Christianity Oasis Forum

[Guest]

Hello everyone. My first writing. I have a lot to get out. I discoverec this site yesterday and was blessed. Today a little more difficult. My wife is a crack cocaine addict and has been gone since Friday. I have been praying dilligently for her (and myself), trying to give all of the stress, anxiety, etc to the lord, and basically seeking His will and presence. So, today I recieved a mixed answer to my prayers. I was in the middle of reading my bible and I hear my wife's car pull up. Of course I am ecstatic. I open the door for her, give her a big hug, and she tells me she is moving to a clean and sober house. She starts packing her things, we talk a little, she says she will be back to talk some more, and leaves. Now I am not suprised by this, because running away is part of her pattern of behavior. I am also thanking God, because even though she did use while gone, she is at least trying to do what she thinks she needs to do. I totally support this. She says the pressures of the relationship are to much to deal with and stay clean. I think that she is trying to find an excuse for the dozen or so "relapses" she has had in the past three months since getting out of jail. Even so, perception is reality and I will support her decision no matter what. I do feel abandoned. Her addiction and the lifestyle it created caused us to lose our home, 200K in my retirement fund (I have been unemployed for almost 3 years), and on, and on. Even with all of this, I continued to stick by her in an attempt to be a "light" she could focus on, and to try to keep her safe. Her addiction was so acute that she would have died if not for her incarceration (an answer to prayer). So, once again I have been thrown under the bus, so to speak. I am not going to give in to my negative feelings though. Praise God she is safe and she is at least trying to get well. Praise God that He is working out all things according to His purpose. His Grace is sufficient and He will see us through this. Being under the bus is OK when the Lord is with you.

[vahn]

Hello aj , we meet again

Brother , having read your post in other forum and also re-read it a couple of times in order for me to be of utmost help , I see more than one issue going on here . But , before I type another word , please allow me to make clear that my opinions , advice or suggestion are NOT etched in stone , neither are they the ONLY ones , in fact if I were to reply to the same post half an hour from now you may even get a totaly diff picture , but , however , the principle is the same . I am only speaking from my own experiences .

Brother listen , addicts/alcoholics - (in my opinion there is no difference) - do what they do , birds fly , fish swim , addicts use , and there is absolutely nothing no one can do to change that except the addicts themselves and even then , they still have to rely on our Lord's help which without His aid chances of recovery are zero to none ! In other words brother , telling you the truth in this , you are not going to be the one to be able to do anything for your wife to recover . Imagine , if you will , you two are sitting across the dinner table from each other and your stomach being filled by just watching her eat her food or vise-versa .

Do addicts make excuses ? hmm , do children cry ? However , let us take a look at this from this point --- "Honey , can I have a couple of hundred dollars ? I need to buy crack " ... "Oh sure hon , here's a couple more , get some extra , just in case " . (The last sentence - the reply - is directed toward ,"She says the pressures of the relationship are to much to deal with and stay clean. " )
Just because addicts having to resort to lies and manipulations in order for them to get their fix , does NOT mean they are enjoying the lying , in fact they are probably being torn by it .

Brother , no one understands an addict than another addict , and even then , they still have absolutely no clue why they do what they do , man has been trying to figure out the causes ever since he first crushed grapes !! Science may one day accomplish this , but it hasn't done so YET !

The key is to focus on the recovery rather than the addiction , my sponsor said to me "It doesn't matter how the mule got into the ditch ... get him outa there !!"

Aj , it doesn't matter how you got to feeling abandoned , neglected , or even down-right betrayed , it is you who needs to get out of that mire , and if you are trying to do this on your own , without our Lord's help ... Good luck brother .


Luv ya
In Christ , our Lord
vahn