don't want to hold their gaze long at all. Just as long as the word "hello", then you can look away. But for the length of that word, you should be able to be still and not move your feet or your hands other than to shake hands, and you shouldn't look away until after that little bit of time.

I hope that helps to let you have a little bit of human contact. You also might try holding doors open for people with packages or small children. They will glance at you and you can look at them just that bit when they say thank you.

Also, somebody looking at you longer and trying to make conversation is just them being nice. It isn't a big deal. Sometimes when you are lonely, stuff like that can seem like a big deal. But it isn't to most people.

Do be careful. Don't go help some guy at his car. Don't carry his packages for him. Don't go where there aren't a lot of people. It is really easy to get carried away. Be safe. Listen to your inner self. Don't trust people too much.

When you have been isolated, you tend to have a hard time looking people in the eyes, you may walk with a stoop, you may not be aware of what is going on around you, and you may wear too many clothes. Bad guys know this and they know tricks to play on you. So, try to be aware, and try to walk straight. And do not go to places where bad things could happen. Remember that bad people lie. And bad people are the best at looking like they are good. Bad people are the best at making you feel good when you barely know them. So, don't take risks. Keep it safe.

You can learn to look a person in the eye and shake hands at a big church. You can learn to hold doors open at a busy mall. And that little bit of being with people will make you feel better.

[faithfulladybug]

Hello blueshine,
I'm so sorry to hear about your past. It's never easy when there is such saddness from the past.
But I wish for you and I pray that you will find love, affection and your way of both accepting it, giving it and sharing it.
God Bless!
FaithfulLadybug

[Dlias Felixia]

Greetings to blueshine, n all sisters!

I notice that loneliness is a real problem to all human beings,i do understand how it feels to be lonely, like you, having no one to talk to you, cherish you like pearls, showing friendliness and love... For i have passed through the same situation like you.
Even though we do have holy spirit in ourself, have Jesus Christ on our side, we love and still need that human contact.

Blueshine, i encourage you to pray to God to strengthen you, because he is the only best and truthful friend you can have forever, never leaving your side, ask him to come and visit you. You know, God is near you within your heart waiting for you to open the door and let him come. All here, we are your friends, when you feel like, contact anyone of us!

In the bible, Lord says that even your parents may abandon you but he will never abandon you. In the book of Psalms.

Be blessed and keep faith, sister!!

[faithfulladybug]

Glory to God!

[Dlias Felixia]

Dear ladyfaithfull bug,

The glory belongs to Jesus Christ only. For i am just a simple and rather be humble. I mean you are not flattering me, of course but let's say that it is not me who is speaking but Jesus Christ himself. Thanks!


Our God is the greatest and above all things!

[blueshine]

I thank you very much for your reply.
I really thank you.
I fight everyday to be stable. I must to be praying to feel ok. Today I just pray that Jesús be my all, I pray that He could full my heart, I pray to be truly in love with Jesús and do not feel that I need anything else.

I do not have job, so that is adding to the tensión.

I really appreciate your prayers for me.

I want to love Jesús, I want to do the will of God.

thank you again

[blueshine]

I thank you very much for your reply.
I really thank you.
I fight everyday to be stable. I must to be praying to feel ok. Today I just pray that Jesús be my all, I pray that He could full my heart, I pray to be truly in love with Jesús and do not feel that I need anything else.

I do not have job, so that is adding to the tensión.

I really appreciate your prayers for me.

I want to love Jesús, I want to do the will of God.

thank you again

[Dlias Felixia]

Hmm, pray to Jesus Christ to create a job where it has no employement. Then i'm sure that you'll find your job Because he has 1000 ways for solving your problem! Again in Psalms!