Christianity Oasis Forum

[newdawn4uk]

Hi All, I am male married 44 years old, i have 6 children form two marriages married to my current wife since 1990 both christian, my wife has suffered illness almost 15 years of that time, 4 of my kids are between me and her the other 2 are form my previous marriage. I have many issues and dont really know were to start...

Here are the issues:

Wife's illness
My wife is very ill just now now, not life threatening just debilitating and in constant pain, this has been a cycle for her for 15 years, she has had deliverance ministry that helped on various occasions, she is on medication and i watch hr getting worse by the day, I cant do anything to help her, al i can do is be there. I had a job my own business but as i need to do most of the running about and school runs shopping ect i cant commit to it so i am giving up my business this month, i don't make great money so unless i can commit full time then its not going to work out

Kids rebelliousness have 6 kids as i said...
My oldest son 27 (from first marriage) died of a drug overdose in October 2010 which hurt them all as there were all close
My next older son 19 (form current marriage) is currently in rehab to help with a drug problem and to get anger management ect which he now said he hates and is coming out after only 4 weeks at best.
Next is my daughter 22 (from first marriage) who just moved away from her home 170 miles away to stay near me and my wife is now being emotional abused by my other daughter (18 from current marriage ) and my son who is in rehabs fiance, there has been a jelously between them since kids and the fiance is just jumping on the bandwagon really . With what my wife is going through and the loss we have all had my wife an i have really had it, we have tried and tried to be good parents, my wife is my tears daily my daughter (the eighteen year old) has abused us physically emotionally and we are now at breaking point, both my daughters have children ad are single parents with there own homes just to ad to all of this. One is very easy going (22 year old) the other (18 very highly strung) None of my 2 older kids have any respect for us at all (from current marrige) and we just had enough of it to be honest. we still have 2 younger kids by 7 girl 13 (attitude just started with this one but she loves the lord and love church and is involved in youth praise suppose 1 out 4 aint to bad) seems the ones ididnt bring up turned out great but the ones i did bring up are a nightmare and a burden , hate to say it but thats how i feel.



My own sin
Various, sexual sin of masturbation due to no affection due to my wife's illness it really stops me functioning as a christian like others i have read here feel dirty and like i have let the lord down.
Financial, i struggle with finances and cheat the government system just to make ends meet, know it is wrong and am going to put it right, i feel far away from God and know he wants me to put it right

My relationship with God
Is not good, due to all of the above i feel like, how cant i go to God when as a Father i am a complete failure with no respect form my kids in fact they (not all of them only 2) make my life a misery with moments of joy here and there.
As a husband I consider myself a failure, due to masturbation that sometimes include porn, I have been fighting this most of my life and i want an end to it!!! what kind of husband am i?

Think this is enough for now, shared more than i was going to, just hope its not been a mistake to do so.

newdawn

[kimby]

Hello Newdawn
I love that name...speaks of that new start which God so much wants to give to each of us. In fact, I believe it is someting He wants to give us each day...a chance to lay the burdens and sins of the previous day down and start fresh and new.
I am sure that everything on your plate right now just feels so overwhelming, but can I encourage you to start with the one thing that is completely in your hands? Your relationship with God. Newdawn, we all make mistakes, we all struggle with different things at times, but God is so faithful. He doesn't require that we fix all of that before we come to Him, before we can have an intimate relationship with Him. It is in that intimate relationship that those things start to change. It is out of that relationship that we hear His voice and He guides us through the minefields when we don't know which way to turn or what to do.
So glad that you are here Newdawn...thank you for sharing...I hope you continue to do so.

[Dora]

I am glad you shared brother.

What a difficult time. I could feel your pain and sorrow with in your words. I just want to encourage you to keep holding on. Keep seeking. Keep believing.

2Co 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Psalm 51:17The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.

God bless and keep you. His will be done in all these things.

[newdawn4uk]

Thank you for your kind words guys, it is amazing what God does in a short time, today i got my 2 daughters together and give them space to talk about there grievances with each other long story short, they have reconciled with each other. forgiven each other and are now speaking to each other and everything seems to be healed, a few home truths were shared and each of them acknowledged there wrong doing in the situation.

As for me, i feel a new inner strength since joining this forum and am ready to give my sexual sin the boot, i am not saying i wont fall but will take one day at a time and seek His strength and help thru it, please pray for me. I have just completed step 2 of the stepping stones and will be doing the renewing of your mind course from 1st may and the MIRACLE GROW program to help me stay focused.

Need now to deal with my cheating the government, which i am planning to also do soon, i will post my progress here daily please keep me in your prayers brothers and sisters, its so good to be here, thank you for making me feel welcome.

