Christianity Oasis Forum

[blueshine]

I Thank you for your prayer and support. I am in stepping two. Today I feel that my painful thoughts are quite. I know that there are there, but are quite sleeping. Tomorrow, I am going to start a project for a month in other city and today I just was concentrated in preparing everything for the journey, so I did not think in anything else. It is a little refresh in my soul, although it is just for a month, I want to believe as you all said that Jesus has a Plan for my life and He could heals me completely and give me a life… . I do appreciate your prayers for this project. I do not want to have wrong attitude with them. I mean that the pain most of the time is notorious. I won’t have internet in that place, I pray that I could still in contact, otherwise until one month after I will be able to do so.
I thank you very much for this space.
Thank you all for your prayer I do apreciate them.

[Faithandlove]

Blueshine, the joy of the Lord is your strength. I know this will be eaiser said than done, but you must take your eyes off of your circumstances and focus them on God.

Where you are right now in your life is just where God wants you (trust me, I'm learning this, too). But it's because of where you're at that God wants to use you. He is trying to show you something. So stop, take a moment, and begin to focus on God. He will show you exactly why things are the way that they are right now in your life.

Trust me on this one, I know! Please spend some time just sitting at the feet of God and just let him minister unto you. Block everything else out of your mind and just concentrate on God. He will speak, but you have to be listening.

God bless.

[blueshine]

Thank you very much Faithandlove. The emptiness in my life is so big… althought I tried to think that maybe there is a life for me, I just could think one minute and then again, the sense of deep pain is bigger. Yesterday I started a job, it will be for a month, I should be happy, but not, I am tired and without hope, thinking that I do not family to work for,.. do not have anybody.. even do not have strength……. Yesterday I met people that I used to work with, they are so good, life has been so good with them, there are not Christian… and have wonderful families, wonderful jobs, wonderful life. they also told me about my last job and told me how good it is… I remember that when I left that job I truly thought that God want me to do that and I started a business, I trusted that things would be ok, but not, everything went worse to worse.

Everything in my life is so bad, … At the airport I met a friend who told me that a friend that I used to trust, he started a company with one friend of him and told me about his business.. that broke more my heart and I do really feel a pain.. because I gave and explained everything of my company to him because I wanted that maybe we could join our strenghts and work together and he took all my ideas and join other person… just used me… and now understand why we did not talk with me anymore…
I used to think that he was my best and only friend… but the same as my family he left me alone and deceived me..

The friends I am staying with at the moment, although they are ok, I feel that they are not comfortable with me at your flat… I feel so bad for everything.. Today it is almost 5 months that I have not talk to my family… everything is painful at the moment…

I need to do the job for I was hired… I do please ask you to pray for that.. I want to do this job ok, otherwise I will add more pain to my painful life…
Unfortunately I could not do the step yesterday because I did not have internet… today I have just some minutes to used it and to write it, so I cannot do it the steps today as well…
I want to go out from this pain, I want to live feeling good.. I want to have hope, I want to have dreams.. I want to have strength to do the things I have to….. I want all these that there is not in my life now..

[Faithandlove]

Sorry if this is going to sound harsh. I only say it in love, ok.

I have been reading your posts and you know what? You do have a problem, but not the problem that you think you have. You think your problem is that you are not an acheiver because you don't have what others have and that's why you're so miserable, right? If that's what you think, then yes, in one aspect you are correct! And that is, you think that being successful and having stuff will make you happy! I cannot begin to tell you just how far from the truth that perspective is!!!!

You need to take your eyes off of other people, being successful and having struff, to focusing your sights on Jesus Christ!

All that, that you are thinking of that will make you happy, are ALL lies from satan. Even if, you were to acheive all of that stuff and have a "good life", you still wouldn't be happy! Happiness doesn't come from having stuff! And it's temperal anyway. Meaning that's it's all going to disappear anyway. Don't focus your attention on what you don't have and can't get at the moment, anyway. Focus your attention on what you do have (even if it's not a lot right now) and your relationship with God. Things will work out when you put your faith and trust in God! Don't dwell on the negative. Ok?

I hope I didn't sound to harsh because I meant it in love.

God bless.

