Christianity Oasis Forum

[God Please Help Me]

Would like to talk any one regarding the feeling of being rejected,(no longer loved by husband) failure -being all the effort put in raising my family, sacrificing self happiness for family's sake seem a failure.
I found out a gift for a girl in my husband bag, I asked him and he said this is for my fraternity brother's wife a gift being I came from overseas. I accepted that. The next thing I found out in a statement is a bill for flower delivery, his reply is this is my old classmate who is"TERMINALLY ILL WITH CANCER" and he is just consoling her. I found out again this was sent to a different name he told me, again another excuses, address he said is different from the invoice, he said it is not meant for her, she only the c/o address. Not satisfied rang the number and found out that the name on the invoice is the one living on such address and there is not the other name he said. Confirmed also that this girl is away where my husband is currently at..A big shock in my life, I trusted him so much that I'm not checking on him on anything.When I check the statement found out that there is one delivery previous this one I'm looking at.....It hurts so much........
Despite all of these, I forgave him and her.......Let's correct all our mistakes and give this marriage a second chance....Even ask the girl to give us a chance to reconcile for the kids sake.....not sure what she did....
My husband is so blinded by his love to this girl and he chose her...I asked him to leave the house but my kids wanted him to sleep at least overnight as it is already late...I accepted, since then my husband is still home....It hurts him leaving but he doesn't want me anymore , that's what he said to me....don't know if he confused because I made him choose who he wants after an argument....did I made a mistake for doing that?
I'm still hoping he will come back to me.....don't know if I'm insane why I have this feeling.....I love my family so much that I sacrifice my happiness, social life for them.......there are days where I felt so low that I have no more intentions in life. I know this is not right but there is no more life without my family.....Even told that is life's realities, but it hard to accept....PLEASE Lord, help me carry my cross, give me strength and guidance. Please give me peace. With YOU there is always HOPE. I TRUST my life in you....I forgive all those who hurt me....May she realise that a family will be broken if she won't help me...I knew my husband is so blinded at the moment, Please Lord help him see the good things...

[Zinnia]

Dear friend, I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I would love to talk to you more about this and walk beside you as you become victorious in this trial. I have to get ready for work right now but wanted you to know that I will lift you up in prayer today! I will try to write to you late tonight.until then know that someone on the other side of the world is praying for your strength!

~K

[Christnundrconstruxn]

Hello Sis and welcome to the Oasis, I too am at work right now but wanted you to know I have said a prayer for the healing of your heart as well as for God to do what is needed to fix this, Please remember to pray for His will to be done(not as we feel is the right thing) you see God IS in control and we may not see that the outcome is best but He does know best, we just need to be faithful and follow His lead.
I too will talk more with you later but PLEASE DO NOT give up, God will see you through, please keep coming here and being amoung friends (brothers and sisters) that will ALWAYS be here to listen and pray with you.
Ps please take a look at the counseling pages on here there are for sure some that you will benifit from if you give it a chance, take a look at them.
May God wrap His loving arms around you and show you He cares
Christnundrconstruxn (Cuc)

[Listening heart]

I am praying for you. Please try not to act impetuously, but prayerfully. Take your time to try and listen to what the Holy Spirit is saying to you x

[Zinnia]

Dear sister, here are my thoughts on your situation: first I am impressed at how you want to work it out and how you were able to forgive your husband. ( more thoughts on forgiveness later). Many marriages survive affairs and are stronger for it. We just hear of the ones that broke up. So, good for you!! But if you want it to work, you will need a plan. You cannot change your husband, you can only change the way you react to him. If you cry and whine and beg him to come back, he will find a way to get out quickly! But if you are strong and in control, he will be drawn to you. I don't know what your personality is but being in this situation can make anyone crumble. When you are with him, you must stay strong. You need to set boundaries but you also need to be kind and loving. Read James Dobson's book, Love Must Be Tough. It will guide you through this.

How old are the kids?

Forgiveness is necessary and I'm proud of you for taking that step. You will find that forgiveness is like an onion. You keep finding another layer and more tears each time you think you have it all taken care of. Know, however, that forgiveness is not allowing yourself to be a door mat. Make rules and stick to them.

Ask God to show you how to change the things in your life that He needs changed. Little by little as you can bear it, He will show you what He would like you to change. If only 10% of the problem is you and 90% is your husband, if you fix your 10% he will notice and respond by fixing 10% of his own. Now your marriage is 20% better! Then you can start working on your next 10% !

Find ways to reach out to him, make his coffee in the morning, make sure his favorite chair has all the kid toys out of it when he comes home, turn on the electric blanket ahead of time, etc. You know things that he likes and you can do for him.


Surviving an affair is not for whimps!! But you can do it.

[Zinnia]

My iPad made me send that post before I was done! I just wanted to assure you that you ARE NOT a failure!!!!

I would love to get to know you more! Can we talk some more?

~K