Christianity Oasis Forum

[Dora]

I'm glad those verses helped. Consider seeking more verses that speak to you directly from God. Verses that speak on how God views you. Keep them close to your heart. And reflect on them often.

I like your to do list. It shows a huge desire to do Gods will and to improve. Before anything else I pray you realize how much you are loved and accepted by a huge God who allows you to call Him Father. He is searching for a closer relationship with you.

Praying for your relationship with your wife. May I encourage you to just be gentle and kind and forgive her as quickly as you possibly can for her errors. Despite if she is your best friend or your enemy we are asked to love and 1 corinth 13 shows us how.

1 Corinth 13: 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.

Luke 6:35
But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.

I pray you find encouragement in these words. God does love you brother. This much....

[JTucker801]

My pastor always prayed that we would be who we've never been, do what we've never done, and go where we've never gone in Jesus' name. Step 6 certainly is different from anything that I have ever done in my life. I read it and though, "could some order finally be brought to my chaotic life?" A part of me is afraid that I will not succeed, but another part of me is excited at the prospect of achieving personal victories.

These Stepping Stones have really been insightful, although I disagree with your financial study. I happen to be a student of Financial Peace University and have been blessed to have a Bishop that has given me several scriptures about money and finances which do not point to being poor as the better spiritual position. I am against greed, as Jesus is, but Jesus never had a problem with anyone being rich. His problem is when people trust money more than they trust God. Personally, I just want to be wealthy enough to be able to do the things he wants me to do and to leave an inheritance of both money and character to my bloodline.

I did my chart using Excel, and put these things as my activities:

Pray 3xs/Fasting (4 hrs.)
Read Bible (5 Psalms, 1 Proverb, and 1 chapter)
Family Time
Quiet Time
Practical Reading
Stepping Stones
Daily Devotion
Build Ministry
Build Dreams
Daily Exercise
Plan/Clean/Organize

My charting begins on Monday.

I have not yet set my goals or decided on my reward. Considering my financial state, I have to be really careful when it comes to how I will reward myself. I will have to read The Success Principles chapter on Goal-setting again to refamiliarize myself with the formula, and finally give it a try.

Can't wait to wake up tomorrow to give God praise, sit at the feet of Jesus, ponder what I have learned, prepare for SS7, then begin my Miracle Grow project. That's all for tonight.

[JTucker801]

Thanks for the suggestion. The parable I have in mind is the prodigal son. I guess that's my cue to read it tonight.

As far as my relationship with my wife, Thank you or your prayers. When it comes to her, I am especially praying for the strength to forgive her. I have serious trust issues. I've loved many times before her, and those I trusted the most often broke my heart the most. And I have always viewed marriage vows as a sacred thing. So when she asked for a divorce, you can imagine the size of the open wound my heart became. What makes it even more difficult is that I had always forgiven her up to that point, but she never forgave me for my flaws. So every time I see her, I have to fight my own eyes to not see Satan's snapshot of her at her worst moment of character. I keep podcasts on my phone to listen to so that I won't hear Satan's suggestion of what her lifestyle might be like now. Plus, I have always said that if you will struggle with me, you have the place of honor at my side, but if you flee during times of struggle, I have a problem with you sitting at my victory table. Loyalty is paramount to me. My friends know that well about me. I have three friends that have been with me since we wrote hip hop songs in high school in 1988. We are still friends to this day, and that means something to me. I wanted my marriage to be deeper than my friendships. My friendships have lasted through nearly everything I've gone through in my life. I've always been on my wife's side, but that has hardly ever been reciprocated. I'm not trying to expect anything from her right now, because if I did, then it would hinder me from going through the process of forgiving her. She hurt me in a place so deep within me that I cannot help but to remember right now.

I will definitely ask God to teach me to follow those tenets within his Word concerning my wife, because it is too difficult for me right now. Don't even want to think about it - might get depressed, and I'm just starting to really enjoy my newfound peace these days. When God works on my pain and He says I'm ready, I'll forgive her.

Going to bed now. Thanks again.

[JTucker801]

Ahah!!! Thought I forgot to put an entry in, didn't ya? I went to bed last night and had to wake up early to go to work. I'm taking this moment to enter this entry while my son is playing outside. ok, enough foolin around. Let's get to the business of the entry.

