Christianity Oasis Forum

[Christianity Oasis]

If I had a dollar for all the horrible things children and in particular teens have said to their parents ... We would never need to ask for love offerings again ...

Point is ... They are gonna say the most hateful things they can when things do not go THEIR WAY with the INTENT to HURT you as they feel hurt. Matters lil to them if they are right or wrong in GOD'S eyes.

Kinda like we did as children and teens ... Whether we had the audacity to say it aloud or in OUR private places with OUR music and thoughts playing in our mind.

TRUTH?

LOVE em and give the rest to God ...

THIS is what I have learned from 17 years experience both with those who mankind would say were my children and those who have written and shared the horrific words to those who provided for em the best they could in THIS world.

You hang in there sister.

God knows the HEART of all matters.

Luv ya

[Tam]

Thanks to all of you for your encouragement and prayers. I could not make it without you guys being there for support and encouragement. Love you all~


I am hanging O....I am not giving up nor letting her go!
God will see me through this!

[vahn]

Tam

One of the hardest things I had to face , deal and live with my daughter (while still here with us on Earth) was the fact that I was ABSOLUTELY POWERLESS over the way she thought and that if I were to make any headway to change that at all , was , as you said in your previous post , "Have her say" , so to speak , and that she had the right to think as she saw fit (yes , although the perception may be wrong) but nevertheless , they think what they think . Take myself for example , no one could tell me , Including myself , not to think the way I did . But ... the better part of all that was , now I knew and was aware of her perceptions and the reason why she was thinking and saying those things (her mother was an ACTIVE alkie/addict ) and I was sober , so , you see, in her mind , and it is safe enough for me to say , and yours's , It was "my fault as to why I 'allowed' that to happen"

In your post above , you're mentioning not to let go of her . Well , here's where my experience with mine comes in - I HAD to let go of her !- not physically , but rather , I had to let go of the way she THOUGHT , only then was I able to commence the changing of the perception , as opposed to "force" it upon her that she is having the wrong thoughts ! Make sense ?

[mlg]

Hi sis...just wanted to tell you I love you....I won't be online much for the next week or so...but you'll be in my thoughts and prayers....I'll check in whenever I have internet access.



You are gonna get through this. No worries.

luv ya

[Dora]

Just wanted you to wake in the morning to a hug.

God loves you and so do I!!!!!!

Praying for you tonight...erm...this morning.

Everything is going to be ok.

God is greater than any of this. Tell your problem how big your God is. He can move mountains. Tell the mountain to move.

God bless and keep you.

[Tam]

Good Morning guys
It has been a few days since I posted so thought it was time again. Well today is the day! Today is the day that I will be in a room with almost all my abuser. Me, them, one room. Other people will be there since it is my parents 50th wedding celebration but so will "they" .
I slept better than I thought last night from being anxious about today. I did a LOT of praying also. I keep telling myself that I am an adult now and that all is gooing to be ok. But the child deep down inside is very very fearful. I am not going to lie and say that she isn't.
I keep telling myself that Papa has me and that HE WILL protect me, and He will be right there by my side holding me. So that is what I have to lean on. Not lean on all the anxiety, nauseaus and thoughts that I have at this point.
Could this be a test? Am I ready to pass it? I sure hope so.. I am thinking so but honestly I don't think I am ready for this kind of test! God has done so much in me and I totally trust HIM now so that is what I am going to have to still do is TRUST.
So today, just today, lets get through today and then I will praise Him in the end if I pass, or I will praise HIM if I fail. Either way I am still going ot PRAISE HIM.
Love you guys bunches and see you all later toningt I hope.
Tam

[Tam]

WHY??????

I am sitting at my desk today doing my job and then BAM there it was!
Why did his fist find me? Why was his anger taken out on me? Here I am again having to forgive. This I will do because it is commanded of me and I get that now. But forgiving doesnt' take all the questions away.
Not putting the walls back up. Refuse to. Gonna work through this again and come out smelling like a rose one way or another. My Heavenly Daddy is right here and HE will help me through all this. I believe He will.
I will not loose that . The enemy may try to beat me down...but I refuse to turn back. Just gotta heal all over again right?