[blueshine]

Hi Momo,
I thank your for this message, in my heart I really want to believe, I really want to wait on the Lord with a joyful heart, but I felt worse because I am not able to do it.
I went to the church last sunday and I really felt the Spirit of God in me, I asked him for his healing in my heart and asked him with all my heart with tears in my eyes, that him please write a new story about my life.. I believed then with all my heart that this week will be different and my life will have, for first time in my life happiness... but it did not happen, things still the same or maybe worse... my pain still, and my feeling of loneliness still, I want to serve the Lord, but I cant, how I could if my heart if full of sadness, my strength is gone and .. do not have job, do not have family, I am 40, do not have husband, and do have hope of it.. ... I have two friends, they have been like mothers and know that they pray also for me, for my job and for my husband, they also tell me the same... "maybe this is not the time of God... " that is ok... but my life is destroyed... and then I understand that that is the Gods will... I never receive loved in my life, so I know that also I do not how to give.. and for 40 years been asking God for this... sometimes, for some minutes I could feel Jesus with me.. but it is so hard when everybody is with someone and I always alone... I tryed to be strong and said, "never mind" Jesus is with me.. but the chair next to me in the restaurant still empty, when everbody have a companion... ...
I do not understand if Jesus want me to be alone all my life, why He put in my heart so strong the desire to be married?... is cruel... and also I do not have job... no door has been open... I have sent more than thousands cvs...
I want his answer in my life, rather he takes me from this life when I doing nothing, just suffering... or write a new story where he could give me a purpose to live..

I thank you for your support

[Diane]

Dear blueshine: I just read thru your posts blueshine. I had really messed up my life before I became a Christian and it took me a long long time to heal to get to a place where I was ok by myself at the restaurant and movies cuz I knew God was with me right there. I remember the desperation and need to be loved. Many times I asked God to remove my desire to be married and have children from me and I prayed that if He didnt could He please give me the desire to be a celibate nun. I didnt get married until 35 and first kid at 40. I only dated my husband 6 months before we became engaged. We really didnt know each other well and should have spent more time learning about each others histories and families because it has been tremendously difficult to bring all of our baggage into marriage and have to clean it up.
Before I met my husand to be, I was really working on myself and getting to a good place about me and thats what attracted my husband. I would go to 12 step meetings for co dependency and eating disorders. I did not have any friends that knew the real me and there I made real friends. Christian Churches now have a Christian 12 step where you can meet other Christian women that are going through the same struggle of wanting to be married and job hunts. The program is called Celebrate Recovery. I would go and cry and cry and they would pray for me. Now I need to go back cuz Ive forgotten how to take care of myself. I think we really need to let God heal us before we marry and start a family. Then we are better prepared.
Im sorry you are hurting so much. I will pray for you and your needs. I feel like Job also and cry out to the Lord for help. I need others to help me and point me back to Jesus and the Holy Spirit and that is why I come to this site and go to mtgs so that I know then that I am not alone in this suffering.
PS: I just remember how God worked in those meetings cuz there was a lot of women without work there and it just so happened we discovered that one of the other ladies in the group has an employment agency and found at least three women that I know of jobs! Its amazing how God works even though it doesnt feel like it at times.
God bless you
Diane

[Christnundrconstruxn]

Hello blueshine,
I want to say first that you have so much to live for and until you start looking at the glass half full instead of half empty nothing will change......I know about now you are probably thinking WHO THE HECK DOES HE THINK.......
I know this first hand, how you say because I am going through something simular, you see I am one that hates being alone and have never REALLY had that true love, been in MANY relationships and was even married for 14 years but never knew what it was like to feel total love from a human, but since being seperated and VERY alone for 2 years and that has been hard for me because at times I just want to "be" with anyone just so I'm not alone BUT I have resisted and I have in those 2 years went from wanting to die and hating life to accepting God has a plan and I just do as I can daily and as my favorite verse says wait upon the Lord, problem is there is TWO ways to "wait" upon the Lord...yes I have not just jumped at any chance to "be" with someone so in that way I AM waiting on Him BUT the other wait......I do not serve Him as I should or hold myself to His standards that too is waiting on Him.
I have come to realize that I am unhappy being alone and I don't know that I could resist if satan was to send one of his to me BUT if God will give me the strength I WILL wait upon Him until.......
I pray every morning for Him to heal me and make me the man He created me to be and yes I have the feeling if He would send that chosen one to stand beside me I could do just that, sadly I do not put my trust ALL in Him, it is as if I need that special person in my life to become what He wants of me.
I pray you and I both will learn to "wait" upon the Lord and He WILL supply our needs.
May God show you how special you are and give you the ability to rise above the emptiness of being alone

Cuc

[blueshine]

Diane and Christnundrconstruxn ,

I do appreciate your comment, I thank you for your testimony and your words of encourgement. I am looking for Celebrate Recovery Programme nearby. I do apreciate your prayer about it. I really want to be heal and be the person God wants me to be.
thank you