Christianity Oasis Forum

[mlg]

Not crazy at all...God is good all the time.

luv ya

[vahn]

Hello Tam

Ok , I'm trying to figure out where to start !! ok , here it is , how about "WOWSER !!"

Tam , by no means is it my intent , to disregard , dismiss , or downsize any of the issues that you had posted . Also , you know me , I don't mince words , and in order for me to be of any help at all I have to (as I was trained to do) bypass all that and to look past the situation(s) , that way we can concentrate on where we're at NOW , and take it from there .

Tam , what I see , putting it bluntly is , retaliation and resistance on your part . The three "major" ones That jumped right out of the page , are , and we need to pay more attention on those for now in order for us to be able to go any further at all (progress) .
1) I don't LOVE MYSELF : Ok , a lot of us don't ! We need to learn that right ? You know that ! As children , we didn't even know what the word meant , let alone to know how to do so to begin with , and when we started to love ourselves , which , again , in the beginning , ourselves were the first available people TO love was at hand , but ... when tried to do that , comes the first "major label" , SELFISH . Hmm , so there goes that idea huh ?
Ok , nitty-gritty : How about we try to learn how to ?
When faced with that situation myself , they told me to start to practise on others , (yeah , about the how can you love others when you don't love yourself ... bla bla bla ... I said those things too ) . My sponsor suggested I get a plant !! ( to care FOR) and if it dies , get a goldfish !! (to care ABOUT) , if that doesn't work , get a kitten !! (to take care OF) , then he added , "If the plant and the goldfish dies and the cat runs away , you know will truly find out who you really are , a knuckle-head ! But ... if the cat stays , you had just learnt your first lesson in loving and receiving love back ! " Tam ... It worked !!

2) FORGIVING : Very short . develope a forgiving attitude , make the list as quickly as possible , as to not to give ourselves enough time to dwell on any one specific "I can't do this one" , when the time is right and you are right , Providence will provide .

3) ASKING GOD TO SHOW US HOW TO LOVE HIM : A very tough one for me to respond to , but I am here to serve , and I cannot serve ANYONE withholding TRUTH , and the Truth is Tam , God doesn't NEED me to love Him . It is I that NEEDS to love Him ! and as far as asking Him to SHOW us ? . He has done that a Gazzillion times in fact He is STILL doing that as I write and at the time you or anybody else happened to be reading this . All we have to do is open our Spiritual eyes to see how far into the crap we have sunk ourselves in , and to stick our heads up above the crap line and smell the coffee for a change . BREATH !


In Christ , our Lord

[vahn]

P.S.

Water the plant , feed the fish , change the litterbox regularly .

[deetu]

vahn

tam

Look to see if there is a door to close so those word curses don't come back.
If you have a revolving door open, it will get frustrating after a while.

[Tam]

Day 5

Talked about Blame and the things in the blame family. UMMMMMMMM
I am in trouble (lol)
Revenge- not sure that I have a lot of wanting to get revenge because of the fear that was instilled in me. Hmmm another family member there

FEAR- Yes I still have lots of fear and I still look over my shoulder and walk on egg shells when around certain people. I am somewhat better but still carry a lot of that. Some fear is rooted so deep that I am scared to even pull it up as for what might happen. I know that I have to face it and I am trying. I really am.

ANGER- another family member here. Man do I still have lots and lots of anger. I recognized this when they thought I had had a stroke. In the drs. office something happened and I wanted to punch the wall. I have NEVER wanted to do that. Anger towards all the words that are thrown at me on a daily basis. Anger at myself for allowing them to all take root. As Vahn said in his post to me, when you are a child you may not know what a lot of those words mean much less what to do with them. All you know is that they hurt you for some reason and as you get older they don't hurt any less, you just learn how to push them down with the rest of them. This building even more anger. Anger is one that I have not wanted to deal with because of fear. People do stupid things when they are angry and I don't want to be one of those people. Guess the anger is what lead to the cutting some huh. Take it out on me because I thought I could handle it. Well guess what TAM...you can't handle it..You have got to let GOD help you! LIttle things happen at work and at home or even in the care and I now see it as anger. This is rooted so deep and I have got to pull this weed out. I have gone to sleep many many many nights anger. Will I ever get to the bottom of this one? Honestly sitting here typing this I am realizing more and more that yes there really is a lot of anger. Probably even anger towards God. Man not probably but there is anger towards God. Gotta work on that to. Like Vahn and others have said I gotta love me before I can love anyone else and that is what I am working towards here. I am starting to like me just a little so things are coming around. I have made a forgiveness chart and have just added God to that one for sure. There are so many to forgive that I must take a few at a time and go from there. I don't want to rush through this stage. I want to get it all out and forgive each one. Have thought about even writing each one a letter and then burning it.

