Christianity Oasis Forum

[quietlylistening]

I am new to the forum and appreciate any insight (Godly) into this situation.
I am not a young teen who is having family problems, but a mom and grandmother who is having family problems. ha is that a joke or what?
For as long as i can remeber there has been this problem in the fam
just according to whose turn it is. (Whoever is outcast from the MOTHER).
I know it sounds as if there is a bit of aggravation ... and i confess there is a lot of aggravation.

It has been many years since i have seen my mother or any of my brothers. And do not wish to have any contact with her
There is a game in my immediate family that is played something like this ; if you dont agree with the MOTHER you are kicked out until further notice .
and if you dont take sides with the MOTHER, your out of the game also.
Well to make a long story short and too keep from sounding totally disfuntional, im out and have been out for ten yrs now. and this is just about the third time around for me.
I have come to terms with the Mother situation , because it is just way too much stress and pain on my behalf. I have now been diagnosed with fibromyalgia and the physical pain comes from the emotional pain (some)

I do not wish to have any contact with her and the only problem i have with this decision is ... How am i going to feel when she dies ?
I know there will be some emotional pain with it. because she is my mother.
The part that hurts the most is the fact my brothers have turned their backs as well, because they know the game and have been on the outs many times.
so how could they and should i call them and well... all that mumbo jumbo
i would like to know how they are and and have my brothers in my life. or i think i would. so please feel free to comment .
PS is this not just the craziest ? lo ol

[momof3]

hey listening...welcome to Oasis. know that you arent here by mistake. the Lord led you here to find some truth and healing. are you gonna take the steps in this counceling program? If you choose to, i believe you will find some much needed healing deep within your soul.

One thing that comes to mind from your post is that we all allow others and their behaviors and choices to define who we are. Truth is, we are defined by the Lord. Then there is the fear of rejection...the hurt caused by that rejection...from those we are supposed to be loved by the most. All I can say is that your family members are all human, in need of the same savior we are all in need of...the same forgiveness..the same grace..the same love He instills in us. I know youve prayed on what you should do about this...Id encourage you to take these steps in this program and let the Lord direct your steps with your family.

God bless you and again, so glad the Lord led you here. Praying for you.

in Jesus,
love momo

[xxJILLxx]

Welcome quietlylistening!

Nah its not a joke, many families have their problems and dysfunctions, including my own . SO DON'T FEEL LIKE YOUR ALONE IN THIS!

Sounds like a hierarchy type family, If the queen talks u betta agree with her.. or else! Out the kingdom you go.

You asked a question of how you would feel when she dies. Well, most likely you will feel guilty for not making amends. There will always be the "what if's" floating around to plague you and the latter sounds worse than what is going on now. (Just my opinion)

But each has their own choice, you can choose to mend that bridge... before it gets to the point of her death and feel better about the situation knowing you gave it your best. Do it with prayer and guidance from Him.

The brothers if you are missing them, Im sure they are missing you as well... Reach and give them a call.

Forgive quickly, and love abundantly!

God bless
♥Jill

[Mackenaw]

Hello QuietlyListening

God bless you this day.

It was good to get to meet you in Chat.

I've read your post several times, and lifted you up in prayer to our Lord, in the name of Jesus. God's will be done.

You said:

I do not wish to have any contact with her and the only problem i have with this decision is ... How am i going to feel when she dies ?

QuietlyListening, in all honesty, if I were in your situation, I would be more concerned with whether my own heart was harboring any unforgiveness towards any, in the event of my own death. Since none of knows when our last breath will be drawn...yep, that would be my concern.

Matthew 6:14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
Matthew 6:15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

...verse 15 always zings me a good one.

Here's a link to a Study on Forgiveness:
http://www.christianityoasis.com/Keywor ... veness.htm

Also, we have a great 14-Day Study here on the site. It's called CCCC -- which is short for COOL Confidential Christian Counseling. You might want to check it out. I know many have been blessed by the Study, myself included. Here's the link to that Study:
http://www.christianityoasis.com/CCCC/Forum.htm

Hope to see you in Chat again real soon.

God bless and keep you, QuietlyListening.
In Jesus' love,
Sister Mack

[quietlylistening]

I have tried several time to make amends and that is why i have to protect myself now. because the rejection hurts way too much. she even rejects her grandchildren and great g/c.
its such a complicated thing

[quietlylistening]

I have tried several time to make amends and that is why i have to protect myself now. because the rejection hurts way too much. she even rejects her grandchildren and great g/c.
its such a complicated thing :oops

[momof3]

heya quietly,

God bless you, sister. We cant control what others do..the way they act or the condition of their hearts. Only God knows why we do the things we do. the deepest parts of our souls. As you go through these steps, let the Lord's healing touch those deepest parts of you. decide to forgive no matter what they do. if you have done what the Lord asks of you..and that is to forgive and pray for them, what they do with that is between them and the Lord. Let Him work in you and pray for them. He will lead you through this. the weeding isnt easy, but you can do all things in Christ..who strengthens you.

praying for you, sister.

in Jesus,
love momo

[vahn]

I am in agreement with all that's been said so far quietelylistening , in momo's last reply specifically .

We don't make amends necessarily for others to "feel better" or what have you (though it'd be nice) but we make the amends to free US from the ball and chain of guilt that we drag around because of "harm" done , and whether they accept it or not is quite irrelevant , once again it would be nice if they did , but that is not or should not be the PRIMARY purpose of it .
Just as in our prayers , the outcome is up to Him , and He has a reason for everything , our job is to come clean in the eyes of our Lord , not in the eyes of people no matter how dear or close they are , and besides , the next time the thought of those people crosses our minds , we can hold our heads up and say " Hey , I was willing and I did my part "


In Christ , our Lord

[quietlylistening]

thanks

[Dora]

Good to see you sis. Was wondering about you. How are things going? Have you found that inner peace? Praying you have come closer to Him. How are the steps going? Are they going?

Love you. Jesus loves you to.