I don't know who designed this, but this stepping stone had to be inspired by God. The picture of the mind as a room that you guys have is phenominal. Two years ago, I had a dream that there was a meeting going on in my mind. I was sitting in a room full of clones of me which represented different aspects of me, my emotions, my fears, my thoughts, my spirit (which was at my right hand), and my soul. There was one dark-red clone who was never invited but always managed to show up and make his own place at my table - the evil one. Ironically, he always made a place next to my fears! Imagine that!!! I had that dream two years ago, and I'm looking at the picture of what it all meant. You bet I'm printing that one. I wish I was at a point emotionally to share this with my wife. She was one of the only three people I ever told about the dream. My pastor and prayer partner (a deacon) were the other two.

I especially like the part where you show me how to verbally tell the truth. I wonder if any of you are familiar with "speaking to your situation." I hear my fellow flock members talk about it but no one has really been able to break it down for me where I can understand it, so I could do it. There are sssooo many situations that I want to speak to and change. Any scriptures relating to that would be helpful.

My outlook has begun to get more positive. My pastor says that I should be a lot more patient with myself, though. I think he's referring to when I want to see results. I admit, I've been trying to get as deepky into each lesson each day as much as possible, hoping it would strengthem me against my problems quickly. But perhaps that's not the way it works.

Plus this past Sunday, Minister Brown (sorry for last entry's error) talked about the Spirit of Humility, which I found my level is not where I want it to be. That may be a huge part of my problem as well. So I'm continuing to study, the book of Philippians especially.

That's all I can think about for now. Will b back later for SS8.

[Dora]

Two years ago, I had a dream that there was a meeting going on in my mind. I was sitting in a room full of clones of me which represented different aspects of me, my emotions, my fears, my thoughts, my spirit (which was at my right hand), and my soul. There was one dark-red clone who was never invited but always managed to show up and make his own place at my table - the evil one. Ironically, he always made a place next to my fears! Imagine that!!!

That's amazing!!! Thank you for sharing that. I have huge fears and sometimes feel suffocated by them all. Despite that I know the answer is to trust God, I can get overwhelmed with them. Your picture you drew for me will help me to overcome.

I don't know about speaking to your situation. Is that like just saying out loud what you have faith will happen?

God bless and keep you. You are doing well in the steps.

[JTucker801]

I don't know about speaking to your situation. Is that like just saying out loud what you have faith will happen?

I think that is what it is supposed to be. But that is something that I have not done.

I'm glad that something I shared will help you. I had always hoped that my life would be spent helping others, but I never knew how. Plus, I've always been told that I have to be strong in order to help others, but I don't know how strong I have to be. So to know that I helped others even in the state I am in now, recovering, helps me a great deal.

But my mind was blown when I saw the mind as a room-diagram because of that boad meeting with self dream I had. It was almost as if God was saying, "you're right on schedule."

I shared it with my deacon who I have become a close friend with. He has promised to share with me some scripture notes he took from a sermon called Wisdom Principles that he still reads. He advised that I should read the sermon notes I took often. That is something I had not done before either.

[JTucker801]

In a way, this lesson both helped me and hurt me.

When I read it the first time, I couldn't help but to think about the parable of the sower. I was convicted as being the one who was always caused to stumble when trouble came, and the one who was choked by the cares of the world and pressure from others to conform. I never had wealth to be decieved by it, which is why one of the things I'm studying is to be a great steward, so that wealth will not decieve me. Being the one caused to stumble because of trouble in my life spoke to lack of instruction by those whom I entrusted my soul with. I first confessed Christ at 16. But the church I was in was too focused on following church tradition and legalism that they never taught me. I served on every part of service except preaching. But following their example made me proud, judgmental, and lonely. That was on top of all the other junk already in my soul that had not been addressed. But my spirit noticed something in that moment. I realized that the people I was with were worse than me, and they were miserable. Misery is not what I came to God for, and I just could not believe that God wanted misery for my life. So I left that church, never to return to it.

