Christianity Oasis Forum

[jayney]

Day 1 of my journal;
I have never done anything like this before but feel strongly that I need some spiritual guidance at this time. I have never felt this more strongly. I was raised a christian and attended church throughout my childhood. As an adult I believe very much and pray but do not attend any formal church.
I am married and feel that my husband's family are doing the work of the devil. There have always been serious difficulties with them throughout our 10 year marriage but never as much as now.
My husband's mother has tried many times to damage our marriage. She is very ill and elderly and I feel is trying harder as she feels she hasn't long left. She is not religious and at her husband's funeral refused to have hymns sung. When her husband was dying and wanted to explore christianity she blocked his efforts.
She has never offered any financial support through a number of significant periods of difficulty. My husband and I have been trying for some time to buy our own home but have struggled to raise the necessary funds, his mother although financially very comfortable has never offered help as is her right. Recently she has offered my husband a very sizeable sum of money if he buys a house on his own. We have has our ups and downs but always weathered them and stayed together. My husband is weak and views this gesture as wanting his happiness and refuses to acknowledge that this is a further attempt to end our marriage but admits this money is not on offer if he stays with me. I have never done anything wicked or hurtful to my husband or his family but his mother has always disliked me. I have never been sure why, I think I was just not who she would have chosen for him.
I have been forbidden by my husband to discuss this with her, anyways we have not spoken for about 4 years since her last attempt to damage our marriage.
I have prayed and prayed over this for some guidance. I feel so very hurt and pained that anyone can hate me to this degree. I am also very hurt yet unsurprised that my husband will not acknowledge my feelings and the awfulness of what his mother is trying to do.
What would God ask of me? Should I try and ignore these attempts to destroy my marriage? This is just one more even worse epsiode in a catalogue of hurtful things she has done to me. God, what do I do?
My mind is so troubled. This is not my first marriage and I have tried so hard to hold it together. Where do I go from here God? I have found this site and hope I will find the answers I need.
Thank you for reading.

[jayney]

Day 2
This may seem too soon but I wrote the 1st entry yesterday and only added to this forum today
I like the thought of surrounding myself in CHristian music, insulating myself against evil.
I have questioned many times why so many difficult things happen to me and I have always believed that God has a plan.Maybe it is so I don't repeat my sins? I have wanted for a long time to make my life more focused on God rather than keeping my faith in the background but have never known how? Where I live the churches are the real old fashioned kind, and thats not for me. I understand the analogy with the weeding, I need to talk with God always. There have been times when I have been so sure I can see or feel God's influence but other times when I have prayed so hard, I can't. My great grandfather was a minister. I am sure a better relationship with God is in me somewhere.My husbands family, not just his mother have done me so much wrong over the years. I cannot ever change them and their behaviour I can only change my own. But how? I need to understand why they treat me as they have? Or do I need to? Please God, in your wisdom, show me the way. Show me how I can be a better person.

[Dora]

Hello Jayney

Do we have the same mom-in-law?

Sis I feel for you.

I know it's frustrating but his eyes can be opened. Pray for God to open them.

If someone were to tell me my mother was trying to destroy my marriage I wouldn't want to believe it even if the evidence was very clear because that would hurt so badly.

Build him up so he is strong. Back him up so he knows you will be behind him if he needs you. And when he can not see pray for his eyes to be opened.

God can get you through this. Become one. Love ya!!!