Another member of the blame family is MISTRUST----I look at that word and I think mistrust How could I even trust at all anymore. You have those that you think that you could trust and BAM here you go again in all the wrong directions. Think that is about all I can say about that one.

Walking through the garden in my mind and seeing that it is really a nasty place and I have got to get in there and take our some mighty big and thick weeds in order to get to the little ones so that we can get to the root. THis is not easy nor is it going to be. But with God's help it can be done. Since I started this study my prayer has been for God to get in there and to break me. TO break down all the barriers that keep me from him. I think the biggest barrier is ME. I am the one that is standing in the way of Him doing His work in me. I spent pretty much most of the day yesterday in tears because I am seeing who I am and not liking it. Realizing stuff that I have not realized about me. TIme to get down to the nitty-gritty and Let Go and Let God.

I am asking all that read this to please be totally honest with me and not worry about hurting my feelings. Because you guys may see things that I don't I want to get past this. I want to be all that God wants me to be and I want to Love me!

Thanks
Tam

(PS Thanks Vahn for being very forward)

[deetu]

Man, God's been giving me Scripture so much lately.

Romans 6:1-8 (NIV) 1 What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? 2 By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? 3 Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4 We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. 5 If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection. 6 For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin-- 7 because anyone who has died has been freed from sin. 8 Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him.

Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Co-crucified with Christ...
Trust Him

[Tam]

Day 6 Miracle Grow

Hmmmm seen this study in a different light today. Amazing what happens when you pray and ask before you begin stuff huh! Maybe my eyes are beginning to be more open to the truth.
I just jumped out at me today that the mind controls the soul (body) and the emotions control the flesh (spirit) I don't know about you but I find that very interesting. The fact that my mind basically controls everything about me. Yeah Yeah Yeah we learn that in school but does it really sink in?

My Mind is my total worse enemy. Trash in trash out so they say. In reading this study today I had a picture of a garbage can in the kitchen. We put everything in that garbage can and it slowly fills up. Well once it is full it can not hold anymore. You can pack and pack and pack it but it can only hold so much then it begins to overflow. You begin to have a mess. You keep letting it overflow and the mess gets bigger and bigger and bigger and I bet it even starts stinking! Pretty soon you can not even see the can you can only see the mess. Well that can is like my mind.
Started out with things being said to me as a child and even an adult, the stuff that came in by no choice of mine when young has all added up. Then as adulthood came on I should have began to know better and to know that is not what I was or am. Having known all the abuse that is what I expected all the time. That is how I expected to be treated. You see I began to expect that and nothing else so that is what I got. Maybe even asked for it sometimes. Trash can (mind) full as a child already.

Then adult hood comes on and same thing except now it is not people so much telling me these things anymore but it is me. Yes I said it ME. I began to call myself stupid and tell myself that I was a failure and that I would never amount to anything. (now remember my trash can is full) Lies that I believed as a child have now carried over as an adult because I never knew to take the trash out. As an adult I make the choices now of what goes in and comes out of my mind. I put the right or wrong choices in there. Yes there have been several wrong mistakes that I have made and I am having to umm confess, ask for forgiveness and trust that I am forgiven. I have to come out of denial on some stuff and bring it to the light so that it can be taken care of. I have to start cleaning out my trash (mind) because it really stinks right now.
It may take a while to find the can so that I can grab the bag but man imagine how much crud you can throw out with one bag! Something to look forward to!

No one can do this for me, I have to clean the mess up piece by piece. But the thing that I am learning is that I do not have to do it by myself. God has placed me in a strong support system who is there to listen and encourage me along the way but who will not do it for me. They will help me by pointing out that oops that was garbage that just came out your mouth and thus encourage me to clean it up. By that I mean I am doing my best to catch all the negative that I say and immediately replace it out loud with good. But sometimes I just fly right by it not even realizing it and someone will point that out to me, and that I am thankful for.

