Christianity Oasis Forum

[jessicarose6]

I am back. I am glad to say that the storm that I thought was going to come down on me never happened. I was absolutely positive that I was going to be in so much trouble, but nothing happened! There is a small chance that I could still get in trouble, but it's been over a week, so I'm thinking that I'm in the clear. And that is amazing!

I prayed so hard, because I was having such a hard time, and maybe God saw that. He saw that I was struggling and I needed help. So he granted my prayers. Like one my favorite quotes ever, It was then that I carried you. <3

I have realized that ever since I restored a relationship with God, ever since I started this counseling, good things have been happening to me. Some small hardships come too, but not like before. Back when God wasn't in my life, I faced hardships on a daily basis, and spiraled out of control. But now that I have been renewed, and have so much faith and trust in God, good things are finally starting to happen for me. And it is an amazing feeling, it truly is. To know that God is actually helping me, I feel like it's his way of forgiving me for my problems and mistakes. Even if it takes me a little longer to forgive myself.

I think that since it's the Holiday season, my relationship with God will become even stronger! Because I just LOVE Christmas time and the season of giving. I've been looking into some volunteering, and there are so many ideas I have for Volunteer projects! I don't know how I would go about making them happen though. I have sponsored a child in need for Christmas, to get her a Christmas present. I have already bought it and I really think she is going to love it! I may have went a little overboard, but if this child is only getting one present, I want it to be an amazing present! All I have to do is wrap it and make it look pretty!

Learning about the Holy Spirit was very interesting. Growing up in Catholic school, they never ever really talked about the Holy Spirit the way the stepping stone did. It's hard to understand that God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are the same person, but you have to talk to each of them, in different situations. You talk to Jesus as a friend, that one I really like doing, because it's so much easier to talk to him that way. But the Holy Spirit, you have to ask him for guidance and to help you with your problems. To ask him to fill your life. I still have to look and see what that program is, for the Holy Spirit, but I am going to ask the Holy Spirit to watch over me and guide me everyday, and maybe I will see little gestures, or situations, where I will say, " That was the Holy Spirit. He is here." Unless, that is not how it works. Like I said, I need to look at the program.

When I was talking about my "friends" earlier, I was right. I have not seen my friends in more than two weeks now. Simply because they never ask me to hangout. One of them does ask every once in a while, but we never actually do. I want to hangout with them, and basically do nothing. But literally all they ever do is drink and do drugs. That part of my life is OVER. I am completely done doing that. Drinking is fine every once in a while, but doing it every single weekend is excessive! Almost everyone I know my age goes out drinking every single weekend! To me that just sounds like a drinking problem. I don't like to drink that much, it does nothing for me. That's why I can't understand why my friends always want to get drunk. It's so annoying!! There is more to life than alcohol and drugs. This is probably the only reason why we don't hangout anymore. Plus they never ask me to, so that makes me think that they just don't want me around. How am I to know, unless I ask them? But me and my best friend fight so much. And I think she's to the point where she doesn't even want to fight. We are just slowly going our own ways. That is how it has to be.
Because if you can't sit and do nothing and have fun without drugs/alcohol with your best friend, then they really aren't your friend. I'm just sick of making an effort to being her friend, when she makes no effort to be mine.
I really don't think any of them really care about me.
And it really sucks, because now I have no friends. I have no one to go out and do stuff with because everyone I know is an alcoholic and all they want to do is drink! How am I supposed to find new friends?? Friends that don't obsess over drinking?

It's really hard. And honestly, I am just fine being by myself. That's probably not good. I hangout with my family a lot. There's nothing wrong with that. But everyone needs friends, and now I just don't know what to do. That's why I have been hanging on to these people who aren't my real friends. Because I would rather have crappy friends than no friends. But I'm done with them. I'm done with it. It's way past time to let them go.

But now I have no friends, and I just don't know what to do.... maybe if I pray on it, God will tell me what to do.

God Bless,
Jessica

[jessicarose6]

I'm back. I'm glad to report that I never did face the horrible amount of trouble I thought I was in... It could still happen, but I'm praying that it won't.

Stepping stone 12 is very different. It's about falling, and that it's okay to fall. But when I think of falling, I think of losing all my strength, completely giving up, just not caring, basically breaking down and having no faith.

But I don't think that's what they mean when they say "fall". They mean if you stray away from living like Jesus. When you are tempted to sin, and you may actually sin. That is falling? It makes sense. I just think of it differently. Growing up in a Catholic church, I know the obvious sins, what you aren't supposed to do, and some maybe not so obvious. But in a world like today, there is so much sin in the world that is accepted, like the passage says. How are we to know if a commercial is tempting us to sin? Where are the fine lines between evil and okay? I'm sure there are plenty of examples. But they sounded so specific in the passage, and it just makes me wonder exactly what kinds of sin they want us to refrain from. I'm sure if you read the bible, or researched, you would find that almost everything is a sin. Is drinking a sin? I've even heard that getting piercings or tattoos is a sin!!! I can kind of understand that your body is a temple and you are " destroying it" or something like that, but it's just a hole. A hole that could eventually go away. And tattoos may be permanent, but it is art and it is symbolic. Lots of people get quotes from the bible tattooed or crosses. I have two tattoos, does that make me a bad person? I want to get a cross tattoo also. On my wrist, that way every time I look at my hand, I am reminded that i am not alone, and that God is always with me. Isn't that a good thing? I'm not sure about tattoos and piercings being sins.

I am still strong with my faith and belief. I just need to work on actually talking to God and the Holy Spirit more often. Is it bad that I "forget". I get so caught up in LIFE. In a world where God is a choice, not a gift. In a world where no one cares if you are Christian, they just want something from you. We all have burdens, but we should always have time for God, and that is what I need to work on most.

I've still not seen my "friends" in weeks. I am sad to say that I actually think we are done being friends. I don't have time in my life for negative, selfish people anyways. They can go down the wrong path if they want, but they are not dragging me with them.

As for my life, I have never been so lost. I have so many dreams and passions and things I want to achieve. But I just don't know how to start. I don't know where my life should start. I do still really want to join the Peace Corps, but I do have reservations. Because that's two years of my life I will be away from my family. it's a big decision. There is so much I will miss out on, but at the same time, I know that I want to be somewhere that I am needed, somewhere I can help people and they will appreciate me. I want to meet new people and experience new things. I do believe that right now would be the best time to go. Before I start school. Because once I'm done with school, I will want to get a job right away, I won't want to go away after school. So I should go now, but I just have no idea how to convince my mom that this is something I really really want to do. This was chosen for me! She is the most close-minded person I've ever met so when I say that I want to do this, she will say absolutely not. It's dangerous. You can't do it. You'll hate it. I can hear her now, but i've been putting it off: telling her. I am just so terrified at what she will say. Plus it has to be the perfect time to tell her.

Next week, I'm hopefully going to talk to a recruiter and have some questions answered, so that way I will have a ton of information and then I can finally talk to my mom!

I'm so sorry that my post is so long. To me, this is like a journal and I can just pour all my thoughts and feelings in it! Plus I really feel better after writing all this. So if you read this, thank you. And God Bless You.

Much Love,
Jessica