Christianity Oasis Forum

[sovern1982]

well...ive had a tough couple of days...im really struggling being consistent in my faith. those thoughts keep creeping in that things arent going to get better, like they always do. ive had a hard time praying, doing the stepping stone projects and even tonite i almost fell asleep in a bible study at church...pastor called me out and made me feel very uncomfortable in front of the group...im struggling to stay sober not that i want to drink or use, but my mind keeps telling me to get loaded and i will feel better, even though i know that is not the case. things between my wife and i are strained more and more every day as i lose more hope of her coming back each passing day. i feel like a whiner. i dont want to take my problems to anyone because i believe as the cause of my own, i should fix them on my own...and im afraid to ask for help...ive started counseling and have an appt to see a psychiatrist but i feel like everything is moving so slowly and whenever i make progress somewhere i take two steps back in another area...i guess i thought this was going to be easy...boy was i wrong...i feel like its because my faith is weak or there is something wrong with me...once again i feel defective...guess u could say the good days are good and the bad days are bad..all i really want is to find a happy medium to where i can function like everyone else does without all the terrible thoughts i have...sometimes i feel like im stuck in my own head, especially when i start thinking about my wife, who i believe is being intentionally vicious because she knows im making a serious attempt at fixing myself...either that or she is testing me i dunno...i think way to much about it...all i can think about is what i can do to fix the wrongs i have done to her and make her fall in love with me again...but the harder i try the meaner she gets it seems....or maybe like i said im a whiner and i just like feeling sorry for myself. i get so stuck on her that i lose track of time and i forget about my other responsibilities...like taking care of myself...im having trouble sleeping...actually im afraid to go to sleep because i have terrible nightmares and when i wake im angry and say and do things that i know are stupid...im starting to think that im not beyond redemption, but i cant fix my own mind because i cant think about anything but her and the things ive done to her...even out loud rebuking the bad thoughts isnt working anymore...i just feel hopeless and useless...one way or another this has got to stop and i know i cant run away from or drown out my problems but i feel like i dont have the strength to face them...i feel out of place all the time, even at church because im new and dont know much about the bible or religion...pastor asked me what it meant to me that i had been saved and professed my faith in jesus in front of the church...and i couldnt answer him....i feel like he thinks im a fake...long story short i had a terrible 2 days and im afraid im gonna slip back into my old ways

[Lani]

Hey Sovern

God Bless you this day dear brother.

Take a deep breath

Ya know, as I read your words... it is so familiar I have been where you are in many respects.

If it is anything like I experienced....
She seems mean cuz she is holding hurt...."how dare you grow when I am stuck". Bro you cannot heal her, you can work on you with God and be HIS light so she opens her heart to His healing Please know y'all remain in prayer.

Cruddy sure likes to whisper... who am I kidding, he doesn't whisper... he will do nothin short of a foghorn in your ear if he thinks that will get your attention.... slimey slimerson, that is him. I am so thankful you continue to keep reaching.

I am sorry it feels so hard, keep pushin bro... LIGHT is there clouds will part as you continue to heal.



And... you are completely correct, it isn't easy
Ever go sled riding in the winter or roll down a hill? The trip down the hill is always fast and seemingly fun, lest ya slip and bust your nose (been there, done that) but whew the climb back up takes 10 times longer and a LOT more effort! One step at a time bro.

The best part of being HIS? The Family He surrounds us with so we have others to reach out to when we feel to weak to continue pushin through. We are made to be in "relationship" with others... that is, the unconditional, Christ based Love that brings healing, growth, and Freedom. My continued prayer for you, dear bro, is that with each sharing you are comforted by His mercy and grace.

Thanks for sharing this walk toward healing.... it is an honor to stand with ya

See ya tomorrow for Step 9!!!

Peace n Luv in Christ,
Lani

[xxJILLxx]

hello sovern,


Real soldiers ask for help It is ok to seek help. I dont like the stigma that this world comes up with that we need to do things on our own. If that were the case, me doing things on my own... I would not be here today, i would of continued down the path that i thought was easiest and would of been in a dark place AGAIN. I say again because i was there. And it was not fun, it was not fun to feel the emptiness i had in my soul, no joy at all. And what i pretended was joy, realy wasnt... i always felt miserable.

If it were not for My God and my brothers and sisters in faith here at Oasis encouraging me and walking with me in my trials of hoplessness,... well, i dont even dare to think where i would be brother.

Just remember, take it one day at a time. What is on yr plate today? What decision do you have to make this minute? Stay in the present, He is with you there. The past is just that... gone. And your future is in His hands or your hands. So whats it gonna be? The same ole thing ? Or you gonna try it His way? He knows best and He cares about you. Can you get a sense of that hope in Him?

No, things will not always be peachy, that is life here on earth. We must look over the lie that the enemy uses to discourage us that once we get to Jesus every thing will be ok and that he will wave a wand over all our areas of trouble and fix them. IF He were to do that, which He can ( He is God and can do whatever He wants) what would we learn out of this life? He wants the best for His children and wants to lead us, but we gotta do the footwork too, the best way we can and know how to. He knows your trying, even i see you are trying and make huge effort Grab that peace for a moment and know that He is God and He loves you very much. You know what else? I can speak for my whole family here at Oasis that we love you too. Man is not perfect, including yourself and including myself, We make mistakes, we do fail others and others fail us. But when we put our trust in Him, HE NEVER FAILS US And that is hope

Congrats on staying sober, is a hard thing to do, but you have

God bless you, hang in there
love ya
♥Jill

[sbennett]

I am praying for you. I believe all of your feelings are normal for what you are going through. You are trying to change your whole life. Turn it completely around. This is a very very hard thing to do...but with God ALL things are possible. You are going in the right direction by not giving up...by doing the steps even when you dont feel like it...by going to church and talking to your pastor by seeking counsel. All the negative thoughts you have about yourself come from satan. He does not want you to change at all. Wants you to fail...remember that when something bad happens or you have bad thoughts about yourself. Ask God to make satan go away. Im sure you do...but pray for your wife all the time and tell her you love her. I know you have asked for her forgiveness and are really trying to change. She will believe you as your ACTIONS change.