Christianity Oasis Forum

[darkness_b4_light]

So much in my life has been changing... so much change has happened in this last week and yet at the same time i find i struggle with all the same fears and doubts and keep messing up... but one thing is different for me now... something that changed in my life last week... i BELIEVE. i believe Jesus wants me. ... i read something in Step one today... something that just seemed to jump off the screen at me....

"Belief is like a flowing river....It matters not what you throw into the river...."

because the flowing river will continue to flow around whatever is thrown into it, no matter how big or how dirty or how overwhelming that thing is the river will flow around and over it... cleaning, softening, smoothing, reducing the obstacle until it is consumed and dissappears.

So for me right now... that is what i need to hold on to... i BELIEVE and my belief will overtake all the fear and sin and filth in my life.

Now the hard part....
Step one says i need to let Light shine on all my darkness....

i am consumed by fear, and guilt, and shame. i have lived in such darkness for such a long time that stepping into the light borders on painful, but i know the pain of remaining in the darkness is much more damaging and long lasting than the pain of healing and becoming a child of the light.

i am consumed by the guilt of my uncontrollable sinning... sexual sin and infidelity against my fiance with someone of my own sex, self injury, alchohol and prescription drug abuse,

i live in fear and shame of my past... allowing myself to be used and abused by men and women ever since my childhood... allowing myself to be sucked into a relationship with an abusive man and participating in his sinfulness knowing it was wrong.

i don't know that i am strong enough to overcome all the darkness but i believe Jesus can and that He wants me even with all of this darkness...

so for now the most i can say is i Believe Jesus wants me.

[vahn]

Hello darkness B4 light

I believe we have met in chat once or twice , and was always attracted by your user name . It speaks volumes .

So glad to see you having chosen to take a look at what's going on and try to do something about it is a huge , HUGE step forward .

Keep up the good work , you are well on your way to bigger , better things in life . There will be others who will come along to walk with you side by side on this journey .

And , who Knows ... maybe in time we can even change your user name to 4 LIGHT , whatcha think ?


Luv ya
In Christ , our Lord
vahn

[deetu]

You are doing great b4... every day will be a new change

[mlg]

Amen and He does....Jesus loves you so very much...and now that you are accepting His love...He will begin to show you new directions. I know you've been through a lot...but now the healing begins...take it all in one step at a time.

Praying for you.

Take care and God Bless

[Dora]

Admitting is painful but an important step. You're headed towards the light.

God loves you and so do I!


4U

[Tam]

Hey sweetie did I tell you have proud of you I am for taking this step?
Well just incase I didn't I am soooooo proud of you. I know how hard this was for you to venture out....but it is the first step to your healing.
Remember I told you this would be hard but that you had to take baby steps and that if you got ready to quit to be honest with me and tell me so that we can walk together just a little bit.
Leading up to this point you have made some HUGE steps. I am so so so proud of you. I believe in you and I know that with God's help you can do this
Prayers are going up everyday for you.
love ya!

[darkness_b4_light]

Let Go and Let God... that is something so easy to say yet so incredibly hard to to actually do. It is so broad... let God what? let God everything, right?... yeh i can't do that... baby steps that's all i can manage... right now i think what i am supposed to do it let God show me little things... and it seems the thing He keeps putting in front of me is learning about His love. this is terrifying for me because love hasn't been a "good" thing in my life very much. i opened my bible again today and it was to Psalm 136...
1 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good.
His love endures forever.
2 Give thanks to the God of gods.
His love endures forever.
3 Give thanks to the Lord of lords:
His love endures forever.
4 to him who alone does great wonders,
His love endures forever.
5 who by his understanding made the heavens,
His love endures forever.
6 who spread out the earth upon the waters,
His love endures forever.
7 who made the great lights 
His love endures forever.
8 the sun to govern the day,
His love endures forever.
9 the moon and stars to govern the night;
His love endures forever.

10 to him who struck down the firstborn of Egypt
His love endures forever.
11 and brought Israel out from among them
His love endures forever.
12 with a mighty hand and outstretched arm;
His love endures forever.

13 to him who divided the Red Sea[a] asunder
His love endures forever.
14 and brought Israel through the midst of it,
His love endures forever.
15 but swept Pharaoh and his army into the Red Sea;
His love endures forever.

16 to him who led his people through the wilderness;
His love endures forever.

17 to him who struck down great kings,
His love endures forever.
18 and killed mighty kings 
His love endures forever.
19 Sihon king of the Amorites
His love endures forever.
20 and Og king of Bashan 
His love endures forever.
21 and gave their land as an inheritance,
His love endures forever.
22 an inheritance to his servant Israel.
His love endures forever.

23 He remembered us in our low estate
His love endures forever.
24 and freed us from our enemies.
His love endures forever.
25 He gives food to every creature.
His love endures forever.

26 Give thanks to the God of heaven.
His love endures forever.

i think i'm going to read this every day... maybe i'll start to understand.

[ciny]

proud of you for takeing the steps you are not alone we all help eachother and most important ios God is with us some days will be harder than others you will have good days to the steps helped me out a lot and
they are healing if you let them work. in you lie van says i like your user name it dose speak volume

[deetu]

keep going b4
little by little
keep listening, keep believing

[Dora]

Aw He is loving on you.

His love endures forever.

No matter what we've done or what we may do He loves us.

Just as you are, He loves you.

[darkness_b4_light]

when i opened my bible today i came to the parable of the lost son. it is a story i am familiar with... i grew up in a religious home and that's a popular story. i read it through today and didn't think much of it... not really. maybe i was just in a hurry. then i got home from work, and started my day 3 and the topic God's Grace and the story started replaying in my mind. this is a really hard concept for me. forgiveness is not something i was afforded as a child... for even the smallest of infractions and it is something that i ...perhaps through conditioning have not been able to give to myself.... and in many cases extend to others.
i don't know if i ever will be able to accept or give forgiveness. i seem to have encountered a wall.

[vahn]

A wall may seem a huge and unpenetrable object when we look at it from a distance , and it seems impossible to bring down , but , at a closer look , we will see that it is only made up of , in comparison , tiny little bricks , all we have to do is take one brick off that wall , one at a time and before we know it ...


luv ya
In Christ , our Lord
vahn