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CHRISTIAN HUSBANDS, ARE WE GUILTY OF ABUSE?
Written By: Brother Jerry H. Miller

Dear Fellow Christian Husbands,

This is an essay, not a Bible study or a sermon. In this essay I am going to speak my mind in love, and I believe what I have to say in Biblically based.

To many of us Christian men have taken the Scripture's commandment that our wife is to be submissive to us way out of context! In no way or no where does the Bible teach that our wife is to be treated like a slave or even as one of our children. While we are commanded to discipline our children, We are not told to discipline our wife. That is God's duty!

As A Matter Of Fact, We Husbands, As Representatives Of Christ In Our Marriage, Are To Be The Servant - Leaders Of Our Wife.

Ephesians 5: 25-33 ~ And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by baptism and God's word. F10 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife. 29 No one hates his own body but lovingly cares for it, just as Christ cares for his body, which is the church. 30 And we are his body. 31 As the Scriptures say, "A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one." F11 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (New Living Translation)

Ask yourself if you are like Jesus in His dealings with His disciples. Did he not wash His disciple's feet? Did He not minister to their needs? Did He not come to their rescue when they were in trouble? Did He not take them aside and give them a time of rest when they were weary?

And what about how He presently ministers to His Church? Isn't He always ready to offer the church His full attention? Hasn’t He promised to always comfort us? Did He not tell us to feel free to come into His presence to express our request? Does He not intercede with the Heavenly Father for our needs? Did He not love us enough to give up His life for our needs, suffering one of the cruelest forms of death imaginable? Hasn't He promised to never leave or forsake us? Has He ever made us a promise that He hasn't kept? Did He not say that He came to minister to others and not the other way around?

Our wife is not our servant, our child, or a "second class human." She is our help mate. She is "one flesh" with us. Our wife is not placed in our life to fulfill our whims!

Husbands, I am warning you: if you don't treat your wife with love, tenderness, compassion, gentleness, dignity, and respect, you are a failure at being a Christ- like man. You WILL harm your relationship with your wife, and she will lose all respect and trust in you.

If We Do Not Treat Our Wives As Jesus Instructs Us Too, We Are Guilty Of Abuse.

1 Timothy 5:3-16 - Honour widows that are widows indeed. 4 But if any widows have children or nephews, let them learn first to shew piety F7 at home, and to requite their parents: for that is good and acceptable before God. 5 Now she that is a widow indeed, and desolate, trusteth in God, and continueth in supplications and prayers night and day. 6 But she that liveth in pleasure is dead while she liveth. 7 And these things give in charge, that they may be blameless. 8 But if any provide not for his own, and especially for those of his own house, F8 he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

If We Don’t Love Our Wife, Children, and other family members and provide for them as we should, in the sight of God we are committing a horrible sin; so serious He devotes a lot of attention to teaching us about it extremely thoroughly.

Let Me Very Clear, We Are Instructed To Love Our Wives. Let Me Return Back To Ephesians 5: 25

Verse:25, And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up his life for her

Verses 28-29, In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife. 29 No one hates his own body but lovingly cares for it, just as Christ cares for his body, which is the church.

Sadly, many Christians love their congregation and their pastors far more than they do their wives. They certainly love themselves more than they do their wife and their family. Does that please God? I don’t believe so.

I list here what Christian wives say they NEED from their husbands. You may choose to learn from it, or disregard it. But it is my strong opinion that if you disregard it, you will hurt yourself in the long run.



“HELPER HINTS” SUBMITTED BY WIVES:
(Not listed in any particular order. This list ways shared with me by someone in the past. Who, I don’t remember.)

1) Be my best friend.
2) I need to know you call my name in your prayers
3) Hold me when I cry.
4) Show and tell me that you love me often, and leave no doubt about it in my mind.
5) Show me your approval when I make a decision that is good.
6) Talk to me about what’s important to you and to me.
7) Listen to me and don’t treat me like I am stupid and don’t know anything.
8) I need intimacy, and not just sexually. Anyone can have sex, but it takes a real man to be intimate,
9) Make me feel wanted and trusted in the things I can do for you.
10) Don’t try to make me like your mother.
11) Remember that I am your “Help Mate.” I am not someone to be stomped on and just used for your “whims.”
12) Understand that I like to have our family near and want all relationships to be what God intended.
13) Comfort and hold me.
14) Be a one woman man.
15) Take the spiritual lead in giving me (and our children) direction and guidance.
16) Ask me for my help – it is good to be regarded as a helper and useful.
17) Make appropriate adjustments to your lifestyle and preferences as a married / family man.
18) Treat me with love and respect in the company of others.
19) Show appreciation and affirmation.
20) Tell me you love me often, even if you think I should already know this.
21) Show affection for no “reason” at all.
22) Make me feel as though I am still desirable.
23) Be devoted to caring, giving protection, and affirming your love.
24) Encourage me to realize my goals, and don’t put me down for trying something new.
25) Try to understand how I feel and listen to me when I try to tell you something that is important to us or that is hurting us.
26) Admit your mistakes.

LET ME CLOSE WITH THIS WARNING GIVEN BECAUSE I LOVE YOU CHRISTIAN MEN. I want you to be blessed of God and to have a life time of a wonderful marriage and a great family life.

Men, we really need to straighten up!
Brother Jerry H. Miller