Christianity Oasis Forum

[faith1]

I never really had a great interest in having a boyfriend in the past. I tend to be independent and felt uncomfortable with it. I am forty now and about five or six years ago I had this female friend who had this male friend that was constantly helping her with resolving concerns she had. He would go out of his way to do things to help her and this is when I started to think I would like someone like this in my life. I started asking God to send a male friend into my life one that could be a close friend and be there for me. I had some friends that were male but they were just acquaintances really and I knew them through this group from church. This guy I knew from this church group had asked me drive him somewhere to talk about a job. After I helped him with this I asked him if he could help me move my stuff into my house. After that he started showing up at my house talking to me and my roommate and he seemed like a really nice guy. He would sit there and read to us out of the bible and pray for us. Now I had not persued this relationship or any other relationship with a guy even though this was my prayer. It just seemed to be falling into place. He seemed to like me and would subtly indicate that but I felt uncomfortable making him more than a friend. After a couple months of him coming to my house and talking to us I decided I liked him and decided to tell him. I just thought it would be a nice gesture to let him know I liked him. I wasn't sure that I wanted to date him he lacked job stability and had only attended school til the 7th grade and read and wrote at a lower level than that I've completed college. I was trying not to be judgemental but realistically I didn't think he would be someone I would date seriously. So why ruin the relationship with dating him in the first place. Ireally wanted him to be a good male friend however, once I told him I liked him he figured we were dating. Even when I explained I didn't want to date he just got really mad at me. We had many fights about this I said I just want to be friends and he insisted we date. His general attitude toward me because of this was negative and he acted hateful many times. While we were hanging out in a group he would just leave without us realizing, he would tell me he was going to show up and wouldn't. He wouldn't talk to me on the phone. One time he showed up at my house saying he didn't have anywhere to stay. He wouldn't help around the house, made my house a mess, didn't pay rent thought I was going to pay for his food and other items. Finally, I got him to leave my house and would still hang out with him now that he was living else where. However, he continued to be controlling insisting on us dating and causing fights and doing hurtful things because of this such as not showing up when he said he would or running off and just starting arguments for no reason. I felt like my request of a male friend wasn't asking for much. Especially when my friend had one and she tends to use people and be manipulative to them yet this guy was constantly helping her. However, with me I had a simple request a male friend I know many people are wanting a boyfriend or husband I would have been happy at that point with a male friend. What I got instead was a bad person who uses others and we are not speaking any longer. However, I wasn't even the one who really persued a relationship with him more than an aquaintance he was the one who kept coming to my house. However, that situation was very very negative in my life with all the problems he caused. So I never really got a good male friend but I ended up with someone who was extremely hateful to me because he was trying to be controlling. If that was an answer to prayer than why would God want me to have someone who is hateful to me. It just seemed like a reasonable request a male friend and yet that relationship caused and is causing a lot of anger and harm in my life. This all makes me feel very confused why would something that I felt was a prayer request turn out so negatively? Am I seeing things in correctly here? I feel like I finally stepped out of my confort zone and wanted a close male friend and then all this happened.

[Dora]

Hello Faith I am sorry that happened to you.

I see so much control in people. It seems either the woman is controlling the man or the man her. But I know that is not always the case. We're living in a world of broken people. Often when someone is broken they seek control of others or give in and allow others to control them. It's very sad.

A true companion will be one who doesn't seek to control or doesn't need controlled. God and the Holy Spirit is truly the very best companion we can have. Yet at times there is that someone out there for us. Problem is that someone has free choice and sometimes abuses it. And we get hurt. It's not with in Gods will that we are hurt.

What you've gone through can make a person feel as if God was playing some sort of joke on you. Which can be very confusing and angering. I don't have an answer to what happened. But I do know God doesn't play jokes like that on his dearly loved children. He isn't that sort of God. It's sometimes so hard to know what is Gods will and what the devil put before us to cause us to stumble. This is a stumble, when you doubt God and question Him. Either this was not Gods answer to prayer or the man chose to abuse his free will. Because God would not do this to you. He's not like that.

There is a spiritual world that we can not see. We don't know what was going on in that world to set up what happened to you.

I hope you continue to seek the Lord. His word says He will never leave you nor forsake you. I found you can count on His word.

God bless and keep you.

[Christnundrconstruxn]

Hello Faith,
I wanted to add to your post, I hope you don't mind.
As a man I wanted to tell you it sounds as if this guy was out for himself and his feelings, that's NOT mr right.
I was like that guy your friend used and that in turn made me at one time to be something like the guy you met (not quite as bad) but in high school and before I was that guy a pretty girl could walk up to and bat her eyelashes and talk sweet and I would have moved mountains for her, but over time I realized girls were taking advantage of that and I became cold and almost heartless at times, I have since become a balance and I love to please a woman and have that woman need me.
But as for what you are looking for, I don't think that was a God given thing, I think you should keep looking for male friends with them knowing you are ONLY looking for friends and you will know when that "mr Right" comes along.
but remember one thing if you like him and he likes you and God is the center then nothing else including education and such will matter.
I only went to the 10 grade and I now have a low paying job BUT a woman that I fall in love with and she falls for me....as I said earlier I would move mountains to see her smile and know she is happy with me and because of me,that would be the ultimate gift from God Himself, and she wouldn't find a man to love her more (or spoil her more)
I have had several girlfriends and even married for almost 14 years (still am but seperated) but I still yet have not found that true friend in the one I'm with so I'm still looking too, I have been alone for a year and a half and it is driving me crazy because I need that someone there, so to not have that is hard but I am not running out to bars or dance clubs or anywhere for that matter because I feel when God wants me to meet her I will, but I also understand your feelings of wanting just a friend but I cannot have that with most women because in my state of mind I would start to fall for her due to wanting to hold that someone and be close. (but I still wouldn't act like that guy)
I read a book awhile back that talked about how different men and women were "wired", it is a LOT harder for a man to keep it at this type of relationship than "most" women so keep making it clear I JUST want to be friends
Just don't give up God has the one for you just as He has the one for me and when He feels the time is right we will see
May God bless you and BE CAREFULL when meeting these guys, keep it public or semi public for a LONG time so you know who you are dealing with, they can change in an instant when alone
I hope one we both find the one God wants us to have
Cuc

[vahn]

Hello faith1

I used to be the type of guy that , when a girl's simple hello even , would send me thinking allimony , child support , house payments .... let alone her asking me my name !!!

Often times , myself included , when we pray for something specific , the first thing that moves , we tend to mistake it as the answer to that prayer , especially when it "rhymes" with our request . I other words , we dont wait , or weigh the situation to see if it coinsides with His will . (I used to be the one who always thought the answer will be "yes" just because I prayed)

Needless to say , we actually disappoint ourselves , if not set ourselves up for the disappointment , hence our discouragements with our prayers and blaming God for the misgudgements on our parts .

I am not , by all means , saying this is the case with you , but rather , this is what I had learnt from my own experinces , and trying to pass on in hopes maybe it would help .

I wouldn't make too much of an issue as to what type of person your "request" ended up to be , but rather lets see to it how to get out of that situation , for it does not sound healthy .

In Christ , our Lord
vahn