[newdawn4uk]

Gods grace is so amazing, I realize that he cares about me so much that he sent Jesus to pay for my sin, and that Jesus came willingly. I really want to please Him not because of fear or to avoid hell but because of his amazing grace toward me. The story of David & Bathsheba is so encouraging. King David, the apple of Gods eye was a murderer and yet our Lord Jesus came form that blood line, through Solomon who was the child that David & Bathsheba had.

It is really is an AMAZING GRACE , its helps me realize that no matter what i have done that I have hope and can walk in freedom from my sin if i choose to as i have been empowered by the holy spirit through Christ. I need to stopped acting like like i am defeated and have no other choice, when I accepted Jesus as my Saviour i was given the power to choose to sin or not to sin, i know i wont always make the right decision but that why Good sent Jesus as he also knows |Wouldn't always make the right decision and His grace would be sufficient where i fall down and is what will keep me in right relationship with God during the hard and testing times where i fall, he will help me through his grace to stand up again and keep on going.

Thank you Lord Jesus

[Dora]

Glad you shared. That was so encouraging! I love to see God at work.

God bless and keep you brother.

[akita777]

It's not a mistake brother. We all here have our own stories of failure and redemption. One thing I keep telling myself is that I don't have to clean up my life to go to my father in heaven. He takes me as I am. Soooo, If you are a sinner you qualify for grace. The hard thing might be to accept that grace that is offered because sin has such a hold sometimes. Be encouraged, God loves you and me and everyone else.

Not that God winks at sin. He sure does NOT. Matter a fact God will discipline all his children and for sure it can be painful. The pain is there to show us that something is wrong. It may be that God is chastening us or we are just suffering the results of our own sin. Whatever the case, we can and should go to him and ask and accept his forgiveness. This is what the cross is about. This is what Jesus died for. So God's justice could be satisfied and our sins could be forgiven.

I would encourage you to get some help with the sexual sin. It may be an addiction. There are Christian groups for men with this problem. I know I was part of one for 3 yrs and the Lord changed my life in that group regarding that subject. I still have wondering eyes. But, after looking at porn for over 25 yrs. he took that desire away from me. As I say I still struggle with the lust of the eyes and I hope to one day not struggle there as well. For now I will have to depend on his grace and mercy. Glad you stopped in

Steve

[sbennett]

I am so sorry you have such trouble in your life. God is good to hold and care for us when we go through the hard times. Please pray and reach out to HIM.....HE is there. There is so much love and GRACE waiting for you. No matter the sin....or how much or many times...HE still loves you.

I am praying for you and your family.

[newdawn4uk]

I think i have forgiven others based how bad i consider myself to be, no one has really me that bad that i haven't forgiven them, Think this is something i need to really think about. There is one person that i struggle with, its the guy who was instrumental in the break up of my first marriage. My ex wife's brother.

I think i have forgiven him but there is times recent (my sons funeral) when i have had opportunity to be in his company for the first time in years i think i may be holding some resentment against him, although i was being "nice" i had an awkward feeling talking to him.

In fact he was the first person to share the gospel with me he stopped me in the street and at that time i absolutely hated him, he said he was sorry for any trouble he had caused and that he was now a christian and told me about Jesus and how i could be forgiven. I replied, if Jesus wants anything to do with you then hes not for me! One year later I was stopped in the street again by a complete stranger and through that encounter i was saved. Its funny my hatred for this man nearly stopped me from getting saved.

He is no longer following the Lord the last time i met him. Not sure if i have forgiven him or not. also find it hard to forgive myself for things i have done but i really need to do that also.

[newdawn4uk]

Hi everyone, not been on since last Thursday, went away for weekend with family came back monday but never got around to getting back on the forum. My son was in rehab and became a christian will there. He gets out on Monday 9th may. He is doing well. Because i cant run my business i am going to give it to him and help him run it for a while until he gets used to it.

My 2 older daughters are getting on well since my intervention, my younger daughter 13 was getting harassed by a boy at school via text. She says he has stopped, i was going to call the police but she said she would never talk to me. Something dont seem right please pray for my family. particularly my 13 year old daughter. I have not done the steps since last thursday, just not gotten round to it. Proobably gonna need to start again. My wife is still the same if not worse, she is in constant pain 24/7 she takes tramadol for the pain and amatryptiline for sleep. She does well though, she is a fighter, although not fighting as hard these days as it is the worst i have seen her for a while. As for me i am doing good, not looked at porn and no desire too either, I love my family not some stupid video /pic. Glad i am a christian or i would be trapped with no way out!!!