I'm glad I'm in the church I'm in now. I frustrated my pastor, not purposely though. I guess he could not figure out why I was in the state I was, and why I just could not recieve anything back then. I had trust issues, plus experience that told me that God's wish for prosperity in my life could not be true, for no hint of it ever showed up in my life then. But over time, I've grown, finally able to recieve what God may be trying to tell me. It's a slow process...well at least I call it slow. But I'm glad that I am able to recieve now. But with every conviction, I tend to grow less patient with myself. I guess I feel as though I'm so late reciving the word of God being 22 years later, living with the truth that I am not where I want to be in God, and sometimes fearful that I will never get there. It's a painful feeling that I am trying hard to shake.

It helped me in realizing that overcoming sin is hard. If it's supposed to be hard, then I don't have to beat myself up over my weak moments. I just need to learn that all that is required is to confess, learn from my mistakes, change for the better, then move on. My friend and church deacon says, "when you're wounded, you know where the hospital is. Just make sure you don't get off the surgery table before time." It's a reminder that the enemy knows how to push my buttons. It's a reminder that growing stonger in God is going to be a fight. I really don't want it to be, but it will have to be. I hate it that the enemy knows how to push my buttons, but I have no choice but to admit that I gave him that access, whether I was aware of it or not.

I feel better and stronger, but I still realize that this is a struggle. I have trust issues to get over, a slave mentality to break, a poverty mentality to overcome, issues with lack of self-confidence, issues with conflict, issues with loneliness, issues with my own parenting methods....It all seems like a huge jagged mountain at times. But I will do my best. That's all I can do. I pray and hope that it will be enough for God that I am giving it my all.

Yesterday was not to huge success in the Miracle Grow project I wanted it to be. I got a 50 as a score. But I did forgive myself. I noticed also that I had inadvertently listed 11 activities in the chart. I guess that if I achieve all my goals, that means that God wanted me to give myself some extra credit for the effort. I don't know if I should change it for integrity's sake or keep it for encouragement's sake.

That's all for now. It's time for me to read SS9 now.

[JTucker801]

Sorry that I did not enter anything on Tuesday night, plus after Bible Study, I was beat. I WILL catch up with the entries. I am being faithful to read the Stepping Stone Entries, and I had a little chat with myself regarding my problem, and a more disciplined approach to it. I have to admit that I've been so unstructured in the use of my time that some things that I should be doing have gotten away from me, even though I'm being faithful in recieving counseling. But I'm going to trust that Zig Ziglar told me the right thing when he said that talking to yourself is a good thing.

Anyway, This entry was definitely something to ponder. First of all, unless it had been a career fair or something like that - even though I never got a good job from them, I got good pens - I had bever really been into having a lot of paraphinalia (I hope I spelled it right). I always thought that people who plaster their place with too much of anything were fanatics. I know that sounds judgmental, but I just used to think that spending crazy amounts of money to show how much you love a basketball team or buying tons of religious pencils, pens, pins, necklaces, books (those most people who buy them don't really read), etc. to show that they have a religion they don't really live out very well made absolutely no sense to me. So the suggesstion to surround yourself with "God Stuff" had me thinking that this was crazy.

But God did something for me recently that showed me that I can do this without spending crazy amounts of money. I had finished a personal study on the book of Deuteronomy to find out what was causing me to not succeed in my life. I was reminded of the words in Deuteronomy 8 and was led to write down a revelation that the Holy Spirit shared with me. That revelation (now portait insert in my house) says this: The way toward the righteous fulfillment of the desires that God placed within you is never the easiety way, but the fight that it will take to obtain the godly fulfillment you dare to seek, by way of true worship, will be over-repaid by God, because He rewards loyalty and appreciation that you give to Him better than any other. So now I am praying for him to help me create "God Stuff" and "Jesus Stuff" to keep around my house.

And the chart certainly had me a bit on edge, because I had never charted anything outside of school projects. Plus, I never thought of using a chart for accountability purposes. And I never did realize that 40 was one of the numbers that repeats itself in the Bible. I'm a bit nervous about the chart, though. One part of me is saying that I will fail. Another part of me is saying, "and when you do, get back up, because it's not over unless you quit." Because of my shortcomings, I tend to be cautious. But I am taking a chance. I've got to get through this and overcome somehow!! I'm a bit scared, but I'm moving forward believing past the disappointment I expect. Not one of the stepping stones said that I would never stumble or fall again. But I'm putting pressure on myself to do it. Now that I think about it, I don't know if putting pressure on myself is a good thing to do. A lot of times that i failed, I put a great deal of pressure on myself. Either that or others put pressure on me in some way.

