Christianity Oasis Forum

[ruthgoddaughter]

Ive been having counselling and i have been diagnosed with mental health issues which caused me to behave in a wrong way i have had experiences which caused me pain..the counsellor said i need to learn how to forgive myself and others..but how?!! Ive lost myself i have depression and other issues..hope someone can guide me as im lost

[dema]

Forgiveness is letting go. God sent his Son to die for our sins so that we wouldn't have the shame and blame anymore. When we accept Jesus, we accept the sacrifice. We accept that he took our sins and paid for them.

So, you are forgiven. You are forgiven by God. And that should help you to let go. Because your sins are not counted against you.

But sometimes horrible things were done. And letting go of that isn't easy. And you may need to let yourself grieve and be angry for a while before you can do that. You do need to grieve for a while, and be angry for a while if someone did something awful to you.

I want you to realize - forgiving is letting go. It is giving to God what was always his anyway. That's forgiving.

Forgiving isn't milk and cookies with the person who hurt you. It is just letting go.

I hope that helps.

[JulieAnn]

Hi Ruth, You're heading in the right direction when you look towards 'forgiveness'. Forgiveness releases US. We do it out of obedience to God's command. Feelings will not always play a role in us choosing to forgive others or ourselves. So, we do so by faith: faith in knowing God commands us to, faith in remembering how much He has forgiven us of, faith in His word which promises us freedom. Freedom from what? From tormentors. When we refuse to forgive, we remain in sin, and our sin is not forgiven. Un-forgiveness gives satan a legal right to 'torment' us and keep us in bondage. (Matthew 18)Basically, you will lack joy and peace until it is taken care of. Oftentimes, forgiveness is an 'act of faith' which must be done when the feelings to do so aren't there. When the 'feelings' of un-forgiveness creep in, we continue to take it to the Cross, in faith, choosing to forgive, and trust God to remove it. Eventually, the feelings truly do follow! And you will experience His joy and peace, which passes all understanding. One thing I would suggest is to look up scriptures on "forgiveness", and begin to meditate on them. Faith comes by hearing the Word of God. Forgiveness is God's Best for you, for us!

[dema]

So true, Julie Ann. So true.

[ruthgoddaughter]

Thank you Both for your replies...your replies have given me some things to ponder..may god bless you both. Ruth

uote="JulieAnn"]Hi Ruth, You're heading in the right direction when you look towards 'forgiveness'. Forgiveness releases US. We do it out of obedience to God's command. Feelings will not always play a role in us choosing to forgive others or ourselves. So, we do so by faith: faith in knowing God commands us to, faith in remembering how much He has forgiven us of, faith in His word which promises us freedom. Freedom from what? From tormentors. When we refuse to forgive, we remain in sin, and our sin is not forgiven. Un-forgiveness gives satan a legal right to 'torment' us and keep us in bondage. (Matthew 18)Basically, you will lack joy and peace until it is taken care of. Oftentimes, forgiveness is an 'act of faith' which must be done when the feelings to do so aren't there. When the 'feelings' of un-forgiveness creep in, we continue to take it to the Cross, in faith, choosing to forgive, and trust God to remove it. Eventually, the feelings truly do follow! And *Prayou will experience His joy and peace, which passes all understanding. One thing I would suggest is to look up scriptures on "forgiveness", and begin to meditate on them. Faith comes by hearing the Word of God. Forgiveness is God's Best for you, for us![/quote]

[dream1004]

I'm struggling the same problem of forgivenes..... I can forgive someone who hurted me in the past, but how can I forgive if he/she doesn't change and keeps doing the same thing ?

[dema]

Forgiveness is letting go. Giving to God what is God's. Relinquishing your spiritual right, which you don't have anyway, to punish.

You can remove yourself from the situation, tell the person goodbye, prosecute a crime - and be Biblical in doing any of it. If there is a crime and the other person is a Christian then you are supposed to get intervention and give the person the opportunity to correct things.

People misinterpret forgiveness. Holding a grudge is not forgiveness. Gossiping and saying mean things is not forgiveness. Having a feud is not forgiveness.

However, setting limits is good and right. And having consequences for crossing the line is good and right.

I don't know if you are talking about a husband who is having affairs or a neighbor who keeps borrowing and breaking your stuff. The second one is easy - don't loan any stuff. Forgiving means letting the past go. But it doesn't mean being stupid and loaning her more stuff. So, tell her that you are sorry, but you really value your possessions and you value her as a neighbor, but that you won't be loaning anything again. And then maybe take her some cookies or something and still wave when you see her and so forth. But no matter what, you don't loan her anything else. That is the wise course.

A husband? Well, a husband who cheats is another situation. If he continues to cheat, then ..... There is a lesson on Divorce on this site that is excellent. It has to do with whether the marriage was consecrated by God.

So, it depends. Parents? Depends on the situation. Honoring them doesn't mean letting them punch you in the nose.

Forgiveness doesn't mean you subjecting yourself to continued pain from a person who won't change. It does not. It means not harboring bad stuff in your heart about them. Move away from the pain, and then let it go to God.

[dream1004]

My problem is that I can't control my resentment of what my husband does. He never admits he was wrong, neither cares if what he does hurts me so much. If only he apologizes, it would be easier to let everything from the past go, but it is hard to simply forget the things he does over and over.

[dema]

Is he rude? Or punching your lights out? Have you read men are from Mars? Sometimes women expect things that aren't realistic for men and vice versa. A man doesn't want to listen regularly, but he needs to learn. A woman doesn't want to give a man space, but she needs to learn. It takes effort on both parts. There are ways of asking. If you ask if he CAN do something he will get offended. He may tell you yes meaning he is able not that he will. Reading that book will likely have you thinking nuh uh. No way. But a man well tell you, of course. Why not. And vice versa. I really recommend it if the issues are not helping, not paying attention and going off alone. Of course if they are other things then this may not apply.

[dream1004]

I read this book and I attended some marriage counseling that explains the differences between men and women but our situation is more than that.
He is very selfish and verbally abusive. It is like he has two faces: when we are with friends he is very nice with them and treats me very well but as soon as we get home he changes his behavior.
He says that he would never leave me but for his attitude I think that he wants to possess me more than he wants to love me.

[clark thompson]

Ive been having counselling and i have been diagnosed with mental health issues which caused me to behave in a wrong way i have had experiences which caused me pain..the counsellor said i need to learn how to forgive myself and others..but how?!! Ive lost myself i have depression and other issues..hope someone can guide me as im lost

The Lord is an expert in forgiveness and thru Him all things are made possible.