Christianity Oasis Forum

[RainaSkye]

I don't even know what to say......I'm afraid to say too much and afraid to say too little.....

I am just NOT GOOD at all......My past is attacking me....present things are attacking me....satan is attacking me....

I am trying to do something I believe God wants me to do....so I am trying to hold onto the fact that I'm being attacked to get me not to do it....however it's only making me want to do it more (the thing for God)......

I'm trying to go to church every chance I get....been reading some scriptures but suppose I should read more...I have been listening to some kind of christian music almost all day long...trying to sing and worship....I pray...even though some of them are short desperate pleas.....

I really dont even want to be telling everyone who reads this what is going on, or how I'm feeling....I really don't....I want to just keep it to myself and just be alone....like normal....however this thing I believe God wants me to do....my desire to do it, and to serve Him.....is so strong....and I feel so utterly weak right now, I feel like I can only try to reach out and hope and pray for prayers....and hope and pray for God to move soon....

I'm not in a good place.....and I have somewhere to go, but no way to get there yet....so desperately needing provision....desperately.....I am weak and exhausted emotionally, physically and spiritually....I think I'm living life minute to minute right now, and even that is hard...I feel bound up in chains, laden with cement...basically the weight of the world bearing down upon me...I am breaking....breaking hard...breaking fast....I'm trying to desperately cling to God.....but at the same time wonder why He or I let my life get this far.....I guess that was probably my fault....I feel so alone...so misunderstood...so invisible...I don't think anyone gets how pathetically weak I am....how on the edge I am...how many times I hurt myself...how many times I want to and dont.....no one understands how stuck I feel.....how angry I am....how sad and depressed I am.....or how hurt I am...how scared I am....how desperate I am.....

I know God is here...and I know He is working....but I don't possibly see how I'm going to make it.....there are certain time frames on things.....you know..to wait for....and I don't know how I could make it that long....I have had alot of doubt in God, and my current state of mind is not helping that in the least.....I know God does wonderful things for other people....but somehow....somewhere I fail to see where He would help me...why He would help me....Why He would want me to have something so wonderful as what I think He is trying to give me....Oh Lord my heart breaks.....

I am so weak....so very pathetically weak....I feel like I can't do this...I'm even scared for myself....which is like never normal....

God please help me, provide for me........God please....I ask and beg and plead with all my heart and soul...I can't do this without You...not even sure I can do this at all......Provide the things I need so I can get out of here....please....

[Mackenaw]

Raina,

My prayers continue to rise to The Lord in the name of Jesus, on your behalf. God's will be done.

Remember, when God desires that we do something, He also provides for the doing of it.

God bless and keep you.
Love,
Mack

[Christnundrconstruxn]

Good morning Raina,

I just want to add a bit to Macks words

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me
You see I do know a lot of how you feel but for different reasons I'm sure, but just as you are doing I allow satan to weaken me beyond belief by telling me I am not good enough, God doesn't need or want someone like me, I'm such a failure, and finally the feelings of wanting to be alone and that nobody else cares to know what is going on or that I want to just go off in my house and be alone and depressed feeling all these things cause that is whats best.

These are ALL tools of satan, these are what he uses to destroy you and what God wants, that is what he does and he is a master at it....unless we continue to do as God wants and laugh at all the attacks satan hands us.
You see every time you allow one of these things, he gets stronger inside you but everytime you do not allow it that weakens satans grasp and just imagine him getting smaller each time

I know too well of these attacks as they have destroyed my life for the past couple years, BUT it really irritates satan because even though he has done this and weakened me beyond belief I still have my faith that someday somehow God WILL see me through and allow me my hearts desire.....why....because He promised me...and you.

I want you to know I have said things here my family and church does not even know and I do not regret it because I trust my Oasis family and there is a few bits of my past I didn't wish to share with all but have found ones I trusted and have since shared with them and no I do not regret that either and all these things made that satan character that is on my back get a lot smaller and lighter...is he still there yep but I let him know even today when he attacks and does his damage I still got my God and he AIN'T GONNA CHANGE THAT!!

I will keep you in my prayers and I hope you find the answers you seek.
God bless and I wish you a good day
Cuc

[RainaSkye]

Thank you both....

[ServeGod]

Praying in agreement with my brothers and sisters.

We don,t understand how you feel, but Christ does, cause He was with you in all your pain. Jesus went through pain, hurt, betrayal, rejection, humility, just to name a few. He went through all of it, because He loved us. He came to earth as mere man to feel it all. Just so He can say, I know how you felt.

Romans 5:7-8 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates is own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

[RainaSkye]

Thank you all for the prayers....a small part of the prayer has been answered....which is awesome...thank You Jesus.....however the rest still needs to be answered.....

also...this small part of the prayer has left me feeling vulnerable....scared, lost...disoriented....confused.....and sometimes not feeling at all.....even though it is a GOOD thing....just very new...and different