My emotions control my flesh (spirit) By not letting myself feel my emotions I am quenching my spirit. Good umm think not! Emotions are meant for good I think and not for bad. Crying is an emotion that allows us to heal. Hmm don't cry Anger is an emotion that allows us to fight ( not people the enemy) am I fighting? Yes but I have been fighting the wrong person. I am fighting me and beating me up instead of fighting the enemy like I should I am adding more garbage to the already overstuffed running over bag. I have got to let go and let GOD.

So todays lesson was to make a Chart. Well not to excited about this but yet I am . Last time I did this study and made this chart I did not finish the chart, The chart ended up in the garbage because it reminded me of what a failure I am. ( I am not a failure. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me Phil. 4:13) I allowed it to make me angry and sad. I allowed it to take over my mind in a not so positive way. So approaching this chart this time I am going to approach it with a different attitude. A POSITIVE one a I can do this attitude. My chart will consist of things to help me take the garbage out of my life and to have a nice clean can (mind) again. Can I do this? With God's help yes. The little girl inside of me says that I can and I say that I can. Is it going to be easy NO but I will not quit. I will press through and begin to clean up all the stinking crud that I have allowed to take over.

I will start by working on forgiving myself for allowing stuff as an adult to take root and keep forgiving those that add to my garbage. By not allowing myself to feel emotions I am still holding up walls and still denying that I have feeling and they hurt to. I by no means love me yet but I am beginning to like me and to think that Hey I am worth this. Hey I do deserve being happen and No GOD is not going to beat me if I miss up but instead is going to help me up, brush me off, swat me on the backside, smile and tell me to try it again. Pretty neat huh! God is not going to hurt me! He will correct me but not hurt me! WOW!!!!! where did that come from. I think that I am beginning to get this God stuff just a little bit more. I will hang on to that one for sure.

Well I have talked your ears off today. It is time for me to go and make a chart.

Thanks
Tam

[deetu]

Yes, you are worth it. Smiling bigger then this smilie possibly can

[Dora]

Thank you Tam!

Your words you share along your path does help others.

I love you.

[Mackenaw]

Hello Tam

God bless you this day.

Tam, you are doing so well at embracing this Study, and to embrace the healing that God has for you. I love it!!!

I'm hoping to encourage you to revisit your thoughts on what Soul, Spirit and Body mean. Because I'm thinking you may have it a little confused, yet, I may have misunderstood too.

God The Father, God The Son, God The Holy Spirit. 3 in 1. They are One.
God The Father represents The Soul, God The Son represents the Body, and God The Holy Spirit represents The Spirit.

Man is made in God's image. Each of us has a soul, a spirit and a body.

The soul is our mind -- our personality and how we think, and our thoughts can be worldly/carnal, or the thoughts can be on good things -- things of God.
The body is our physical presence in the equation, and how we walk out this life.
The spirit is where our emotions are housed (they can be worldly/carnal), but also the spirit is the conduit by which The Holy Spirit talks to us, and also the conduit by which we access His fruit.

Our spirit has been quickened, made alive, by the indwelling of The Holy Spirit. Prior to our accepting Christ as Saviour, it just reacted to whatever our mind/soul was telling us. Now, it reacts to our mind/soul AND The Holy Spirit. It has double duty now.

The terms "worldly", "carnal", and "fleshly" all refer to the same thing -- thoughts and actions that are separate from God, and not what He would want us thinking about nor acting on.

Jesus is said to represent the Body, but He was not fleshly or carnal or worldly in His walk, but He did experience the temptations that attack through this this body.

I hope I haven't added more confusion to the mix, but helped. I pray that you'll revisit that portion of the Study again and ask The Holy Spirit to reveal more. I don't claim to understand it in it's fullness, because I'm still learning too.

Lord, help us all to fully understand.

God bless and keep you, Tam.
Love,
Mack

[mlg]

Hi Tam,

Sorry I got a couple of days behind on you...I just needed to take a day and restore some virtue...and I feel so much better today and here I am!

I wanted to talk with you a bit about the charts...take the charts and begin by making them easy...you already do lots of things with God so choose some small things you want to improve on in your life...both physical and Spiritual...maybe start with fewer things...3 or 4 and add more as you make those routine...you can do this Tam...it will be good for you.

