Christianity Oasis Forum

[mfwilliams2000]

I stumbled upon this website because I am always searching hoping to find that something that would end this emotional battle in which I am caught up. Step 1 said to start a journal an write down exactly what is bothering me.

Let's see. I do not have peace in my soul. I feel like I am constantly being driven to and fro. Whenever I rest in Jesus, I am driven out of His rest by some emotional disturbance. I have these recurrent rebellious feelings towards God if something happens that I don't like. The first thing my heart does is rage at God, which drives me out of His Presence. Then I feel guilty and sad and I hide myself from Him. Although I know the Lord, I don't know to what extent I really know Him because I feel lost and it is like no matter how hard I try I cannot appropriate who I am in Christ. I suffer from double-mindedness especially concerning my purpose. I feel like there is some sort of disconnect between my head knowledge of Christ and my heart knowledge. Sometimes I feel like my personality is split or fragmented or something.

I grew up in a very dysfunctional home. My father was an alcoholic and a drug addict and my mother did not have the skills to be a parent to me. Instead the roles were reversed and I was like a mother to her. Because of this I did not really have a childhood. I did not have proper parenting as all the adults in my life were too caught up in their own battles. I felt as if I was alone and abandoned and I was forced to try to figure out this world in which I found myself, all alone. I am an only child and I did not even have siblings to play with or confide in. I had no mentors or role models.

I feel really messed up on the inside though I have been walking with Christ for about 18 years now and I have seen him work wonders in my life. Other people in church look up to me but I don't feel emotionally well, at all!

[sbennett]

Mfw...you are in the right place. The steps will really help you I believe. They are helping me in my walk with God. I will pray that you find peace and that you grow closer to Christ as you do each step!

[mfwilliams2000]

Thank you very much for the encouragement.

[Dora]

Wow mfwilliams2000 you sound so human. I could relate to much of what you wrote. And I know many others who have shared their struggles which were very simular to yours.

I pray you continue the steps and continue to seek Him. I am certain you will become closer to Him through this program. Here if you need to talk more.

God loves ya and so do I!

[mfwilliams2000]

It's nice to know that others know how I feel. Sometimes I am out of touch with the fact that others may be experiencing similar problems to me. I always feel alone.

I didn't mention before that in addition to my other problems, I was sexually molested from the cradle up until somewhere before I turned a teenager while at my babysitter and after when I would visit. I know this is now affecting my marriage.

Sometimes I feel like I have too many issues.

[Dora]

Sometimes I feel like I have too many issues.

I to have felt this way. Many times. I can say it gets better.

You're not alone.

[momof3]

Hi mfwilliams....welcome to Oasis...and know...that you were led here by the Holy Spirit. You arent here by accident. God doesnt do anything by accident. He has a plan for your life and has had it since before you were born. Trust Him through this and let Him heal you and show you some truths He is wanting to show you about who you are in Him..and who He is in you. You are His..and He loves you and knows exactly where you are, where your heart is..and what needs to be touched and healed within your heart. God bless you on this journey....and know that you arent alone.

In Jesus,
luv momo