But I'm excited about finally having some positive reinforcement surround me, rather than nagging, negativity, nitpicking, backbiting, and envy aimed at me. I don't even understand why anyone would be envious of me, because I'm struggling. I'm trying hard to do my part to bring about a change in my life and my son's life, and at times it's frustrating.
The only positive reinforcing I seem to be getting is from my pastor, my deacon/prayer partner, and two other church members. That's the family I am sticking closely to, because they see the good in me.

This program so far has been full of things I am not used to, but I will definitely follow it. There are some issues I have to work on in terms of accepting self-accountability in love, rather than in self-criticism tendancies. Please pray for me as I begin doing this.

That's all for SS9

[JTucker801]

It's funny how much you think you know a topic until you're shown something else about it. This is definitely a stepping stone I will have to read often to deprogram my mind and reshape my belief about prayer. I'm really beginning to see that I had been sticking to what I had been taught by those who "raised" me. Those traditional and legalist methods just won't work for me. Though I had fallen in a moment of weakness, I confessed and repented immediately. Since I found myself trying to reorganize and take care of my house at the same time, I had to rely on my church podcasts for help in remembering the Word. But later this afternoon, after work, I'm diving right back into the Word. As a matter of fact, I'll have to cut this short because I have to get to work. But I will be back to finish this afternoon.

[Dora]

Wow J! Congrats! You're on step 10 already!!! You're soaking it up like a sponge to.

[JTucker801]

Things did not go as I had planned, but I am back to finish. Before I begin, I'd like to share that I am beginning to know one of the things that God is showing me. The morning after the night my wife asked for a divorce, I was driving to work. I passed a Wal-Mart, looking at it slightly to the left, and there was a pond in the back of it. And as I looked at it, I saw ducks fly upward at the speed of a movie slow motion scene. I was driving 65 mph, but as sure as I'm here typing, those ducks, the ripples of the waters, and even the way I was going past it was at movie-slow-motion speed. I told this even to my prayer partner and pastor. They said it was probably the Holy Spirit telling me to slow down. I often wore myself out trying to please her, and barely got enough sleep. Took on a job I didn't want to, ended up with the shift that I did not want, and was miserable, because my wife wanted me than we could afford at the time. Lately, I have found myself repeating the pattern, only to try to take care of the worries in my head about being able to take care of my home. I realized that there was no way I could do it all. If I tried to do everything in my own power, then I'm destined for failure, and there was no way around it. So I've found myself saying two prayers more than all others. 1)Lord, I cannot do it alone - I need your help, and 2) Thank you , Lord. It has been many days since I recieved that visual sign, but I'm finally taking on the crux of the message and slowing down. Besides, and I think God knows, I hate stress.

I appreciate SS10 most for its suggestion to pray in out minds to The Lord. I've never been the type to pray in the presence of others outside of church unless someone asks and I can discern that they have a deep need of a prayer on their behalf. But in all my years of living, I had no idea that we were supposed to pray to all three persons of God. No one had ever even introduced that concept to me. I'm a little nervous about the prospect, but I'll give it a try and see what happens. There are a few things I do need to ask for, and maybe this time, I will find the answers, or at least the clues I have been looking for, for many years.

Now, With SS11:

This is something I have been struggling for years with understanding, especially in terms of what to expect when He comes to live in you. PRobably because of the way many churches depicted him, I thought that the Holy Spirit was this uncontrollable thing that takes you over. Once that misconception was cleared up, I still pictured something spooky happening to me. I've been told that the Holy Spirit is a gentleman, and I don't dispute that. But I have also been told that He will not dwell in an unclean vessel. That's where I have the problem, because many times I feel unclean and unworthy. I do want to know what it is really like living with the Holy Spirit, but because of old misconceptions being in my mind for so long, I'm scared, because I don't know what to expect or what to look for. This one, I will have to pray about.

That's it for now. I'm going to bed thanking God, and getting into the book of Levitivus, to glean some other principles from Dad's Family Manual (The Bible).

[Dora]

That is soooooo very cool.