Tam, God is working in you already...still got some moving forward to do...but with each step you are making progress.

luv ya sis

[Tam]

Day 7
The Mind

What a battlefield I face daily in my mind. I sometimes say that if I could take mine out and put a new one in then I would be so much better.
Well physically can't do that but seems like that is what I am doing now. Renewing my mind daily , shooting down the lies of the enemy.

You must only let TRUTH to abide within your Spiritual place. When something enters in that is not TRUTH, you must eject it by telling the TRUTH to yourself, and the lie must leave. If you accept something as TRUTH, it is planted in your subconscious mind, and it remains there awaiting your spirit to act on said thought, even when you are not consciously thinking on it

What a true statement! We must eject the lies that passes through our ears. We have the right to let them take root or be cast them out! If things happened as a child maybe we didn't know they were lies...because they were portrayed as truth. THat is where I am having my struggles. All the things that were spoken to me as a child I am recoginzing them has lies but wow the work it takes at getting them out. Work that I am not giving up on. How deep do the ones in the subconscious go? Will we ever be able to pull them all up? I am the first to admit that I have pushed things down really really deep. Triggers will pull them up and I have not dealt with them the way I should but have dealt with them in ways that were harmful to my body and now having to deal with all that. But that is choices that I made and now I have to pay the consequences for the decisions I have made. I have to forgive me for those decisions and I am working on that! I am learning that my body is the temple and that what I do to me I am also doing to Him. OUCH!

most like to just sweep their probs under the rug (so to speak) and try and just push the thoughts back within when they pop up that warning sign by coming to your conscious mind. You must CHOOSE to identify the lies and bad thoughts that you've accepted and HARBOR, and pull them out by replacing them with the TRUTH.

Oh how many times have I done that. Some does something to hurt me and the tough image pops up. I can handle this, and just push it under the rug and say I will deal with it later. Well later never gets here. Words will try to raise their ugly heads again and I push them back down. Don't want to face the hurt. Facing the hurt hurts to much. So I thought.
When actually facing the hurt hurts only for a minute if I will allow God to take the pain and carry me through. Trusting Him is what I am learning to do. Relying on Him for all things.

I am tough, I can do this by myself. Boy is that the biggest lie I have ever believed. Well maybe not the biggest but it rates up there. Through my support system God has placed me in I am learning that I can not nor do I have to do things on my own. He loves me and He is right there with me holding my hand all the way if I will let Him. Words that I have allowed to be planted deep within me have caused me to totally push everyone away. I have pushed you guys away and even my family. It took my children bring that to my attention before I could see it.

Words have taken root and almost totally destroyed my life. Me believing those words is something that I have to stop. When these words come at me and I replace the lie withe the truth is that all I need to do. Does that pull the weed or is there more to it that I need to be doing?
To be honest with you I am a little discouraged right now. It seems now that I know that my words are all negavtive that is all I hear coming out of my mouth and spend pretty much all day replacing the bad with the good. Will that change? Is there an end in sight? It is like the analogy that God gave me about the trash can....when it gets full it over runs, we clean it and it gets full again in the natural but in the spiritual is it ever totally cleaned and can we keep it that way? What I am saying is can we keep up or does it all come in to fast?

Sitting here now and doing this study I am being bombarded with thoughts and questions. (This is not going to do any good for you . You done this before and look where it got you.) I say God is taking the layers off and this will do me good and this will get me closer to being healed. Then I hear (yeah right you are dreaming big aren't you) I say He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it.
You get the drift of what I am talking about.
Do I want God to be God, or do I just want God to help me? Heard a pastor say that this morning and that kinda hit home. I want Him to make everything ok quickly or I need Him to take His time and heal me in the way that He sees fit and not the way I think it needs to be done.
Maybe that is what He is doing. I hear words in my mind now and now they hurt in a totally different way. I am not sure how to explain it. But my eyes try to tear up a little and I am not sure how to explain the feeling. Feelings things is so new to me that I am not sure if this is good or bad. But I will continue to try to trust Him and to move on holding His hand.
I looked in the mirror this morning it what I seen scared me. Usually when I look in the mirror I don't see anything but a blank slate. Today I seen a person full of pain and hurt. What do I do with that?
I gotta stop here and go do something productive because my thought are overwhelming me trying to type this today.
Thank you all for following me on the journey.
Tam