[ciny]

Hi Tam good to hear you are forgiving and not putting the walls back up and that you refuse to you are right forgiveness doesn't take all the questions away, Tam you have been a big encouragement to me as well as alot of others hear at Oasis you are my family love yas
God bless Ciny

[Tam]

Ok as if Tuesday wasn't painful enough...I had to take my daughter to counseling this morning and then to school for the day.
All the way to school from counseling all she did was star out the window with this look of hurt on her face. I know what she is going through and this is killing me. The mom in me wants to just wrap her in my arms and hold her but that is just not happening right now. She is not talking to me still and more so after today. She did throw me a note as she got out of the car at school and said I just want to stay home today. Don't you understand anything?
That is it....I do understand but she will not allow me to tell her so. Her walls are so thick and high right now that mom can't get within arms distance of her. I understand that to....but to have an understanding mom would make this so much easier to walk through I think. So I guess I just have to sit back and watch her hurt alone right now and just Trust God to take care of her. (there is no doubt there for sure)
Suppose it just all boils down to mom wanting to be mom and child not ready for that huh
Tam

[Dora]

Tam is it ok if she does stay home on the counseling days? Or maybe just the two of you go out after wards for a coke or brownie sunday drenched in chocolate and hot fudge and whipped toppings.

When I left home and my aunt took guardianship over me over 20 years ago she couldn't afford to take me out for dinner but she took me out for a coke and a brownie sunday that we shared. I still remember that. It helped me to relax and feel wanted and loved. It helped me to step up to the plate and make grown up decisions even though I wasn't.

Just that 20 minutes and chocolate gave me so much strength to make it through a very difficult time.



You know I'm praying for you both. Love you much!

[Tam]

Well Today is a new day. Last night when I got off work I had a note on my car that said That I better Watch My Back
Here we go, having to look over my shoulder again, Fear trying to set in and take hold again. It is a battle not letting it especially when I am at work all alone and the parking lot is booming. Talked with my boss and got permission to park my car in front of my office so that I can see it and it will be on the cams.

You know in an earlier post, I posted WHY???? that is something that I may not know the answer for so instead of just sitting on the why I just have to sit on Trusting Him. ( which by the way is not a bad place to be) The whys are still there in the back of my mind but I am doing my best not to entertain them. I have kept my mind very busy at work and doing ok until the copy repair man came in and I was here all alone. He had to get behind me to do his work and I had to stay at the computer and help him do some stuff...panic sat in. I gave in to some of the thoughts and sat here with tears running down my face. Thinking I should be stronger than this! This should not be bothering me this much! What else is going on here?
Sitting here thinking on those questions I have realized that the last 2 weeks have been very stressful for me. Seeing all my abusers at my parents anniversary party and then the attack at work and then the letter I sat here thinking.... and beagn to have tears rolling down my face even more and no I could not control them so I just let them flow. Had my praise music on and this song by Karen Peck and New River came on and that just busted the dam up and the tears flowed even more. The song is Hold Me While I Cry

It's been one of those days
If anything could go wrong it went wrong
I know I'm feeling sorry for me
There's a lot of self-pity going on
Tomorrow I will be okay
The dawn will bring a brand new day
I'm sure by then I'll be fine
Lord today I really need a friend
I know that you would understand
Would you hold me while I cry

I take a lot of your time
When I should be strong
I should be standing by now when it's you I'm leaning on
You've always kept me safe from harm, like a child in your arms
You've cradled me through hardships faced in life
Lord it's just one of those days I've been fobbed in every way
Will you hold me while I cry?

I try to be strong but if anyone can fall apart, I fall apart
I run back to you again and you heal my broken heart
You have truly been a friend, reaching out to lend a hand
Lord when you could have passed me by
I'm asking for your strength today
Lift my spirit Lord I pray
Will you just hold me while I cry

I take a lot of your time when I should be strong
I should be standing by now when it's you I'm leaning on
You've always kept me safe from harm like a child in your arms
You've cradled me through hardships faced in life
Lord it's just one of those days
I've been fobbed in every way
Will you hold me while I cry

You've always kept me safe from harm
Like a child in your arms
You've cradled me though hardships faced in life
Lord it's just one of those days
I've been fobbed in every way
Would you hold me while I cry?

I shared that song to just say that no matter what I am going through, no matter how hard it is....HE will Hold me while I cry.

So yes I am a little down today but I am not giving in or giving up.
Because He is holding me while I cry!

[deetu]