[jayney]

Step3
Wow!!! I have just read about King David, I didn't know this and it has shocked me. IF this journal is to mean anything i need to be honest even though some things are shaming to admit.
When my husband and I met 11 years ago, he was married. I could make a list of excuses and justifications for this? I was emotionally very raw and damaged as my own marriage had been abusive for many years before it then ended, but that doesn't really excuse my behaviour.
I couldn't see back then but for a lot of years now I have been so sorry and ashamed. But until now I never told God how sorry I was, I thought he would see in my heart and know how I felt. I think because of how it started I have never been happy in my marriage, it has always been a battleground and I always felt it was my punishment for how it started.
How do I make my peace with God?
After step 2 I have prayed hard last night and asked the Holy Spirit for Guidance for the future. Can my marriage ever be mended? Thanks for the lovely reply, I will pray for my husband's eyes to be opened to how things really are.
I feel both tearful and hopeful that this forum is the 1st step on the journey I am supposed to be taking.
THank you

[Dora]

until now I never told God how sorry I was, I thought he would see in my heart and know how I felt. I think because of how it started I have never been happy in my marriage, it has always been a battleground and I always felt it was my punishment for how it started.
How do I make my peace with God?

God does know the heart. It is for us we confess with our mouths, not for Him.
I believe you are making peace with God.
He knew the path you would choose and loved you despite it.
You have been forgiven.

God bless and keep you.

[jayney]

Thank you.

[oabogun]

Glad that you are here!!!! Eventhough i am not married, i do know that prayer can move mountains-mountains in our lives, relationships, work and much more. Also Matt 6:33 Said that seek first the kingdom of God and all things will be given to you as well. I think it is very important that our foundation is on a solid rock which is God! When we put God first, things fall in place and even if you go through a hard time-you have that sense of peace because you are within God's will. I believe that you are well on your way just by sharing this with other chirstians, going through the path and continuing to pray. You are always in our prayers and we love you!!!! I hope this helps a little. Just keep your eyes on God!

[jayney]

Step 4
Forgiveness! Thats a tough one. I will just write a little as I need to think about this one.
What if the people who have done you great wrong are not sorry and don't want your forgiveness and are not interested in putting it aside? My husband's mother hates me, she doesn't care about what she has done?
Also, my brother whose wife was so consumed with jealously of my relationship with my parents that she destroyed my relationship with my brother. I have tried many times to make the peace but they don't want to? Do I forgive in my own heart if I can and move on?
So much of what I am reading here makes so much sense. I have asked for forgiveness over and over for the same things but God doesn't want me to do this.
Its only been a few days but I feel that doing this is the right thing to do, I am learning so much about God.
I need to think about old things that I need to forgive and what I need to forgive myself for. I shall come back later.
Thank you.

[Dora]

Hello Jayney

I've heard it said not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Your unforgiveness towards your mom-in-law and sister-in-law doesn't hurt them nearly as much as it hurts you. They may even find pleasure in stealing your joy and peace.

Forgive them not for them but for God. He'll be pleased. Consider asking Him to soften your heart towards them. To help you see why they are they way they are. They sound lost. Maybe not lost in knowing who is God, but lost in not Knowing God. If they knew Him, really Knew Him perhaps they wouldn't be following their selfish desires. But then we are very selfish creatures by nature.

God bless and keep you.

[jayney]

Thank you. I have thought a lot today and it is right, my anger and bitterness cause me so much pain. I will start asking God to soften my heart towards his family and help me to understand them.
J

[mlg]

Just remember you can't change the way others act...but you can change how they make you react. I shared a post earlier in this forum about an experience I had yesterday that shows how important forgiveness is to our own spiritual walk. I pray that you will find the peace and understanding to let go and let God.

Take care and God Bless

[jayney]

Step 5
It really is amazing, I came to this forum because one specific problem was the thing that took me to the end of my tether. When I found out last week what my mother in law's latest stunt was I was so consumed with hurt and anger but I also felt so strongly that I needed to get closer to God. It felt that through his family evil was constantly seeping into my family. Having completed 5 days of this study that anger has gone? How can that be? I can think about his mother and the usual surge of fury isn't there. Its been there for 10 years!!!
When thinking about my problems, I am a very angry person and think that will be one issue that I will need a lot of support to overcome.
Anyway, I read my next step each day before I go to work, write a little here and then ponder on what I have learnt all day.
Thank you God for bringing me here.
J